The Joker Menace
by Doodlebug QT
Summary: Lilo turned slowly, holding the precious offspring of the experiment close to her chest. She turned to look up at a slender man in a purple suit towering over her. His smile was daunting as he eyed her. "Why it's a little girl come to join the party!"
1. Fact, Fiction, and Affection

**Hiya, everyone!**

**This is the official sequel to Revenge of the Invader. Unfortunately, it won't take place in Hawaii or Detroit home of Dib and Gaz. Instead I've decided to hold it in the infamous city of Gotham. You can see a plot unraveling here already, can't you? The team goes to the big city, meets Batman as well as the Joker and Harley Quinn. Some stuff happens, there'll be a penguin mentioned, and plenty of insane danger. **

**I forgot to give credit to the Band Perry for their song "If I Die Young," which I used for Lilo when she danced in front of all her ohana. **

**I do not own Lilo and Stitch, Invader Zim, or Batman the Animated Series… (but that would be really cool if I did).**

**I think I neglected Stitch a little in my last fan fiction, so I'll try to mention him a bit more in this one.**

**Even though Myrtle is somewhat nicer to Lilo in Maran Zelde's story, "Policy of Truth" I've changed her back to the old self from the movies and TV show in this one. Just 'cause I don't think she would ever really accept Lilo or Stitch for whom they are… and 'cause she an ugly freaking brat! **

* * *

Chapter 1 Fact, Fiction and Affection

"Girls, I have a special announcement to make." Moses said to his hula class. The girls immediately stopped talking and looked up at him. They were well use to announcements from their instructor but from the excitement in his tone, today seemed especially intriguing. "This year Wayne Enterprises is hosting the annual company party with a Hawaiian theme. And here's the best part, they have issued a demand for traditional hula dancers to perform in the opening show of the evening. So they have contacted us to dance for them in Gotham city next month."

Excited gasps and squeals of delight filled the room. Everyone knew that Wayne Enterprises was one of the largest companies in the world and to be invited to perform for them in Gotham was nothing short of spectacular.

Moses continued. "They have heard about our fine hula team in Kauai and the many awards we've won in the past," he gestured to the wall embellished with colorful ribbons and pictures of their team along with trophies and medals in gold, silver and bronze. "With the reputation we have been keeping up for the past seven years, they have invited us on an all expense paid trip to perform."

If there was excitement before, it was nothing compared to what exploded in the room after his statement. The girls screamed and giggled with pure animation. This was truly beyond anything that they had dreamed of. Even Lilo was welcomed to share in the giddiness for a few moments when she normally would've been excluded from the rest. Stitch ooed and clapped in gusto for the luck they'd been granted.

They took that class time to decide on opinions for the hula they would present. Ideas were thrown around but nothing could be decided in the end.

Dib was waiting outside of the halua after practice and he greeted Lilo and Stitch with enthusiasm. He was dressed in kaki shorts with a lot of pockets. He hadn't worn the black coat of his for over a month now. He'd finally given it up when he realized the weather wasn't getting any colder and he'd nearly been the victim of three heat strokes. Lilo told Dib about the great news and his reaction turned out to be something of a surprise.

"You're going to Gotham city?" He repeated in a single excited breath. "No way! I've always wanted to go there."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah!" He nodded enthusiastically. "It's the home of Batman."

"Who?" Stitch asked, walking in between them on all four legs.

"Batman!" Dib repeated excitedly. When he saw the blank looks their faces, he sputtered exasperatedly. "You guys have never heard of Batman?"

"Well no. Who is he?"

"Who is Batman? Only most known _vampire_ in the world."

Lilo gasped. "He is? And he's in Gotham?"

"The rumor is that he's a good vampire, I guess. He only goes after criminals and villains apparently. But he's never ever seen during the day. And come on, a guy dressed up as a bat with supernatural speed and strength?"

"Wow! A real vampire."

"Maybe we see him?" Stitch added hopefully.

"That would be so cool! I've never met a real vampire before. Maybe he'll give us an autograph?" Lilo grasped her hands and squealed. She had a feeling this trip would be a wonderful experience for both of them.

"Boy I'd give anything to come with you guys." The look on Dib's face looked so forlorn, Lilo felt she just had to cheer him up somehow. She was about to tell him a funny joke to lift his spirits, when she had a sudden inspiration.

"Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't you ask Moses if you could be our manager?"

"What?"

"Yeah. I mean it's a big trip for us, and Moses could definitely use the help. Why don't you ask him? Then you could go on the trip with us and you might see Batman."

"Are you sure?" He wasn't at all certain about the idea of being a manager to a bunch of girls.

"Come on." Stitch said nudging him a little. "It fun!"

Dib rubbed his neck uncertainly. "I dunno. He might not let me."

"Just ask him." She prompted, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "The whole trick is to get on his good side. Be polite, pay attention, don't say anything about paranormal studies, and most importantly, act like hula is the first and foremost thing you care about. Moses really loves it when mainlanders share a deep interest in Hawaiian traditions."

"Well… okay." Dib said at last. "I'll try it."

"Great. The trip will be even more exciting if all three of us are able to go. And who knows you might actually like being our manager."

So the following day, Dib went to the halau early and asked Moses for the position of managing the hula team. After waiting no less than fifteen minutes, Lilo and stitch saw Dib walk slowly out the door. From the gloomy look on his face, they automatically expected the worst.

"Oh no… did he say no?" Lilo asked hesitantly.

Dib looked at her for a moment, a sad puppy-dog look in his eyes. Lilo and Stitch moved to pat him sympathetically on the back. Then his face split into a mischievous smile and he beamed at them. "He said yes!" Dib cried unexpectedly.

Lilo couldn't believe the boy would lead them on like that, yet instead of being upset for his trick, she cheered and clapped with Stitch. "Yay! This is going to be great! We're going to have so much fun!"

Now the only obstacle was convincing her sister to let her go. She begged and pleaded to Nani for three hours after hula practice that day to let Lilo go to Gotham city with her team. The woman had been hesitant about it. She'd heard rumors floating around in papers, magazines, and the news channels about the dangers that city seemed to emanate. The rumors of a grown man in a bat suit had traveled as far as their home island, though none of them seemed to be very reliable. The whole fact that her sister would be gone for a whole week didn't sit well with her either.

Nani also hadn't liked the idea that Lilo, Stitch, and now Dib would all be traveling there together. The trio went everywhere together these days, and had even turned out to be the cause of several mischievous acts. Some even involving a pack of werewolves on the full moon and some deviled eggs. Lilo had repeated over and over again that she had nothing to do with those accusations, though Nani had a feeling that the girl wasn't being fully honest with her.

Lilo promised numerous times that she would be on her best behavior and would stick close to Stitch and Dib and her team the entire trip. She'd crossed her heart and hoped to die twice already and added cherries, whipped cream, and mummy chow to her "pleases" before the woman finally gave in.

"Alright. If you _promise_ to behave, I'll sign the permission slip and you can go." She held her hand out for a shake. "Do we have a deal?"

Lilo shook, completely thrilled by her decision. "Deal! And I will be so good from here till the trip. I'll clean my room, wash the dishes, and stay out of trouble for the entire month. You won't even have to tell me twice."

Nani rolled her eyes but smiled slightly. The woman would more than likely have to tell her _three_ times before the girl did what she was told. Yet by the end of the month, her sister had surprised the woman by remaining true to her words. The dishes were done every night, her room stayed dutifully spotless, and Lilo, along with both Stitch and Dib, had remained faithfully out of trouble. As it turned out, the team was so preoccupied with making their hula flawless, that they'd barely been doing anything else.

Dib proved himself to be a worthy manager, with help from Stitch of course. Everyday he went over his usual routines such as retrieving the girls water when they stopped to take a break, mending hula skirts that had been torn, setting up the paperwork for their trip, scheduling their plane tickets, and making errands.

In time, the other girls began to like Dib as their manager. The presence of a boy seemed to have surprising affects that not even Lilo could have predicted. While Lilo spoke with Stitch and Dib, the rest of the team would gather together whispering low and giggling occasionally. Sometimes one would point over to where the trio was standing and the girls would nod or snicker in response.

"Don't pay attention to them," Lilo said when they'd attracted Dib's curious eye. "They're probably talking about how weird we are."

In reality though, she probably couldn't be more far from the truth. Sometimes the girls teased Dib in flirty, playful ways such as _accidentally_ dropping their water and then asking him, almost too sweetly, to get them another one. Sometimes they would pretend to trip on their costume and fall into him like some actress in the old black and white films. When they did this, he always caught them. These odd little acts earned them confused frowns from both Lilo and Stitch that mostly seemed to say, "_What on earth is wrong with you?_"

Even Myrtle insisted on tormenting the poor boy, though none could be rivaled when it came to Elena. The little girl with the blond pigtails was persistent to catch his attention and it became quite obvious in their little group, that the girl had a maddening crush on him. She'd do everything to get him to look at her: drop books as she was walking by, bump into him (always on accident), finish her water sooner than the others so he'd need to give her a refill, twist her ankle and lean on his shoulder for support, and the always winning, bend and snap.

It might have been obvious to everyone else what she felt for the confused boy, but the trio didn't understand what made the girl so clumsy when she walked by. Dib was starting to feel like a pack mule to these weirdo girls. The only thing that made it all worthwhile was the fact that he got to spend time with Stitch and especially Lilo.

Dib never let on to their affections. In fact he was probably brain-dead to their strenuous hinting. He didn't even know there was something wrong with them besides the fact that they were really, really clumsy.

To be completely honest, the work of a manager was drop-dead boring. If Stitch wasn't there to help him, he might have quite after awhile. As it turned out, he ended up having quite an unusual amount of down time, so he took that opportunity to learn more about the vampire they were aiming to see.

"None of the reading material I've acquired is very reliable." He admitted to the girl and alien dog one afternoon on the beach. Lilo was in her bathing suit with a peanut butter sandwich in hand.

She turned to the boy before she dove in. "Well what have you found out about him?"

"Well lots of things. A lot of it is under wraps but the Swollen Eyeballs were able to fill me in on some things." He answered looking over the piles of notes he'd taken. He read over a few major information. "Batman is know to have cunning speed and agility. He can fly through the air without being detected. Batman drives a highly advanced vehicle that police agents name as the Bat Mobile. He is often seen working with two other aliases. A woman by the title "Batgirl" and a teenaged boy known as "Robin." Their greatest adversary would most likely be recognized as a woman known as Harley Quinn and her some times sidekick the Joker, a most wanted criminal, diagnosed with extreme personality and psychosis.

"Harley Quinn, also know as Dr. Harleen Quinzel, was once a psychiatrist working at Arkhem Asylum located on Arkhem island, a few miles outside of Gotham City. She met the Joker in the asylum a bit after Batman apprehended him for the fifth time and brought him there. Harleen was his personal doctor. After several months of treating him, she developed an innate attachment to her patient. When the Joker escaped from penitentiary several months after his conviction, he was captured, almost immediately, by Batman, who returned him once again to the nuthouse. Quinzell took the Joker's apprehension personally, and set out to free him at once, using an impressive assortment of gas and explosives. To this day they work side by side in detailed and elaborate criminal activities. Quinzell, now know as Harley Quinn, sports a red and back outfit similar to the old character harlequin. She is wanted in thirteen states for burglary, treason, trespassing, destruction of private and public property, and murder. She is diagnosed with radical personality and has a total disregard for human life. She is found on the top most wanted listings in the country to this day."

"Wow!" Stitch said after a pause.

"Wow!" Lilo repeated. "She sounds dangerous not to mention really scary. I hope we don't run into her."

"No kidding." Dib said turning to some more notes about the hero Batman. "To be honest I think we'll be lucky to even see one of Batman's sidekicks before we see him."

Lilo was more optimistic. "Maybe there will be a bank robbery and we'll see him just as he zooms in for the rescue? Even if we don't, the trip will still be fun."

Dib sighed. "Yeah I guess."

Lilo gave him an encouraging smile before, diving in the salty ocean to feed Pudge his sandwich.

Dib watched her disappear, waiting with Stitch for the moment when she would emerge again. He hated to think he'd wasted a whole month being the manager for a bunch of girls just to find out he wouldn't see the most famous vampire in the world… well famous besides Dracula. He didn't count that new vampire, Edward whatzit, as being that famous. Especially since he couldn't actually count as a true vampire anyways. Vampires don't sparkle and they don't fall in love with humans and they most certainly don't have rock-hard skin.

Why couldn't people just stick with the facts these days?

* * *

**So that's the first chapter to the not-so-long-awaited sequel. It took me hardly three weeks to finish my first story and I got this posted in less than four days from when I put in the last chapter of my story.**

**I mentioned a bit about Twilight in this chapter and even though I'm kinda in the process of making my own fanfic for the saga, I must admit I absolutely HATE that series, or at least the movies. Just because they managed to totally screw with real vampires. They really don't sparkle I hope you know. The actors are so stiff and unpleasant it's like they all have rakes shoved up their a***s. **

**I sort of had a deleted scene for this part of the story. It takes place after Moses tells the girls that their going to Gotham and they all sit around in a circle and name off some ideas. I decided not to put it in because, looking it over, I realized it didn't really fit in with what I was trying to do.**

* * *

**Lilo and Myrtle's argument**

"So here's what I've decided," Moses announced. "We will do an opening dance together, then each of you will do a separate one, which you've made yourself that explains a native Hawaiian Legend. You may take class time toady to discuss any thoughts that you have."

The girls gathered in a circle to throw their ideas around.

"Wow! Gotham is huge! Wayne Enterprises—huge!" Myrtle stated sitting in the center of her usual posse.

"The chance to perform in front of important business officials is huge!" Lilo added clapping her hands happily.

"We have to be really good!" Teresa said and the girls nodded in agreement. "Not just good, but better than what our best is."

"Definitely."

"And our ideas have to be nothing short of spectacular." Myrtle said, and for some reason they all took that moment to glare at Lilo.

She stared back blankly, unsure what they were trying to say with those nasty frowns. "What?"

"We can't have our biggest breakthrough ruined by you." Myrtle sneered, pointing a nasty finger at the native Hawaiian. "Or your weirdo dog creature thing."

Lilo hated being excluded as the only different one of the group. _Why were they always so closed with her insight and her great ideas?_

"It's because they're all just a bunch of clones." Nani had told her once before. "They don't want to come up with anything original or impractical, they just want to do the same thing every time. You should never change yourself to be like something you can find within a dozen." One out of a million, that's what Nani had called Lilo. One _out_ of a million, whereas all theses girls were each one _of _a million. Easy enough to find again and again, just like stars. When Lilo had said that stars were pretty though, Nani argued that you could look up at the night sky and find the exact same sort of star over and over again. Lilo, she said however, was a supernova, colossal and glittering with colorful dust, always changing and shifting. She would never be the same no mater where you looked. She was her own unique self.

That had cheered Lilo in ways that she hadn't expected. These girls were stars, and they could go on being the same old speck in the distance while Lilo was a supernova, colossal and glittering with colorful dust.

"Stitch is not a weirdo dog creature thing." She sneered back to Myrtle, her hands on her hips. She learned to stand up for herself and her friends along time ago. "And I'm as much apart of this hula team as anyone else. I helped get us all those awards over there too, and my ideas count just as much as yours do, Myrtle."

When she was little she would've died to be accepted by them at last. To have human friends her own age with similar interests, had been her dream. Yet over the years she'd learned that she finally didn't need a single ounce of these girls to be happy. She'd thought about being apart of their group, dreamed about being accepted as one of them actually. Until one day Lilo looked at the lot of them, and decided she wanted nothing to do with the clones ever again. She studied their behavior time and time again. They didn't offer to do anything unless there was something in it for them and they never wanted to do something new. All it took was for Lilo to step back a little and see just what kind of people they truly were… and she wanted nothing to do with them.

Lilo didn't need them and that was enough. She had Stitch, six hundred twenty-six cousins, a big sister, an evil alien scientist for an uncle, a three-legged aunt/uncle, and now she had Dib, her next-door neighbor and closest friend apart from Stitch.

The girls were taken aback a bit by the blow-up, when Lilo was typically a very tolerant girl, even when they insulted her. It looked like she'd finally had enough though. Myrtle didn't seem to notice and hauled back into her aversion of the different one. "Yeah well if you weren't we'd get a lot more done."

"Oh please, Myrtle, do explain how you would be able to do better without me."

Myrtle sputtered, groping in her memory of what it was again that made Lilo so terrible at hula. "Your balance is completely clumsy and it really throws the rest of us off."

"That's ridiculous!" Lilo cried indignantly. She wasn't going to let Myrtle get away with openly insulting her like that. There was no reason to be humble about her dancing in this argument. "My balance is perfect and you know it!"

"Is not. You jerk and stumble around all the time. And your ideas are just plain stupid!"

"My ideas are unique because no one else would ever think about them."

"That's why they're stupid. Because no one _is_ suppose to do them."

"You call "a Day in the Life of Myrtle Edmonds" a movie box seller? Who the horseshoe gives a mouse butt what you do everyday? You're a brat!"

Lilo was right of course but the instructor didn't seem to think so. He took both Lilo and Myrtle out from the halua to have a few words on how important it was to treat their teammates with respect.

"If you girls don't start getting along," he told them together, "I'm afraid you won't be coming along with the team to Gotham."

"What? But Moses you can't do that!" Myrtle cried indignantly. "My whole life I've waited for an opportunity like this, and you'll crush my dream now if you say I can't go."

"I'm sorry, Myrtle, but for the next month you'd better start showing each other the courtesy that's long overdue, or my decision will be final the next time. Understand?"

"Yes, sir." Lilo promised gloomily. She was finally standing up for herself and Moses was making her swallow her words once again. "I'll be good."


	2. Puka

Chapter 2  
Puka

"Come on, Dib. It's professional to get a nice hair cut before you go to the big city." Lilo pulled Dib into a barbershop where one of their best friends worked. Dib was hesitant, not because he was cutting the long lightning-shaped calic sticking out of his head, but because he wasn't entirely comfortable with having an alien do it for him.

"I don't' need a haircut." He argued trying to break from the grip Lilo had on his wrist. In all fairness he wasn't really trying that hard; he liked the squeeze of her palm on his skin. For as hot as it was on the island, her palm was comfortably cool.

"Awe, don't be like that. Clip is a great cosmetologist. She does Jumba's hair for him."

"Jumba has three measly hairs sticking out of his skull like antennae!" Dib cried indignantly.

"It'll be nice to have a change. You'll see. Clip knows exactly what people like."

He groaned but followed Lilo into a shop, if only reluctantly. He was grateful for the immediate breeze of cool air when they entered the building, the heat was nearly unbearable in this foreign state.

There was a woman at the front of the shop with a hairdo like an octopus. She sat at a desk and seemed to do most of the paperwork while the stylist worked towards the back. She spoke into a phone but looked up at Lilo when she walked in and waved proudly to her. Lilo waved back but didn't dare disturb her conversation. So instead she walked to the back leading Dib by the arm.

Dib's eyes swiveled to see a sandy colored hairball wiz over a man's bright red hair and trim it quickly with the long claws she used for scissors. A pink bow was tide in a single pigtail on her head and her buggy eyes were the color of denim. In a twister of fur and clippers, she'd trimmed the man's hair in mere seconds. Instead of eating it as the creature usually did, she twined the locks into a fine hairball and brought it over to another hairball curled on a pink cushion set upon a shelf lined with hair products. At first Dib mistook it to be a cat or some sort of small rodent. Then it moved and Dib saw two similar eyes looking into its mother's.

"Puka." The larger of the two said in a sing-song little voice. She held the orange bundle to the little creature and it opened its mouth wide and swallowed the hair whole. It burped happily and settled back into its sleep. Clip patted the little hairball sweetly and turned back to her customers.

Lilo's eyes went big, as if the thing was as cute as a little kitten. "Is that Puka, Clip? He's so cute."

"Whose Puka?" Dib whispered in her ear. With the number of aliens scattered over the island, it was difficult for him to keep up with all of them. He wondered how Lilo was able to do it so well and he admired her for keeping such good care of so many.

"Puka is Clip's baby. She had him three weeks ago."

"I didn't know she had a baby. Who's his father?"

Her voice was low as she spoke back in his ear. "Puka only has a mother. I think Clip must be a hermaphrodite so she can have babies whenever she wants."

Dib nodded. That made sense for some reason. He wasn't quite sure but the whole fact that she was just a fluffy ball of hair could've had something to do with it. Since Jumba hadn't exactly made a sufficient counterpart for Clip, perhaps this was the only way she'd be able to reproduce. He couldn't think of many the other experiments that would make a fine match for her.

Clip spotted them that minute and waved her right clippers to the two, making a happy noise that sounded like, "Ah! Ah! Batookah, Lilo."

"Batooka, Clip. How is your… um… little one today?"

Clip grinned happily and bounced back over to the cushion on the shelf. She cooed softly like a mother gently waking her baby from a nap. The mound stirred once and blinked its big black eyes.

"Goo?" It asked wearily. Clip pecked her mouth to the small thing's head and picked him up carefully. She hopped back over to Lilo and Dib and handed the furry creature to the girl. Lilo held him gentle just like she would with a new born human infant, though this creature leaned more towards that of a cat when it came to durability… as well as resemblance.

"He's so cute." She said swooning over it admirably. It purred once and smiled up at her. She fingered his paws and noticed something neither of them had before. "Hey, he doesn't have any clippers. Is that normal?" She looked at Clip and surprisingly she shook her head, not entirely certain herself. Maybe the clippers were based on gender, or perhaps it was merely because he wasn't fully matured, or maybe her offspring just didn't have them. No one could say for sure.

Then the little thing did something that surprised them both. He jumped out of her arms and climbed up to sit onto her shoulder cuddling closer to her.

"Aw, he likes me!" She patted him warmly and he nuzzled closer purring in her ear. Then she noticed something that sounded like munching. "Um… Clip, I think he likes me too much."

Clip zoomed on her shoulder, grabbing her little son and held him at arms length from her. Her look was that of a disapproving mother scolding her child. "Naga, Puka! Naga moonchin Lilo uburnium."

The creature looked at her blankly for a moment then it yawned and whimpered something in a language that must've been Tantalog. Then it opened its mouth wide and pointed inside. Clip responded to his need for more food by shaking her head and saying something in their native tongue. Then she bounded back over to the cushion and set him down, handing him a makeshift doll made from socks and buttons.

When she saw her baby occupied, she bounced back over to her customers and smiled. "Puka, naga… eeeat bulack hair." She stuttered with difficulty.

"He doesn't eat black hair?" Lilo repeated, "How come?"

"Too stro-ong… for teeny tummy."

"Oh." Lilo seemed to understand now. "It's bad for his diet. He's a baby, so I guess he's only able to stand light colors and silky hair, right?" Clip nodded, glad the girl could understand so quickly. "That's makes sense. I guess my hair is too coarse for him as well right?" Clip nodded yet again.

Dib wanted to tell Lilo her hair was perfect how it was but stopped himself in case he looked too much like a kiss-up. Lilo pushed him forward at that time. "You've met Dib before. He needs a haircut. We're going on a trip to Gothem City. What can you do for him?"

Clip smiled benignly gesturing to the chair she stood on. "Ah! Sit!"

Dib hesitated. He dropped his bag next to the shelf as he was pulled forward towards the mirror. He really wasn't too sure about this. What if she made him bald or gave him a mohawk or some ridiculous hairstyle of the sort. Lilo pulled him into the chair and a cape was tied around his neck. The hairball creature was already zooming over his head before Dib had the chance to cry out, "Not too much off."

He shut his eyes tight, fearing the results. "Dib open your eyes." Lilo prompted, pulling on his sleeve a bit. He slowly opened one eye and gazed at his reflection.

"You look great." Lilo stated, and to be honest, Dib couldn't disagree. He did look pretty good. His hair looked windswept and seemed to have filled his head a lot more now so that he didn't look so bald in the back. The lightning bolt spike might have been gone but somehow he didn't seem to miss it all that much. He looked actually kinda cool, if he said so himself; kind of like he was a character from the Matrix. In fact, he resembled something more like a futuristic Harry Potter.

"Wow!" He observed himself closer. "It looks good… I didn't think it would."

"Clip is a very practiced hair stylist." Lilo announced patting the creature a little on the back. "Now for the bill. How much do we owe you?" She dug in her purse for some money.

"Tienet, doolar."

"Ten dollars? Is that it?"

"Ih."

Dib nearly wanted to whack himself. Why on earth was Lilo paying for _his_ hair? He snatched his bag up and caught Lilo's hand as she was handing some money over to the woman at the counter. "Let me get it. It _is_ my hair after all."

"But I'm the one who pushed you to get one."

"Yeah, but still," Dib insisted, not wanting to come across as a jerk that made the girl pick up his tab. "I think in all fairness you should let me do it."

"Well I guess that makes sense."

Dib rooted in his pocket for the money. He sure hoped he had a ten. It would be pretty awkward for him to insist on paying when he didn't even have the required amount. He fished out five bills and four quarters, which turned out to be all the money he had for the day. Looks like he wouldn't be able to stop for an afternoon snack. He handed the woman the money and she exchanged it for a receipt. He stuffed it into his pocked without looking at it and walked back out into the blistering heat with Lilo.

* * *

"Wow, Dib, your hair looks really nice. Did you cut it?"

Dib stood with the rest of the hula team in the comfortably cool airport. Families of the girls, wishing them good luck, stood behind the metal detectors as the children began to board the plane. Elena stood uncommonly close to him as she admired his new hairstyle with disturbing interest.

"Uh, yeah. I got it cut today with Lilo." He moved to stand closer to native Hawaiian, attempting to escape the strange little girl bearing down on him. She merely inched closer.

"It's so cute!" She squealed joyfully. "You should leave it that way from now on." Then she reached up and ruffled his hair playfully.

That just about made Dib feel totally awkward. He escaped from the hand that groped him and swiveled around to put Lilo and Stitch in between him and the creepy little blond girl. Elena pouted, feeling the taste of rejection first hand. Lilo seemed to wear an expression of smugness at seeing her teammate's failure to win over his affections.

"Okay, everybody." Moses announced handing out pieces of paper to his class. "Everybody take your tickets and make sure not to loose them. You all have the proper identification, correct?" Everyone nodded. "Okay lets get going."

They all boarded the plane, leaving paradise far behind and entering into an altogether new world.

* * *

Thirteen hours and three exhausting flights later, they arrived at a large airport overlooking a dark city. Lilo told herself that it only looked dark because it was nighttime. Even still, it looked daunting, like there was a looming criminal presence within it. She made a promise to definitely stay with Stitch and Dib during her visit. She didn't want to run anything unwanted.

"There's Mr. Drake over there everyone." Moses announced pointing to a man hardly older than possibly nineteen. He was dressed respectively in a suit and tie with a sign that read, "Kokaua Town Hula Team." The girls along with Stitch and Dib followed Moses over to the man who spotted them as they were walking over.

"Aloha." Moses reached out, shaking his hand promptly. "We are the hula team recruited for Mr. Wayne."

Mr. Drake eyed the curious group. His gaze lingering mostly on Dib and then Stitch who stood out as a questionable addition to the team.

"He's our mascot." Lilo said, answering the silent question in his wrinkled brow. He shrugged with her words, turning and bidding them to follow him. They all filed into a van, stowing their bags in the back. Dib jumped to get the spot by the window and dragged Lilo in the seat besides him. Just as he'd thought, Elena looked over to the place she'd hoped for and frowned when she saw it being occupied. Stitch crawled in and took the remaining seat besides his best friend and they all settled in for a ride.

After a while Dib noticed a low squeaking. Both his friends turned to him, hearing it as well. They looked around, trying to distinguish where the strange noise was coming from. Their gazes turned to the back and they listened closer. It was definitely coming from in the back. They searched the bags till they came upon Dib's old backpack. The moment they opened it a fluffy brown head popped out and they were blinking into big black eyes.

"PUKA?"

* * *

**The TV series for Lilo and Stitch is pretty limited to the separate characteristics of Myrtle's clique. So I wanted to give them a sense of individuality in this story when I made one of the girls crushed out on Dib. Even though these girls seem to be more like different looking clones constantly tagging close to Myrtle, I felt that they still are separate people and needed some of their own personalities. I didn't want to make Myrtle rival Lilo in this instance because I felt she's mentioned enough in the TV series and movies. Plus, judging from her superior disposition to all others, she would think it was beneath her to like someone who associates with Weirdlo and her alien dog. Even still she's mentioned "teasing" Dib a bit in the first chapter along with the rest of the girls.**

**I'm sorry to say that Gaz and Dr. Membrane will not be featured in this story, however, both Zim and Gir will make an appearance later on.  
**

**Thanks for reading my story:) Please review.**


	3. Bruce Wayne to the Rescue

Chapter 3  
Bruce Wayne to the Rescue 

"Puka! What are you doing here?" Lilo lifted him gently out of Dib's bag and cradled him like a baby. The creature looked so tiny and helpless and scared. _Had he been in there the whole trip? When was the last time he ate?_ Now that she looked at him he looked horribly thin. "Poor baby." She moaned snuggling him closer.

They needed to get him some hair to eat… and fast. He looked like he was about ready to topple over.

"Mr. Drake!" Dib shouted to the front of the van. "Is there any chance we could stop at a barbershop?"

The man looked back at the boy. In his mirror, Dib saw him raise an eyebrow as if to say, "Are you serious?"

"It's an emergency!" he cried in answer. There was no time to explain now; they needed to feed a dying baby.

"Dib," Moses began calmly, "Why do you need to go to a barbershop?"

"I… my hair is falling out!" He said quickly. He didn't even need the raised eyebrows from the rest of the group to know it was a stupid thing to say, but it was really the only thing he could think of. Mr. Drake looked even less inclined to stop for the boy. Then both Stitch and Lilo shouted up to the front, "PLEASE, SIR! It's an emergency!"

"Alright!" He pulled over to a promising shop and all three jumped out, hardly waiting for when the vehicle halted completely. They ran to the doors in a frantic, throwing them open and rushing in without a pause. There was a barrel of hair in the far corner. They earned several curious glances from customers and the workers as they rooted through it all. Trying to figure out what would best fit the diet of an alien hair-eating monster was difficult. Lilo decided to just stick with pale lochs, deliberately passing over anything darker than red. When they had a sufficient amount they sat in a corner and rolled the strands into bite-sized morsels.

They offered the food to the baby in Lilo's arms. Slowly he began to eat up, careful to take only a little at a time then gradually eating more and more. They let out a relieved sigh together at once when they suddenly found him refusing the hair, issuing that he was full at last. Lilo hugged him close. Oh he'd made her so scared. It was a miracle he hadn't died.

The trio looked up when they caught the snooping glances from the people around them. The owner of the shop walked forward at that time. From the sneer in his voice he really didn't appreciate them bursting into his business with some weird creature that ate hair along with a blue dog thing. "May I help you hooligans?"

"Oh… uh sorry, sir." Lilo tried pulling the big puppy eyes she used on Nani when she needed something. "Is it alright if we took some of your discarded hair? Our…um… pet eats hair and we needed some right away. We'd be more than obliged to pay for it if that's what was wrong."

The man pointed towards the door. "Please get out."

They didn't need telling twice. Sometimes it was just better not to argue with someone who looked that angry.

They filed out and climbed back into the van with the rest of their team and the two adults. Everyone pinned them with the same astonished frown.

"Please explain what has just happened?" Mr. Drake demanded.

Lilo, Stitch, and Dib all exchanged uncomfortable glances, and then looked to the rest of their team searching for a bit of help. Everyone recognized Puka as Clip's baby, for most of them got their hair done at the salon where she worked. All of them knew about the strange creatures back home but none had ever told anyone outside of the island what they truly were. What ever happened on the Kauai, stayed on Kauai. They were uncertain how much they should explain to the man before them. He probably wouldn't even believe the whole truth; most people didn't anyways.

"Well, sir, it's this," Lilo began fixing up a plausible story that she prayed would be enough for the man after he listened. "Our pet snuck into our bags and we didn't know he'd done it so he was stuck there the whole trip here. He's just a baby and he was in there without any food. And you see, he's a very rare animal. He's an earless, hair-eating geniepig from… uh… Utah. So we needed to stop here at this shop to get him food otherwise he would've died and his mother would've been very sad."

From the look on Mr. Drake's face he definitely didn't think her story was realistic enough. Lilo's eyes turned to Moses, beckoning her teacher to back her up. He took the hint and started suddenly.

"Oh—um—yes! The Pelekais are a family very interested in rare and unusual species, Mr. Drake. Right girls?"

"Tell me about it." Myrtle said sarcastically. "Their whole family is a pack of weirdo animals."

"YEEEEAH!" Her three friends said in unison just as they'd done ever since they were five.

Mr. Drake said nothing. He just looked at the strange bunch he'd collected at the airport for a minute, then turned in his seat and started the car again. No one spoke during the rest of the trip to the hotel they were staying at. Mr. Drake parked the van and handed Moses some card keys to their rooms.

"We're true to our word." He said helping Teresa with her bag, which was nearly as big as she was. Mr. Drake lifted it just as easily as if he had Stitch's near unlimited strength. "This is an all expense paid trip, so your rooms have already been taken care of. They'll be on floor nine." He walked into the lobby and strolled to the front desk, motioning the group to go to their rooms while he took care of business.

Dib would be sharing a room with Moses, and Myrtle, Teresa, and Alika would have the room opposite of them. That left Lilo and Stitch to bunk with Elena and to be honest she really didn't agree with the plan. Somehow neither did Myrtle.

"You shouldn't have to stay in that room with Weirdlo and her mutant dog." She said stepping in between her friend and the two strange individuals. Somehow Lilo got the vibe that Myrtle believed that if any of her clique members spent too much time with Lilo, they would start liking her. This seemed true in Elena's case. "You should stay in our room Elena; just incase their weirdo cooties are contagious. After all you don't want to associate with the lower elements."

Lilo turned from the girls. She really didn't care what they thought of her. At that moment she had more important matters to attend to. She beckoned to her best friends and they followed her into her room. She switched on a light and dumped her bag on a bed. Rooting around a bit, she produced an address book with a picture of a werewolf on the front of it the next minute. "Shannon's Salon should be in here." She mumbled, flipping through pages. She found it and dialed a number on the cell phone Jumba had made for her before she'd gone on this trip. It was answered after the first ring.

The distraught voice of Shannon, the owner of the salon where Clip worked at, answered. "Hello?"

"Hello, Shannon. This is Lilo. Is Clip there?"

"Oh my, do you know?" Lilo suspected the woman meant the fact that Puka was missing.

"Yes and you don't need to worry anymore. He's with us."

"He is? But you're in Gothem." The woman gasped suddenly. "You didn't purposefully take him with you, did you?"

"No, of course not. We think he might've snuck into Dib's bag when we were at the salon. Could you give the phone to Clip?" there was movement on the other end as Shannon handed the phone to a creature that made a fuzzy sound when her fur rubbed against the receiver. Then her voice rang out loud and clear and worried.

"PUKA!"

"Don't worry, he's safe. We've fed him and he's sleeping right now."

Her voice was packed with relief and gratefulness. "Lilo, takka morcheeba mockeecha goobi."

"Don't mention it. It's what we're here for. Do you have special care for him that we need to follow?" Lilo dug in her bag for a notebook and began writing down the directions needed to take care of a baby hairball. She nodded with each statement, making occasional sounds of understanding. After a while she at last put her pen down. "Don't worry about a thing, Clip. We'll take good care of him. I promise _nothing_ will happen to him in our care."

"Taka muka, Lilo! Tell im porma love Puka!"

"I will. I don't want to wake him up right now. He's had a rough day and he needs his sleep. I'll call you tomorrow okay. Bye."

"Bye."

She stuffed it quickly in her pocket the moment the phone went silent. Dib and Stitch looked at her for instructions. First thing was first; they'd need to go shopping. They needed to find Puka a suitable bed, get him some more food that would hopefully last him their visit to Gothem, pick up some hair products (Clip had made it very clear that they needed to keep him properly groomed), and finally get him some toys to keep him occupied.

They needed to ask Moses to ask Mr. Drake if he would drive them to a supermarket and then to another hair salon. The man seemed very unwilling to associate with these foreigners any more than he had to. Lilo thought she'd better try for them. Pulling out the innocent look that always worked with her sister, she asked very nicely, "Sir, could you please take us to the nearest supermarket. We'll pay for all the stuff our self. Or if it's close by, you can just tell us where it is and we can walk there if it's too much trouble. Or if you need—"

"There is no way I'm letting you walk there by yourself." He stated sternly. From the tone in his voice, Lilo expected he despised the idea of two kids wondering the streets of such a big city alone even more than he wanted to take them anywhere. He sighed after a moment and said rather reluctantly, "All right. But just as long as you behave."

Dib and Stitch shared a look of indignation. As if _this_ man had anything to fear from them yet. After all he didn't even know them. They hadn't even started their hunting for the vampire in question, and he already thought they would stoop to immediate trouble. What kind of people did he think they were?

They piled into a much smaller car than the one they'd come in. It was also much nicer. Lilo took the front seat while the boys piled into the back seat. Mr. Drake revved up the engine and they were down the road. Lilo could feel his sidelong glances on her and the hairy animal in her arms each time they stopped at a red light.

It was an uncomfortable ride, but they had no intention to say anything about the nature of their odd animals if he wasn't going to just ask them himself.

They stopped at a supermarket and purchased the needed products to ensure Puka's health and happiness. They were considerately quick with their shopping as Mr. Drake waited in the car for their return. They'd taken less than five minutes to search and acquire all the materials as well as walk back to the vehicle something in which had Surprised Mr. Drake quite well. From his expression he expected them to take much longer.

They drove back to the hotel in the same uncomfortable silence. Mr. Drake was obviously a very self-counseling man as well as obviously incredibly serious. So much so, that it was almost intimidating.

When they arrived Mr. Drake dropped them off at the front lobby without a word before he sped away again.

"Wow," Lilo said watching as the car disappeared in traffic. "I wonder if all Wayne employees are like that."

* * *

"What is this?"

Moses stood with the team in the ballroom where they would be performing that Saturday. He was arguing with a man who was known and the director. He was a man dressed in tacky leather pants and a purple shirt with a Gabano design. A red scarf was swung lazily around his shoulders and his hair was a bleached blond pixie cut. At first Dib had mistaken him for a woman.

The first minute he saw the hula team he jabbed a critical finger at them. "What is this?" he snapped.

"Oh… uh we're the hula team to perform for the party you have on Saturday." Moses began spreading his arms out towards his team.

The man looked appalled at the sight of them. "We asked for indigenous natives to the islands. What are all those other girls for?" he waved to Alika, Teresa, Elena, and especially Myrtle whom all had pale skin and separate hair colors that were outlandish from regular Hawaiian's.

"They're my class." Moses answered. _Duh!_

"We asked for girls with Hawaiian ancestry." The man said pounding his index finger to his opposite palm impatiently. "Girls who look more like _her_!" He jabbed a finger at Lilo who was the most authentic looking islander in the room (besides Moses). Her dark skin, brown eyes, long black hair, as well as her red and white mu'mu were what made her look exotic to this cold weather and white people.

"You won't let us perform because we don't all look like Werdlo?" Myrtle's voice was high as she took in the unfairness of the situation.

"I'm sorry." The director said, and Dib had the feeling he was more sorry for himself, "But I'm afraid we can't use you for this. You'll have to go home."

"WHAT!" The entire team shouted it with one voice.

"Sir we've worked an entire month for this." Moses tried. "We were called by Wayne enterprises because of our accomplishments in the past, not for our ancestry!"

"Yeah!" Lilo said coming in behind him and stamping her foot indifferently. "What kind of country is this that you have the right to deny us because you don't like the color of our skin? What ever happened to Civil Rights?"

"Look." The man said flipping his hair in a much too self-righteous gesture. "Mr. Wayne specifically asked for hula dancers with original Hawaiian heritage. You're team doesn't qualify… unless you have the one girl perform."

Everyone looked at Lilo who shrank back a bit. She may not have had soft feelings for her team, but she certainly didn't want to be the only one performing all alone in front of hundreds of important officials.

_This was just so unfair!_ The director's smirk made Dib want to jump up and strangle him. He hadn't wasted an entire month babying a bunch of girls to be turned back now.

"Listen here, mister," Dib began, poking at him angrily in the chest. The boy might've been much shorter than the man, but that didn't mean Dib couldn't probably beat him up, he'd had plenty of training for that thanks to Zim. "We've spent an entire month rehearsing nonstop, fashioning costumes, and polishing this dance till it's perfect. And it's all counted down to this one single moment in history. I haven't spent a month of my life for nothing. So you're going to let these girls dance for you or… or… or we'll file a complaint to your higher-ups!"

The man looked unfazed by Dib's threat. The only thing he seemed really upset about was the fact that the boy had poked his dirty finger to the ugly purple shirt. "Lisa," He said wiping the cloth tenderly, "call security."

Several guards materialized from the doors instantly. Dib's heart sank lower than any submarine on Earth. From the expressions on the other teammates, they were all feeling pretty similar.

Then a voice as if sent from heaven called out, "Wait a minute."

Everyone turned to see a brawny man dressed finely in a black suit and tie walking towards them from another door. He held the look of authority as he strutted towards the director who shrank back and looked something like that of a shrimp in comparison.

"M—Mr. Wayne." Everyone in the room at once straitened, especially the hula team. After all, it was this man who was the entire reason they were there. "H—you're back early from your trip." The director stammered. His pompous disposition had deflated dramatically at the sight of the boss of all his bosses. "We—ah—we weren't expecting you to be back so soon."

"Mr. Mineo," Mr. Wayne said brushing over the man's greeting. He looked like he was about to beat him up with his words. "Didn't I say I wanted hula dancers for this party?"

"Well… yes sir but—"

"So why are you sending our dancers away? I want this party to be a Tiki Luau theme and I specifically asked for professional hula dancers."

"Well… yes. But you see, sir, I was only acting in the interests to the company. I want to do my best to make sure this program is the most excellent and most authentic we have to offer. I was merely looking to make sure we fit that quota."

"These kids have worked nonstop to meet our demands." Mr. Wayne began with smooth syrup added to his tone. Mr. Mineo seemed to fear that tone of voice more than if his boss were angry with him. "It would be close to racist to turn them back merely because their skin color dose not fit our requirements."

"Well… yes. I suppose it would be, wouldn't it?"

"Most definitely. Make sure their ready for Saturday." He started to turn from the little man but stopped when he read his much-too-relieved expression. "And Mineo, call Deborah Sulivizt and have her come by. I think you'll be more help as an assistant for our hula dancers."

_Ouch_! Dib sniggered inwardly, glancing up at the demoted man. He looked as if he'd been slapped. _Well he deserved it. _After all the hard work they'd put in and he would've sent them away without even watching them first. The group watched Mr. Wayne go, lost in complete awe for his rescue.

* * *

"Okay girls, break time." Moses announced once they'd finished practicing for that afternoon. It was only a small sixty degrees in the large ballroom and yet they were sweating. Dib had their waters obediently ready for them.

"Thank you, Dib." Elena said sweetly. Dib tried to turn from her but she stepped in his vision to keep his attention. "I really thought it was great of how you stood up to that jerk from before, Dib. It was like seeing a knight fighting for his princesses."

His eyes were wide and he stepped away quickly. "Um… okay. Thanks—I guess." He swiveled around to grab the rest of the water bottles. "Better get the other girls their drinks. Need to stay hydrated, huh?"

He was saved when Lilo appeared behind Elena. He thrust a drink to her, which earned him a sour look from the blond girl. Her nose turned up and she marched away, sulking.

Lilo accepted the bottle and sipped hungrily. "How'd we do?" She asked the boy.

"Same as always." Dib pronounced. "Perfect."

"Good. How's Puka doing? Is he behaving?"

Dib jerked his thumb behind them to Stitch who was busy leaning up against a wall as he counted in Tantalog just as Puka darted behind a pile of chairs. "They've been playing together this whole time. Stitch really adores him."

Lilo watched the two of them. Stitch pretended he was having an incredibly difficult time finding the little baby. "Lilo, Dib, seen Puka? Meega can't find anywhere." Puka giggled in a squeaky little chirp and poked his head out to watch Stitch struggle.

Lilo and Dib both shook their heads. "We haven't seen him." Lilo emphasized shrugging her hands up. "Did you check the tables?"

"Nagga under tables."

"How about the rafters?"

"Definitely nagga rafters."

"Well how about the chairs?"

"Hmm. Meega haven't tried chairs." Stitch announced tapping his claws to his chin thoughtfully. "He naga under there. Could he?"

"No I guess not. How about the water bottles?" Stitch came over and lifted the bottles up one at a time, checking carefully for the little baby who was obviously not under any of them. Puka must've gotten impatient for Stitch to find him because he crept carefully from out of his hiding place and skittered behind Stitch. Despite the fact that the blue dog had seen him doing this he pretended quite well that he hadn't seen the creature do anything.

"HERE!" Puka squeeled throwing his arms up and jumping in front of Stitch. The blue alien caught him and tumbled to the ground giggling with the hairy baby. Dib and Lilo both laughed at the affection. Stitch got into position to count again and Puka went racing away to hide in the same spot as before.

"Stitch will be a great father someday." Lilo announced quietly, watching them. Dib looked at her. There was something in her tone when she said that, it was the slightest bit of resentment. Dib wondered what was wrong.

"Do you think Stitch and Angel will get married?"

"I'm not sure. The experiments don't really do it formally. Mostly they're just together and that's that. But I'm sure Angel will want to have a ceremony at least—just to make it official."

"Unusual animals." Dib and Lilo turned when the new voice interrupted. Mr. Wayne stood directly behind them studying the two strange creatures playing like little kids. His look was one of interest instead of disgust as most people reacted to such beings. Lilo nearly panicked. _How long had he been standing there? Had he been listening very long?_

"Mr. Wayne." Lilo said jumping to face him. "Ah—um… hi. W-were you standing there for very long?" Lilo prayed he'd only just arrived. They hadn't heard a sound as he'd approached. For as bulky as he was with all that muscle, the man had stealth that was for sure.

"I was curious to see such a rare breed of animals and came to investigate." He answered coolly. He had a laid back business-like composure but didn't seem too overly charismatic like some corporate men she knew. He seemed more like an undercover CIA agent like her friend Cobra Bubbles. It was still too early to exactly form an opinion of him, though. "He's your dog correct?"

"Yes. But he's a lot smarter than regular dogs." She glanced back to him who was still leaning up against the wall with his eyes shut and counting down in Tantalog.

"Very smart apparently." Mr. Wayne noted shrewdly. "And what is the other one."

"A earless hair-eating gerbil from Utah." Dib answered quickly. Mr. Wayne looked down at the boy, an eyebrow raise in disbelief.

"My family is really into extraordinarily rare animals." Lilo explained. "We have lots of pets no one's really ever heard about before. It's sort of our thing. My uncle is a scientist and he does a lot of cloning and genetic experiments; sensory enhancing, stuff like that."

He looked suspiciously at Stitch once more. Lilo didn't like it. Most people were frightened of Stitch but once they got to know him they were able to like him. This look was one that seemed to say the man knew better than most people what her friend probably was. "What breed is your dog?"

"He's an Ectoplasmic Detection dog from Egypt." His eyebrow was raised to her in a clear look of disbelief and he seemed to smile comically. So Lilo went on to explain. "They were used as communicators for pharos back in ancient days. It was said that those dogs could be used as messengers with their ancestors in the underworld. These dogs were bread very carefully which gave them certain innate abilities that was supposed to grant them _special_ powers. The Egyptians used them for important jobs such as bodyguards to their most treasured possessions. It was said for a time that these dogs were gods in physical bodies."

"They sound very important to their culture," Mr. Drake said seeing through her lie, "But I've never heard of such things."

"That's what my uncle thought when he first discovered their remains in an ancient tomb." She would need to be very crafty for this tale. This man was obviously not as easily fooled as Dr. Membrane was. "He used to do lots of traveling as a younger man. During one of his explorations in Egypt, he stumbled upon an old burial ground for these great hounds of heroes. Apparently something had happened in ancient times, something horrible that the Egyptians and all other people of the earth didn't want to remember. The hieroglyphics that would've explained the incredible imprisonment and tabooed corpses of these canines were all but destroyed. My uncle was able to distinguish just a fragment of what was written on the walls.

"From what he could summarize, Ectoplasmic Detection dogs had been the cause of a great catastrophe that resulted in the destruction of one of the greatest civilizations known to earth; the lost island of Atlantis. Curious for what it was that the Egyptians were so desperate to hide, my uncle was able to clone one of them from the genes of a pug. There comes Stitch in all this."

"So what was it that made them so bad?"

"We're not quite sure to be fully honest." She looked back to her friend who hadn't noticed a thing and was busy enough with finding Puka once again. Dib smiled knowingly, folding his arms behind his back with smug contentment. Oh she was brilliant. If only he could spin a convincing story like that.

"So why hasn't your uncle posted anything about it? I'm sure with such an incredible discovery, he'd be able to get all kinds of standing and prestige. Scientists all over the world would want to know more about his research."

"Well you see, sir, my uncle is very modest about his work." Dib stifled a snicker, covering his mouth and disguising it as a sneeze. Lilo glared at him but continued. "He doesn't like people taking his discoveries and turning it into second-class rate findings."

"I see…"

"Mr. Wayne…" Lilo and Dib stifled a groan. Of course the other girls would notice them talking with the big man himself. Myrtle was ahead of the crowd and the girls pushed the two friends aside to speak with the man who'd called their team to dance. "Hello, I'm Myrtle Edmunds. My mom is a real-estate agent. Perhaps you've heard of Patricia Carry Edmunds? She can get you a great house if you're looking for a getaway vacation in Kauai."

"No thank you. I already have a real-estate agent—several in fact. And I've already got a house on one of the other islands which I visit every summer."

Myrtle was stunned to silence by the quick refusal. Lilo and Dib shared a smile at her affront and the look on her face when she was quickly shoved aside by her lackeys.

"Thank you much for funding this trip for us, sir." Teresa piped up. "We've been looking forward to this for a whole month."

"We've worked really hard." Added Alika.

"Well I'm glad of that." Mr. Wayne announced inching away from the excited girls. "I hope you have fun during your stay. Don't work too hard. Now if you'll excuse me for a minute." He moved to walk away but turned and addressed Lilo and Dib. "If you two are available later today, I'd like to discuss a little more about your uncle and the other research he does. Perhaps he would be interested in a job."

"Oh I'm sorry, sir." Lilo waved her hand in sudden rebuff. "But I think there's been a slight misunderstanding. I'm afraid my uncle won't be looking for any other jobs. He's very happy for where he is right now. He's just accepted a position for Dr. Membrane."

"Well if you change your mind. Here's my card. I'd be very interested to here of his findings."

Lilo accepted it and stared at the expensive paper. He strode swiftly away before anyone else was able to thank him. Lilo ignored the outraged looks from the rest of the girls as she gave it to Dib who pocketed it in his black coat. They shared an uneasy glace. They knew there was no way they would be calling him.

* * *

_**VACATION ALL I EVER WANTED! VACATION GOT TO GET AWAY!**_

**YES! Christmas break is here and that means I will be able to post a lot more often. As soon as the new semester comes around, you'll be hearing a lot more about this story. I'm really excited for this one. It'll have plenty of danger and excitement… hopefully. **

**I want to give a special thanks to nightmaster000 for sticking with my stories and reviewing them whenever I put in a new one. Thanks so much. **

**P.S. You asked me what version of the Joker I plan on using in this story. Well it's rated PG so probably the one from the animated series. The guy from the Joker Returns is kinda graphic since there's some torturing and bloody killings in there. It will DEFINITELY not have the guy from the Dark Knight. Heeth Leger would just be **_**way**_** too much for Lilo, Dib, and Stitch to handle. Plus he's much too graphic for this fanfic. **

**Scene I made to interpret however way you want:  
****Stitch hissed at the multicolored face in front of him. Joker smiled manically. He relished in the creature's defeated rescue. **_**"You've changed things… forever... there's no going back now. See to them… you're just a freak… Like me!"**_


	4. Hello Mr Joker

Chapter 4  
Hello Mr. Joker

"Two whole days have gone by and we haven't seen Batman once." Dib complained to the two others. They were seated in the van driven by Mr. Drake. Today the team was being treated for their diligent work and had been invited to a tour of an art museum. The other girls seemed to be surprisingly excited about this trip. The three others couldn't quite say the same.

"What's so exciting about an art museum?" Lilo had mumbled to her friends. Dib had to agree. There wasn't anything particularly thrilling about seeing lame pieces of trashy artwork. Most of it would probably be abstract stuff or naked impromptu. Distantly, he wondered if an art museum would really be appropriate to take a bunch of children to. Now that he thought about it, a space or a museum of natural history would most likely be better than an art one. People always had different tastes in art and oftentimes it tended to be quite questionable.

What was worse was that Elena would be tagging close to Dib like a tick on a bear butt. He was looking forward to this trip about as much as one looked forward to brain surgery.

The night before he had gone out with Lilo and Stitch in search of the famed vampire they were seeking. They'd planned everything so carefully. Using the shrinking machine that they'd borrowed from Jumba, Lilo had been successful in packing the old hovercraft they used when they were little. They'd had to redo the paintjob a little because the candy-apple red was just too noticeable in a dark city like this. Now it was a stunning galaxy-black with red lightning streaks cutting the sides. It was much more easy to control than the dune buggy they'd used to capture the experiments, plus the thing was as silent as a breath of wind.

Once they'd safely stolen away to the top of the hotel, Lilo whipped out the size-o-mater and enlarged it to fit all three of its passengers. She had to flip a coin with Dib to see who would drive and was pleased when the penny landed staunchly on heads for her.

"Awe man. Well then I'm driving it on the way back."

Dressed slyly in black attire while creeping along the buildings of the city, they felt like ninjas and secret agents. Dib was proud to where his black coat and boots once again. He'd missed them in the heat of Hawaii. He hadn't even realized how much he liked the chill of night until he came back to the mainland. Lilo couldn't quite say the same though.

The night breeze blew through her sorely and she shivered to think of the comfort of Hawaii weather once more. Stitch sat close to her in the hovercraft, trying to keep her warm with his thick blue fur.

Cameras in hand, they sailed through the air as no more conspicuous than a large bird. They swept the city twice and found nothing. Not so much as a sign of the big black bat. Around two in the morning they at last had to give up and return to the hotel. Lilo snuggled in between her two best friends on the way back. Resting her head wearily on Dib's shoulder, she finally nodded off to sleep.

In the van, Dib glanced at her with the memory of such intimacy and wondered if she even realized what she was doing at the occasion. She looked over to him and smiled. Perhaps she hadn't. She _was_ pretty tired by that time. Stitch nearly had to carry her to their room again.

Now she sat by the other window with Stitch to separate them. Puka lay in her arms, guzzling on a bottle of watered-down hair conditioner as if it were baby formula. He'd slept quietly in Lilo's backpack as they were hunting for bats last night and now he was up and wanting to play.

"Maybe we can go to a park later on." Dib suggested. That was sure to relieve some of that pent-up energy. And truthfully, he would much rather spend the day at a park than a dumb art museum.

The museum was just as he'd expected… boring! If Elena would just stop shadowing him he might've had a nicer time—if possible. She'd zoomed in between him and lilo the moment the were out of the van and grabbed his arm dragging him away from his friends. He didn't want to hurt her feelings and brush her off like some parasite (no one would blame him if he had), but he really wanted to spend the time with Lilo. Instead he had to endure the tour with Elena gripping him with a force that could've amputated his arm.

"Ooh, what do you think of that painting, Dib." She pointed to an abstract. "The artist really knew what he was doing when he made it." Dib thought it looked like someone had just splattered pain on a white wall. They went through several more pieces before he found his chance to escape. Elena let go of him just long enough for Dib to retreat back to the girl and blue dog.

Lilo couldn't help but tease him a little. "What? Didn't you enjoy little Elena's company? I know she sure enjoys yours."

He simmered, blushing slightly. He'd get Elena back for this someday. "Oh be quiet!" Stitch and Puka giggled behind her. Lilo put her hand in the crook of Dib's shoulder, not enough to hurt but just so to make the gesture seem strange. He let her keep it there. She grabbed Stitch's hand and the group enjoyed the tour with their own remarks to add to the pieces.

"What do you think it looks like?"

"A zombie."

"A ghost."

"Ice cream statue."

They looked at other works, sometimes making fun of them:

"Is it just me, or does that girl look like she's constipated."

"Look, look this one is called Pants on Fence. And this is Needles Glued to Book."

"You call this art? It looks like someone just stuck a crucifix in a jar of lemonade."

"That's not lemonade, Dib."

Sometimes imitating them:

"Look Stitch is the new Mr. Thinker."

"Great imitation of the Scream, Dib."

"Ooh, ooh… Mona Lilo."

And sometimes just flat out laughing at them for no apparent reason:

"Oh my—what is that?"

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

"Hee, hee, hee!"

The other girls looked at them with disapproving eyes, but it hardly mattered in the slightest. They were having fun and nothing those girls said would make them feel bad about it. They were almost disappointed when Moses herded them out to escape the curious glances cast from other guests. They stopped for a bite to eat at a sandwich shop and even managed a trip to a park later that day.

Stitch was happy for the chance to run around a bit. He played with Puka as Lilo and Dib climbed in some trees. They discussed preparations for that night. They'd try hanging around the banks and jewelry stores for the most part. If bad guys were preying around, then they'd target the places with the most cash on hand. Then Batman would swoop in and begin the feeding like the superhero vampire he was.

"I have a good feeling about tonight." Lilo announced swinging on a branch. "We'll definitely see him. I just know it."

At that moment Puka screamed high and squeaking. He rushed out of Stitch's grasp as if he thought he would attack him. Stitch stared back in horror as the hairball darted into the busy traffic.

"PUKA!"

They ran after him, discounting the moving cars and busses. There was no time to look both ways the baby was getting further and further away. Horns blew, tires screeched, and people screamed at them to "GET OUT OF THE WAY!"

Dib caught Lilo's hand and held her back just as a semi zoomed passed, narrowly missing her. If he hadn't, there would be an awful mess where she would've stood. Stitch ran ahead of them trying to catch the baby before he hurt himself. He snatched him up as he was running down the ally but the thing only screamed louder and wiggled out of his claws. Stitch was beside himself for what he should do. The other two reached him just as Puka darted into a scary looking warehouse.

Lilo saw a big painted clown smiling down on her. The words "JOLLY'S CANDY" was written in faded circus letters. She shivered at the sight of the too cheery expression. She hated clowns. She still had nightmares of the time Spooky scared her on Halloween.

She hesitated for the briefest moment but started again when realized the problem at hand. She had to put aside her fear for the moment. A precious baby was in danger and they needed to find him at whatever the cost.

"Are you alright?" Dib consoled, noticing her hesitation.

"Yes. I just don't like clowns."

"You can say that again." He lifted a wire fence for her as she crawled through. "They're creepy with those happy grins they have all the time."

They entered the building through a hole in the wall. The entire interior looked like it would crumble if you leaned against the wrong plank of wood. Water dripped from several holes in the wall and Lilo shivered in her red dress. She wished she had a sweater. But at least she was wearing sneakers. Her usual flip-flops would've shredded against the horrible amount of broken glass on the ground. She dearly hoped Puka hadn't been cut on any of it when he ran through. She looked up into the rafters of the ex-factory and groaned. It would take them hours to look through a building this size for him. She didn't like the idea of separating, but feared there was no other choice; Puka was getting farther and farther away from them.

"Okay, we'll have to split up to find him." She whispered to the others. This place was so forbidding, it made her speak low so as not to attract the wrong things. "If you find him, call the other two on the wrist communicators. Let's set them all to vibrate."

They did so and went their separate ways.

Lilo crept through the rubble as quietly as her skills would allow. It was annoying to try and avoid the numerous shards of broken glass and the puddles that wished to soak her socks. For as careful as she was trying to be, she ended up making an awful lot of racket.

"Puka! Puka, where are you!" She called as loudly as she dared. Her eyes zoomed in on a brown tuff of fur darting across to a stack of giant colorful blocks. "Puka! Come back here!"

She found him curled in a corner behind the cubes, doing his best to stay as far away from her as the tight squeeze would allow.

"Puka, don't be scared. It's just me, Lilo. You remember Lilo, don't you?" She reached for him but he drew away whimpering. He was afraid of her but she couldn't understand why. She would need to try a different approach. Reaching into the bag, swung over her shoulder, she withdrew some lochs of bright orange hair. "Here, Puka. Strawberry blond—your favorite." Puka's guard lifted slightly. He came forward cautiously, sniffing the strands hungrily. He took a nibble. Lilo resisted the urge to snatch him up the moment he was within range. It would only frighten him worse. She held her palm out, allowing him to come to her on his own. After what felt like hours of this, he settled close enough. She stroked him tenderly before scooping him up and holding him to her chest.

Somehow she couldn't resist scolding him. "What were you thinking running away like that? Stitch wasn't going to hurt you. You should feel ashamed that…you…" Lilo trailed off becoming suddenly tense when she felt the shadow of another presence descend upon her.

"Well, well, well." Came a smooth yet malicious voice behind her. "Who do we have here?"

Lilo turned slowly, holding the precious offspring of the experiment close to her chest. She looked up to find a slender man dressed handsomely in a purple suit, towering over her. His clown face smiled as he eyed the small person before him.

"Why it's a little girl come to join the party!"

* * *

_**The game begins and thus enters the Joker  
**__**Poor little ace of heart what were you thinking  
**__**Enter into the hand of a thief  
**__**With ace of club and ace of spade by side  
**__**Still not strong enough to win alone**_

_**Fight strong, oh brave ace of club  
**__**Yet all attempt in vain  
**__**Only ace of spade is fit to win  
**__**One to one in fair fight perhaps  
**__**Yet with force unmatched in world of darkness  
**__**The deck of cards is too much to conquer**_

_**But wait, the help is coming  
**__**The king and queen descend now  
**__**The jack will fight the deck of cards  
**__**The queen will fight the spare knave  
**__**The king will engage the joker  
**__**Yet still they will not succeed**_

_**The joker has his tricks in hand  
**__**As well as ace of heart**_


	5. Some Not Too Happy House Guests

Chapter 5  
Some Not-So-Happy House Guests

Dib's wrist communicator vibrated fiercely with a low buzz. Into the rafters of the building Stitch's did the same. Before they had a chance to press anything, the screens turned on automatically at the precise same time. For a heart wrenching moment all they could do was gawp at the sight before breaking out in a panicked run. Lilo was in trouble!

_They shouldn't have split up!_ Lilo didn't even have a weapon. Why hadn't Dib given her one of his ray guns? There was no time to dwell on what he should have done; it was what he had to do now that counted.

A bar collided with him and the next moment he was wondering how he'd ended up on the floor as well as why his chest suddenly hurt. He looked up to a beefy fat man in a stained muscle shirt smiling down on him with a big clown mask. His eyes were dark holes poked through the plastic in the face and all dib could see was a faint shutter behind as they swiveled back and forth. The man seemed like a mountain as he towered over the scrawny boy. A dropkick was aimed at Dib's midsection and he yelped with the delivered dirty move. Rolling into a ball, he attempted to protect the rest of his vital organs before he was booted twice.

"Hey boss," the man called over his shoulder to an unseen person. "I've got another kid here."

"Splendid! The more the merrier!" Dib disliked the cheer in that voice. It sounded evil to him.

The man hauled him up and held him effortlessly with one brawny arm. Dib squirmed. His hands were pinned to their sides and there was no moving them no matter how hard he struggled. The man was like a rock demon! A big… fat… rock demon!

"LEGGO!" Dib wheezed, but of course no one obeyed him. The man was starting to crush him and it was getting hard to breath as well as focus. He zoned in on the room they were in and saw several other similar looking men like the one who held him hostage. They all had stupid painted clown faces. He caught Lilo being gripped tightly on the wrist by a man that must've been the leader. He was lanky, dressed in an old purple suit with a green vest and purple gloves, and had a painted face as well. Wait—no not painted—that _was_ his face. Dib despised his clownish expression more than any of his stooges because unlike their artificial grins, this one was purely genuine… genuine and demonic, like some clown from hell. The thought sent shivers coursing down his spine.

The man dragged Lilo forward with surprising ease. She dug her feet into the ground but it didn't slow him in the least. One arm was held tightly in his clutches and the other was holding desperately to Puka. "Now what do we have here? But a two little love birds out for an evening stroll." He looked up at the man holding Dib. His air was being painfully squeezed out of him. "Brutus, is it really necessary to hold him that tightly? His face is turning purple, although… the color really dose suit him."

"Sorry, boss. I was afraid of him getting away." his grip loosened and air rushed into Dib's lungs. He tested the distance his arms were allowed to go. Now if he could only reach his right pocket…

"Alright! Joke's over!" Dib shouted once he had air. "You better let us go or I'll… I'll…"

"You'll what…" The man looked deeply interested to hear Dib's empty threat. What on earth could one little boy and one little girl do against a whole army of thugs the size of battle tanks? "Do tell, I'm really quite interested to hear this, little man."

Dib seemed to realize that any threat he made was probably as full of as much force as a basket of kittens was. "Ahem… you know I'm not quite sure at the moment," he admitted deflating tremendously, "but as soon as I figure it out I'll let cha know."

"That's what I thought." The happy man smiled. From out of the corner of his eye Lilo rolled her eyes. She didn't seem to be too worried for some reason. Maybe it was because she knew where Stitch was hiding.

"So what'll we do with them, boss?" One the lackeys asked excitedly. "Should we kill em?"

"Hey yeah." Agreed another one. "The brats were trespassing so they should face punishment."

Dib and Lilo exchanged uneasy expressions. _Where was Stitch?_ Things were starting to get ugly and he was the only one who could save them.

"Now, now, boys. Lets not get hasty. These kids are our guests. They obviously didn't know what they were doing," the happy man announced. His grip tightened painfully on Lilo's wrist and his eyes narrowed as he smiled from one child to the other. "So we'll go easy on them. Even if there is no way we can let them leave _alive_ now."

That did it. With that statement, Lilo uttered a single word. "WOOF!"

Out of nowhere a big blue cannonball soared out of the rafters and pummeled the beefy man that held Dib. The boy fell from his grasp and landed in a crouch. Dib brandished a plasma gun the next instant and aimed it at the man holding Lilo.

"Grin at this, jerk!" _Oh that was a cool line!_ He pulled the trigger and a big blob of green radioactive goo shot out of it. The man dodged and it hit a man behind him. Dib aimed again but was distracted when another of the goons came at him swinging a knife. He flipped a handspring to avoid the lethal weapon.

Stitch jumped up from the man he'd landed on and faced the rest of them. All four of his stubby arms were drawn, claws sported threateningly, as well as his back spines and antennae. "ALOHA!"

"WHAT THE-WHAT IS THAT THING?" Shrieked one of the men pointing a horrified finger and the bizarre blue monster.

"Tookibowaba!" Stitch cried as he rolled into the ball again and zoomed around to trip the surprised bad-guys. It gave Lilo just the distraction she needed to stuff Puka in her bag and step angrily on the foot of the man who still gripped her. He yelped and released her. Perfect! It was her chance and she ran to stand by Dib but...

"OW!" Her head snapped back suddenly and her hair screamed in protest as someone pulled it roughly.

"A bit of fight in you!" The happy man purred pulling her far enough so that her feet left the ground momentarily. "I like that!"

"Then you're going to love us." Glass shattered and rained from the ceiling like sharp confetti at a deadly party. A woman and a man fell from the sky like dark angels clad in black leather and wearing masks. The woman was slender with yellow trimming on her uniform and bright red hair, but it was the man who held Dib's attention.

_Oh my gosh! It's him! It's Batman! This is so cool!_

There wasn't time to dwell in the amazement. Their situation was dire and autographs would have to wait till later. He ducked as a woman who'd come out of nowhere threw a punch at him. She was dressed in a red and black harlequin uniform and wore pale face paint and a black mask. If Batman was here, then Dib could only assume this was their greatest adversary—Harley Quinn. And _he_ was fighting her!

_Oh crap!_ There was no way he would beat her!

His doubt unfocused his concentration and she landed a kick in his chest. The force of the move was so strong, it sent him skidding across the floor. He heaved and tried to get the breath back into his lungs. A big fat hand grabbed his throat and hauled him in the air. Dib clawed desperately at the fingers as his vision went blurry. He clutched his gun and fired it at the jerk's chest. It singed an ugly black hole in his shirt and he would suffer from third degree burns and a massive concussion with the short firing range blasted at him.

When Dib had control of his breathing again, he looked and caught the sight before him. Stitch had unfolded out of the ball and was tossing around bad guys as if they were no more than juggling balls. He grabbed a long metal bar and began swatting at them with skills to match a master of martial arts. It looked a little like a star wars light saber duel. The woman (who was obviously Batman's sidekick known as Batgirl) was busy battling Harley Quinn. Dib thought it was kind of strange that the dangerous one was being taken care of by a sidekick and not the big man himself. At the moment, however, Batman was busy trying to fight off the rest of the stooges.

"Hey, kid, are you alright?" Dib looked up to see a boy about the same age as him, leaning over and offering him a hand up. He was dressed in a ridiculous red, green, and yellow outfit with a big white "R" patched on the right breast of his uniform. He wore a black mask similar to the one Harley Quinn wore but he had no face paint nor was he smiling. This must've been Batman's other helper, Robin.

Dib accepted the handout and allowed the boy to haul him to his feet. His back ached where he'd landed on it and there would be an impressive display of bruises all along his chest and throat in the morning. When he'd gotten to his feet, he noticed the boy had a surprisingly similar haircut to Dib's (now that his lightning spike was gone); they were also about the same size as one another. Even they're faces were the same shape as well as skin color. They were quite nearly twins in this instance. All in all, the only difference from them was that one was wearing glasses in the place of a mask.

_Okay now that's just a little creepy!_

Their attention was drawn when the clown man called over his shoulder to the clown woman. "Harley, lets get out of here!" Dib's stomach lurched when he spotted Lilo slung under a purple arm, limp and unconscious. The man was pocketing a hanky and Dib could only guess that he'd drugged her into submission.

Batgirl was distracted for a second and Harley took the opportunity to plant a kick on her side and send her sprawling back like she'd done to Dib.

"Coming, Puddin'!" She sang, happily back flipping to the man who held their friend hostage.

"LILO!" Stitch and Dib cried as one. Stitch threw the man he was fighting with from him and rushed at the creep. A gun was pulled from his coat pocket and a bang echoed through the building. Stitch fell back with the force of the bullet. It wasn't enough to kill him, Dib knew that, but surely even _that_ must've hurt the indestructible experiment sufficiently.

Dib ran at the man, forgetting the vital fact that he was armed. Yet surprisingly the man didn't fire his weapon. Instead he kicked out at a big red button in the wall that Dib _definitely_ hadn't noticed (despite the fact that it was right in front of the boy).

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Explosions erupted on every side of the building. In a single instant the place was consumed in horrible yellow flames. Dib's arms flew in front of him to protect his eyes. The last thing he remembered was a hideous laughter as his world was swallowed in darkness.

* * *

**Okay I know I promised to update alot durring the break. Unfortunately I do have other things that need to be my first priority... like the crapload of homework corroding in my bookbag. **

**GAH! I hate school!**


	6. Colorfully Crazy

Chapter 6  
Colorfully Crazy

Lilo's head throbbed. How long ago had she been drugged? Hours? Maybe mere moments ago? It was impossible to tell. Or maybe it wasn't. What she did know was that she was in a car now—and it was going at a very unsafe speed. Her mind focused and she found herself leaning against the man who'd kidnapped her. One hand held tightly to the nap of her red dress and the other was gripping an awful looking gun. He wasn't paying attention to her at all. All his attention was out the windows beside and behind him as if waiting for some dark spaceship to come out of nowhere and eat them.

Eruptions could be heard behind them and she risked a glance in the back window to see what they were. The candy factory where they'd held their hideout in was caught in a golden, crimson inferno. Lilo gaped. Oh she prayed her friends had gotten out before that thing blew.

The car swerved sharply and nearly took out a produce truck as they made their getaway. Lilo's fingers gripped the fabric of the seat with increasing agitation. A memory flashed in her vision. Nani was leaning over her in the dune buggy, ordering her to _always_ buckle up in a vehicle. With that thought, Lilo searched for a seatbelt. She found one and tightened it till it was nearly uncomfortable.

_Well I'm more uncomfortable with the whole thought of wrecking in this hunk of junk with these crazies._

They weren't being perused after all. With that in mind, the car slowed a bit and the driver resumed to follow the laws of the road, much to Lilo's relief. She spotted the driver and noticed it was the woman from before. Her goofy black and red jester hat was strangely unscathed as well as the rest of her outfit. With the thought of her outfit Lilo suddenly realized who she was.

"Hey! You're Harley Quinn!" Somehow she just couldn't resist pointing out her discovery. The two of them looked at her as if noticing their hostage for the first time. She went on. "Previously known as Doctor Harleen Quinzell, psychiatrist for the insane."

She looked a bit surprised to see that the girl was familiar with both of her identities. "Uh—yeah that's me." Lilo noticed she spoke with a thick Queen's accent.

"You're wanted in thirteen states and one of Batman's greatest adversaries. You're greatest ally is a woman by the alias Poison Ivy whom you've gained an immunity to poisons and toxins from."

"How do you know that?" There was a faint note of pried in her voice to see her reputation proceeded her.

"My friend Dib and I are paranormal researchers. We were looking up things on Batman, cause he's a vampire, and we—"

"Wait a minute," The man said cutting in on their conversation. "You think Batboy is a what?"

"A vampire of course. He's the most famous vampire in the world—well besides Dracula and that Edward guy but he's not really a vampire cuz they don't sparkle."

Harley and the clown man shared an amused look. There was a snicker in the man's voice. "Why would you think he was a vampire?"

"Well it makes sense." She stated matter-of-factly. "Why else would someone dress in an outfit that resembled a bat unless they were a vampire priding in their dark legacy. Also he's only ever seen at night and vampires sleep during the day so that's understandable."

"Well what about his friends? What about them?"

"Well I know Batgirl is a vampire but Robin isn't. No vampire would be caught dead in his outfit. But you know what's weird? You're his greatest rivals—shouldn't you know this already?"

Somehow the two couldn't hold back the building laughter growing inside them. Their heads fell back and they howled with overpowering glee. Lilo was suddenly reminded of the all the times Myrtle's group had laughed at her when she'd been free with her atypical beliefs. She disliked being mocked by these unseemly individuals worse though.

They laughed for ten unpleasant minutes before the man finally wiped away his tears of mirth and patted her condescendingly on the head. "You're cute kid. Really, where did you get your information from?"

"From the Swollen Eyeball Paranormal Research Agents that Dib is—"

The two returned into fits of laughter at the name of the secret society. Lilo scowled. What in the world was wrong with these people? _Psychopaths indeed!_ No normal person would find something like that so amusing.

They calmed after awhile and looked into the raised eyebrow of the little girl in front of them. She cocked her head to the side and pointed up to the clown guy beside her, musing as she spoke. "You know you sorta look like Zim when you laugh like that."

"Who?"

"An adversary of our own. He kidnapped me once but my dog beat him up for it. He laughs like you do. All crazy-like with his eyeballs rolled to the back of his head…" Her eyes went wide and she suffered a brief flashback of their latest alien nemesis, "_like an evil green zombie_."

Her statement earned her more chortles from the man beside her. The woman didn't laugh this time 'cause she seriously had to stay focused on the road. They'd already nearly had several collisions since Lilo started talking.

"You're almost as amusing as the Batjerk is. Got a name kid?"

"Uh… Lilo."

"Lilo…" he waited for a last name.

She smiled respectively. "Just Lilo for the moment." In this situation, she somehow felt it would be more of a mistake to reveal to him her full name. There might be unwelcome repercussions for it later.

"And you are?"

The glee from his laughter seemed to vanish. "Y-you don't know who I am?" He seemed genuinely startled by this. She stared at him blankly and shook her head in answer. He gaped with wide-open disbelief. "You have no idea who _I_ am? But you know _her_!" His finger stabbed in the direction of Harley. Again the little girl shook her head. "STOP THE CAR!"

Tires screeched and Lilo lurched forward. She was instantly grateful for buckling up. Too bad the guy next to her hadn't followed her example. The _unhappy_ man now was flung to the front seat with the force of the sudden halt.

_Well that's what happens when you don't wear your seatbelt,_ Lilo thought smugly.

His legs kicked over the headrest as he struggled to right himself. Lilo caught a glance of green plaid socks and expensive black and white loafers. He sat up with difficulty, though when he mastered it, his dark green hair was disheveled from the carefully groomed greased-back hairdo. He turned back to Lilo his eyes so wide the black eyeliner stroking his eyes nearly disappeared.

"YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD OF ME AT ALL? I'm Batman's greatest foe and you've no idea who I am? I stole from countless banks and jewelry stores. I was the culprit to some of the most maniac crimes in history. I broke out of the nuthouse no less than twelve times and have been hailed to be the prince of pranks, outwitting every other villain in this city and several others, AND YOU DON'T KNOW ME?"

This guy was starting to unnerve her. She needed to figure out this guy's name and she needed to figure it out fast. Lilo groped in her memory. A distant voice spoke to her from his sandy spot on the beach. "A-are y-you… um… the Joker?" she guessed meekly.

"OF COURSE I AM! WHO ELSE WEARS A SUIT LIKE THIS?"

"Oh well… that makes sense." Lilo said enthusiastically, "Now I remember. Of course, you are the Joker. Batman's greatest foe and wanted to be a psychopath. Yes! Now I remember."

"Well good, and don't forget it!"

"Yes sir. I mean… no sir." She smiled innocently ad he turned back. the car started up again and she looked out the window for an awkward moment of silence. A faint squeak came from somewhere. Lilo suddenly remembered something and searched herself. Where was her bag? She unbuckled herself for the briefest moment to look around the back seat franticly. Joker noticed her anxiety.

"What are you doing?"

Lilo didn't answer. She just kept searching. Finally she found it. Her bag, in all the confusion, had been flung to the floor and scooted out of the way. She tore the zipper open and a fuzzy brown head popped out. It yawned big and burped. Lilo took him out and looked into the bag. All of the hair for that trip was gone. "Puka! That was supposed to last!"

"Choota! Mega gobba."

Despite how angry she was at the moment, the big-eyed puppy-dog look the creature gave her ruptured her good judgment and she couldn't help but pity the little baby. "Well, you'll just have to go without for awhile till I can get you some more. You haven't drunken any of the shampoo or conditioner so that should last awhile… I hope."

"Why do you have a rat in my car?" Lilo looked up to find Joker's face glaring down on the strange fuzzy animal in her hands.

"He's not a rat!" She said defensively. "He's an earless hair-eating gerbil from Utah."

"Hence forth, it's a rat! And—did you say it eats hair?"

She nodded and suddenly the man bust into more laughter. "No seriously _what_ does it eat?"

"Hair. Just like I said."

His eyebrow raised and he looked like he was fed up with her joke. "Okay really what—"

"He. Eats. Hair. Sir."

There was a pause as the clown couple looked at her unblinking gaze.

Then Harley snickered, "I've never heard of such a thing. What kind of animal eats hair?"

"The earless hair-eating gerbil from Utah eats hair. That's what kind of animal."

"O—kay. Kid, you're crazy."

"Like you're really one to talk." Lilo blurted before she could stop herself.

Joker looked back to her smiling in a really creepy way. "Indeed. You'll fit in juuuuuuuuuust fine."

Lilo shrank in the seat cushions, going very pale at the look her sent her. She didn't like clowns much and this guy certainly wasn't helping her change her mind any time soon. Lilo didn't say anything for a very long time. Then she realized something. "Hey, now that my hostage services are over with, do you think you could pull up on the corner and let me out?"

Joker looked back at her in the mirror. His tone was of fake worry as he voiced his concern. "Oh I don't know. A helpless little girl, such as yourself, in a big dangerous town like this? I don't think so, kid."

"I won't be helpless." She answered indignantly. She fingered the wrist communicator on her left hand. They must've thought it was merely a watch. That's probably why they hadn't confiscated it. If all goes well she might not even have to use it. But if not, then they'll take her to their base and she can call her friends and they can track Lilo's signal and come and get her. "I can just call my dog on a payphone and he can come and get me."

"Your dog answers phones?"

"Well… he's very smart. And he—"

"Way da minute," Harley said cutting in. "Was that the blue freaky thing with the four arms and the spikes and feelers that was flyin' all around and hittin' our boyz back there's?"

"Uh…" Her hesitation was just as bad as flat out say that yes, her dog was some weird creature from beyond the stars enhanced with supernatural abilities that helped him fight bad guys.

"That was no dog, was it kid?"

"Of course he is. He's just a little… _different_. You see," and here she was explaining to these crazies of how her uncle did genetic experiments on _supposedly_ endangered and extinct animals. She tried not to make the experiments sound too wonderful to be true in case these guys got ideas. She referenced a lot of Jumba's _failed_ or _useless _experiments like Zawp, a creature that's suppose to annoy people with it's constant snoring. "Most of them are specifically for kicks and giggles, like Slob (cause he eats like a slob). Or Puka here, though he has more use cause his mom makes cool hairdos. Uncle Jumba very rarely comes up with anything useful. I mean, very few people have heard of his work so it's not all that popular… or that practical." Her lie was pretty good but somehow they weren't as gullible as she'd hoped.

"Looked more like some space alien ta me." Harley said.

"Oh… well… that's just 'cause Uncle Jumba… likes aliens. Yup, he and Dib do a lot of paranormal stuff together. Though it's mostly communicating with life beyond the stars for Jumba. Ghosts and vampire bunnies freak him out. And he wanted Stitch to resemble something sort of like a… blue cockroach monster from… uh—Venus."

"Uh huh."

"Yup, so can you pull over? I have somewhere I need to be right now."

"Oh I don't think so, kid." Joker said smoothly.

"Um… it's kind of important." She explained hoping they would get the message. She sure hoped this kidnapping thing wouldn't interfere with her hula performance. She'd hate to be the one to ruin their big chance for her whole team.

"Sorry, Lilo." He enunciated her name like a stringed instrument, playing it out with each syllable. "You see, we're a bit uneasy right now. That batjerk hasn't showed his face around yet but it doesn't mean he isn't lurking around somewhere in the shadows. If he finds out we don't have a cute innocent little girl anymore, he won't hesitate to blow us right out of our custom-made rubber underpants. So you'll do us a big favor by staying with us for the moment."

It was suddenly very clear that these people had no intention of letting her go anytime soon. Who knew how long they intended to keep her hostage? The thought gave her… well actually it wasn't as bad as she thought it was. For one thing, she'd been kidnapped plenty of times before by Gantu, Hamsterviel, and recently Zim. Someone always came to rescue her before anything bad could happen. Plus she still had her communicator. She could just call Dib and Stitch. Then all they'd have to do was lock onto her signal and come and pick her up. _Easy-peazy-lemon-squeazy!_

And at least she still had Puka. That was the most important thing. If anything bad happened, he was her first priority. She'd promised Clip that absolutely nothing bad would happen to him. From this moment on she would protect the baby with her life.

* * *

The little girl had fallen asleep about an hour ago. She'd fought it for a while, but exhaustion at last won out. Her head slummped to the side of the window with her hair-eating rat thing curled in her lap. The sight was quite adorable.

Joker looked over to his Harley who was busy concentrating on the road at the moment. She stole a glance in the rearview mirror to look back at the awfully quiet little kid.

"Awe isn't that cute." She whispered sweetly. "Looks like the kid is all tukered out."

Joker smirked, nodding slightly. He looked back to see the scene himself and had a sudden inspiration.

"You know, Harley, that kid has reminded me of something. We've bee doing this whole crime and punishment for years now and I've been thinking." He said just a bit to happily. Sometimes his charisma was enough to creep his girlfriend out. "It's been great running around town getting into all those fine games with Batman and everything. It's all been a real treat. But you've got to admit, none of us are getting any younger and maybe it's time that we settled down and started a family of our own."

Harley turned to him, her eyes sparkling. All her attention was turned to her sweetheart and it seemed as though the road had completely disappeared for one frightful moment. "Y-ya mean it?"

"Eyes on the road please. But yes I think it is finally time. What are your feelings on the matter?"

"I've been waitin` for ya ta say sometin like that for a long time, puddin`!"

Joker grinned bigger looking out the window. "But instead of going through the joys of childbirth, what would you say to adoption?"

"Oh I'm not sure." Harley tapped her chin thoughtfully gazing up at the streetlights. "There's something magical about having your own kids. Although stretch marks are a real pain and the birth in and of itself would be excruciating. Then again, kids are kids either way, aren't they?"

"My feelings exactly. And babies don't exactly thrill me either. Iwas thinking of an older kid."

"But you know, pudding`," Harley started dismally, "No agency in the world is going to trust us with children."

"Good thing we've already found ours." He gestured to the back where Lilo was sleeping. Joker winked. "I think she'll be a great little Harley Junior, don't you think, sweet pea? I know she'll need a bit of molding before she's ready but I think she'll come to like calling you 'Mom'."

Harley blushed, beaming at her boyfriend. "She's sweet, but we don't know a whole lot about her besides the fact that she has a freakish blue dog thing."

Joker looked back again and caught sight of the yellow shoulder bag Lilo used to put her pet in. He grabbed it ad rooted around inside. Perhaps there would be something to tell them a little more about te kid they'd abducted. His fingers tossed around several bottles of shampoo and conditioner. He wondered vaguely if they were all for the gerbil from Utah. _Did it eat this stuff?_ That was really strange... though not as strange as the Joker. His eyes zoomed in on an orange wallet with a pink flower pattern on it. Two key chains dangled from one of the zippers. One was a surfboard with an orchid on it and the other one was a… a shrunken head! A shriveled up gaunt head that was no bigger than his thumb. _Had Lilo voluntarily put that thing on there?_ Somehow, for as sweet as she seemed, Joker wouldn't put it passed the girl to display something like this. It was almost comical.

He snatched the wallet up and rooted shamelessly through it. There were seven dollars in it, two business cards (one for Bruce Wayne and the other for a man from the Social Agency called Cobra Bubbles), a gift card for Kiki's Coffee, and three photos.

The first photograph was charred and had obviously been through a lot. It was of a family outing years ago. Joker recognized Lilo as the little girl sitting on a looming palm tree. She couldn't be much over five years old. There was a youthful teenager sitting on the sand smiling up at her. He assumed it must've been an older sister. There were two other people who must've been her parents; a woman who bore a striking resemblance to the girl in the sand and a man with sunglasses playing an ukilele. They all looked happy.

The second was probably the most recently taken one of them. Joker recognized the boy from before as well as the blue creature Lilo had said was her dog. She leaned against the boy's back trying to look cool and mischievous as she cocked a colorful looking weapon that appeared to be a water gun. The boy held two smaller ones of his own, displaying them like some secret agent. The blue dog thing had one as well and pointed it threateningly at the camera, grinning manically. The trio seemed to be trying to pull off the appearance of a special force spy team. They almost pulled it off, if of course their weapons didn't resemble something like colorful toys and they weren't wearing ridiculous Hawaiian clothes.

It was the last picture that made Joker's eyes bulge nearly out of his head. There was Lilo and her dog again as well as her older sister from the first picture. Beside her was a man the same age who looked to be a brother or maybe a boy friend. Beside Lilo was another little girl with gigantic blue glasses and a bushy mop of red hair. And that was pretty much the only normal things about the picture. The rest should've been left in science fiction because it was too insane to be real.

Hundreds of colorful _creatures_ crowded what looked to be a blue beach house. It was hard to tell because there were so many of them and they cluttered up the limited space in the photograph. There were yellow ones, blue ones, purple ones, some with wings, some with oddly shaped heads, some with big eyes, some without eyes all together, some with tails, some without, and he even spotted one that looked like a giant weed with fangs. He stared at it, thinking that maybe the photo was a fake. He could see no forgeries in the creatures. It was real!

Harley caught the look on his face and craned her neck to see what he was staring at. "What is it, puddin'?"

"Look." He held the photo out and she gawked at it with the same stunned expression Joker had.

"What the-! Are they aliens?"

"What makes you think I know?"

"I dunno. Could they be those animals the kid was talkin' about?"

"I can't say." He pocketed the photos in his jacket and rooted around some more in the bag. "We'll get more out of the kid when we get to our new hide out."

"Where to this time?"

"I dunno. The last place the bat will think to look." His fingers touched a metal box and he withdrew a shiny new video camera. "Ooh, now we're getting somewhere." There was definitely going to be something on here that would explain things a little better.

* * *

**Here's another chapter. **

**Joker's pretty creepy, huh? I got this idea from the Joker Returns movie which is sort of the prequel to Batman Beyond. It's based on the consept that the Joker kidnaps Robin and tortures him into insanity. He then turns him into a younger replica of himself calling him Little J or Junior.**

**I'm not planning on letting any torturing of innocent little Hawaiian girls happen in this story. Maybe imprisonment but no tourturing. i'm trying to kee this is PG rated.**


	7. Team Up

Chapter 7  
Team Up

Dib lied still and breathing regularly in a bed injected with IVs and surrounded by screens that measured his heart and blood pressure. He was still unconscious, but after a moment it appeared he was coming around. Stitch leaned over his fallen friend and poked him carefully on the head. His eyes flickered open and he jumped when he caught sight of the big blue nose pointed in his face.

"Dib okay?" Stitch asked the first second the boy was awake.

He sat up carefully, testing the damage made on him. There was a nasty bump on his head, he had a decorative assortment of bruises everywhere, some cuts on his arms, and there were a few burns, but other than that he was all right… sort of. His arms were bandaged up where they'd been burned and cut. He could feel cleansing salve under the linen.

"How are you?" Dib asked holding his ribs where he'd been kicked the most. There was an ugly purple dot on Stitch's forehead from where the bullet had collided with his skull. It was a bit tender when he pressed on it but other than that, it didn't hurt him much.

"Stitch fine. Stitch fluffy!"

"That bullet must've hurt. Are you okay?"

"Ih. Stitch indestructible. Dib not so much."

"You can say that again. That Harley Quinn has one nasty kick to her. Hey," he suddenly realized where they were. He looked up into a big dark cavern. There was advanced computer equipment and chemistry set off to the side, as well as an impressive assortment of gadgets and weapons gathered on a metal table. There was also a cool flashy black vehicle that Dib recognized as the Batmobile. In the distance he could hear the faint screeches of leather-winged animals.

"Holly alien space craft." Dib sputtered in a high-pitched wheeze, "We're in Batman's lair aren't we?"

"Ih. Very cool."

"Where is he now? Or wait…" He looked around franticly. "Where's Lilo?"

"She's being held hostage by two complete psychopaths."

Dib turned to see a man the size of a refrigerator. He was dressed in custom black material that was stronger and lighter than leather. His costume blended in perfectly with the shadows and it was amazing to see how silently the man moved in the dark. His eyes were nothing but narrowed white holes and he looked very unhappy.

"Batman, you're…"

"Here? Yes." He strode over to stand directly by Dib's bed. _Man that guy was like a building_, Stitch thought craning his neck to stare up at him. "What the hell were you kids doing in there?"

Dib stared. From the look on his face Stitch assumed he'd never heard anyone speak to him like that. It was a mixture of anger, worry, and disappointment.

"Well," Dib started timidly, "our pet ran off and we were…"

"So you decided to wonder into a clearly marked Joker territory." His voice was rightfully furious. They _had_ gone in there recklessly and should've at least waited to make a plan of escape if the worse should arise. Yet even still Stitch felt the man was being too hard on his friend. "You nearly died today, kid. What were you thinking running at the Joker like that who had a gun?"

Dib's face turned down in shame. Stitch didn't like the guilt the man was placing on the boy's shoulders. He growled low, bearing his teeth angrily at him, telling him wordlessly to back off!

Batman stared at the growling creature and recoiled somewhat. He must've realized he was being too hard on the kid. After all, it wasn't his entire fault. They'd all gone in there together and hadn't stopped once to think of the possible consequences. If anyone was to blame, it should've been Stitch. He should've sensed the danger when they first approached the building. His mind was so focused on finding Puka as quickly as they could, he'd forgotten to scan the area for possible threats. And now Lilo was gone and they didn't even know if she was alright. Stitch wouldn't dare contacted her on their wrist communicators. In the likelihood that it could get her in serious trouble, he couldn't risk alerting the enemies of her secret receiver. He would just have to wait for her to contact them herself. They couldn't even track her until she turned the thing on.

"I guess I can't be too mad at you, since you're obviously not from around here. If you were from Gothem you'd have more sense.

Dib flung his blankets off him and jumped out of the bed. "How are we going to find Lilo?"

"First of all," Batman said, pointing back into the bed. "Me and my guys will find your friend. You're not going anywhere in the state you're in."

"Hey I'm perfectly alright. I do stuff like this all the time." One of Batman's eyes grew wide while the other narrowed slightly. Dib threw his arms out indifferently. "What?"

"The answers still the same. We're taking you down to the station so that you can call your coach and he can come and get you, Dib."

"Look, man, I—hey, how'd you know my name? And how do you know I'm here with my coach?" Batman pointed to Stitch who held a tell-all look on his face. "Oh. Well that makes sense." Of course Stitch would explain everything to him while Dib was unconscious. How else would the man know to trust them?

It had been a bit difficult to put everything Stitch wanted to say into words. English was such a difficult language to commute in. All those vowels and blasted grammatical signs he needed to watch out for. He spoke mostly in single syllables trying to explain to them in as few words as he could. It was difficult but the superhero trio seemed to understand him well enough.

Once they'd escaped from the hellfire, they'd waited on a nearby roof as Batgirl (who appeared to be some sort of medical specialist) looked Dib over for further injuries. Stitch waited to make sure his friend would be okay before he took the time to explain things. He'd been careful not to reveal too much to them. They seemed to understand well enough that he was much different than your average canine. In fact with his extra arms, antennae, and back spines, he looked more like some buggy, blue insect. The whole concept that he was a scientifically altered creature, enhanced with supernatural abilities that caused him to engage in intelligent battle, didn't seem to bother them too much. They must've dealt with stuff like this all the time. That's probably why they hadn't acted afraid or suspicious like most people did.

True, the younger two seemed to look uneasy at the sight of such a quirky critter, but they seemed to get their cue from Batman. If he didn't shrink away from the thing, neither would they. It gave Stitch an uncommon, but not unpleasant, feeling of acceptance. He smiled slightly when the big man spoke to him like an equal.

Stitch answered most of their questions as best he could. He explained their reasoning for entering the off limits building. He told them in his nasally voice that, "Puka ran away in there. We try to get Puka back. We split up to find faster. _Bad idea!_ Lilo get in trouble. We try to help. Not as easy as thought. Now bad guys get away with Lilo."

They asked him what he was. Stitch didn't feel it was an unreasonable question and tried to clarify without reveling too much about their _classified_ life on Kauai. "Stitch is dog but is different from regular ones. Stitch is experiment. Stitch is better than other dogs." He wasn't trying to sound conceited, it was just a fact. No other dog in the world could climb walls, see in the dark, think faster than a super computer, handle a katana with masterful ease, lift 3,000 times his own weight, and pick his nose with his tongue.

They'd asked other things such as if there were others of him and what sort of mad science could genetically altar a creature so dramatically. He'd shook his head over and over again saying, "Eh, cannot say. Is classified. Not relevant to problem. Sorry."

They'd left it at that but Stitch knew they would try getting information some other way. He eyed Batman's cool car and assumed they must've had their own brand of special technology. _Oh well. Let them try._ Their gizmos might've been advanced in Earth sense but where alien technology was concerned, they were little more than toys. They would hack into all the likely hits around the world but wouldn't get far. All the information on the other cousins was locked safely into Jumba's own private computer system. Only superior computer programming would be able to breach the heavy amount of firewalls guarding the data stream.

"Batman," they turned to see Batgirl and Robin running to them from a further end of the Batcave. "We're ready to go. The cruiser's all geared up and we can take him to the station. Gordon will know what to do with him."

Batman took Dib's arm and steered him to the black vehicle that looked so much like a space ship. "Time to go."

"Wait!" he shook the man off and took a step back. "You need our help to find Lilo." They all looked at the boy with ingrained expressions. There was no way they would let him help.

Dib wrung his hands. It must've hurt to move them but Stitch knew he'd be fine. These weren't the worst battle wounds he'd received. "Come on we know her better than you do and plus Stitch is like some super dog here. He can be great help."

"That speaks more for you dog," Robin said folding his arms and attempting to look older than he really was, "but what about you, kid. What have you got to offer?"

"Who exactly are you calling "_kid_"? You can't be much older than I am." Stitch had to agree. The two looked close to brothers, judging on how much they resembled each other.

Robin's chest puffed. "Older? No. Mature? Probably."

_Ouch!_ Stitch didn't know him much, but that bird boy seemed like a jerk. Dib hadn't had a confrontation like this since Keoni. And Keoni was at least a few years older than him as well as a lot bigger. This guy looked just as dorky as Dib was. Maybe even more. At least Dib wore pants with his underwear on the _inside_. This boy really needed to fire his fashion designer or whoever made his costume. _What kind of superhero wears green tights?_ He looked like a clown. Maybe a more serious clown but still a clown.

Dib glowered at the insult. He continued were the other boy left off. "Intelligent? Not so much apparently."

"That's coming from the guy who rushed into a criminal hangout with your girlfriend who can't fight."

"I didn't know it was a criminal hangout! It looked like an abandoned candy factory!"

"Which is one of the sheer places the Joker would hide in."

"Look, Peter Pan," Dib sneered (Stitch snickered a bit at the nickname), "I have my own evil archenemies I have to deal with. I'm not accustomed to whatever dark corner Mr. Ronald McDonald over there is hiding in. So take your… underpants and get off my back, why don't cha?"

Robin leaned in challengingly as did Dib. "You're planning to find the Joker yourself?"

"I think we can handle it. I've been in plenty of bad situations."

Stitch didn't like where this was going. Looks like Dib's head was big in more ways than one. They'd need all the help they could get and if Dib had his way, the two would be trying to get Lilo back themselves. In this situation, however, they needed people familiar with the ones who took their friend. "We would appreciate help!" Stitch said quickly zooming in between the two like he'd done when Dib had challenged Keoni. Everyone looked at him. "Thank you for help," he continued. "We need it big time."

"Stitch!" Dib huffed indignantly.

"Must find Lilo as soon as possible." Stitch wheezed brushing off Dib's resentment. The alien couldn't risk his best friend's life because of _his_ stupid conceit.

Robin folded his arms looking smugly at the opposite boy. Dib scowled, unconsciously crossing his arms as well. "Our friend is very important in more ways than you can count—or believe." He elucidated, looking very professional as if his own feelings for Lilo was merely trivial. "It is vital that we find her as quickly as possible so that she comes to no harm."

"We'll lend you our aid." Batgirl said, coming behind Robin and shoving him a little in response to his rudeness. "This is the life of a little girl we're talking about. Even without your request, we'd still help you behind your back."

"Takka morcheeba!" Stitch breezed in Tantalog. He reached up and shook her hand gratefully. "We help out, too. We good at fighting bad guys. We do all the time."

* * *

**I was looking at some pictures of Bleedman's version of Dib. He looks really cool in that particular media. Then I was looking at the Teen Titans version of Robin and noticed the two boys looked somewhat similar to eachother. I decided to do a little experiment. I put both the pictures on photoshop and edited the glasses off of Dib and then added Robin's mask. Then I took the mask away from Robin and put Dib's glasses on him. WOW! They looked alike.**

**So there's a little character comparision.**

**Truthfully I don't know a whole lot about Batman the Animated Series. Youtube won't let me watch any of the episodes. I've summarized a bit with the AMVs people do for Harley Quinn and Joker and all that jazz but it's pretty much guessing stuff out and having to make some looks into Wikipedia if I need help on something.**


	8. Poker Face

Chapter 8  
Poker Face

Lilo eyes opened when she felt the car stop and the engine go dead. She blinked wearily, yawning. Puka squirmed in her lap and yawned as well.

She'd just been in the middle of a rather interesting dream. There was a big furry monster and he wanted to adopt a baby vampire. Lilo was the social worker that was looking over the paperwork. She had no idea what she was supposed to watch out for in this instance. As she was signing her approval for the adoption, Cobra Bubbles materialized beside her in a big cloud of gray smoke. He was dressed in his usual black suit and tie. He was held suspended in the air legs criss-crossed over like a genie.

"Don't sign it, Lilo." He commanded in an echoing voice.

"Why not?"

"Because his fur isn't really blue. He dyes it every week."

Lilo couldn't understand what that had to do with anything, but decided not to sign the papers even still. Cobra had more experience in these situations anyways. The monsters were gone and she suddenly found herself in a DJ dance club. Bright colorful lights blazed from every direction. The floor was nothing but flashing squares of multicolored lights like spaces on some giant board game.

Right beside her was GIR, dancing as if his butt was falling off. The DJ playing the music was Zim himself.

"What are you doing here, Zim?"

"Partying, duh!" He bobbed his head to the catchy techno blasting off the huge speakers.

GIR came up behind her and grabbed her hand. "Dance with me!" he squealed wiggling his hips even more enthusiastically.

"This has to be a dream." She said watching GIR as he danced in circles around her.

"Nope, not a dream." The robot pronounced. "Better start dancing before that monkey over there makes you eat one of his fishy milkshakes."

She looked up as saw a very ugly monkey with a foamy milkshake topped with a sardine and a fish stick. The smell was very unappetizing. With a loss of something better to do, she began dancing with GIR.

"ZIM!" Lilo turned in the direction of the voice and saw Dib bearing down on the DJ with a water gun. "You think your clever don't you. Well your evil club plan for taking over the world won't work! I'll always be there to stop you."

"NO NEVER! I will conquer this world with song and boogie and there's nothing you can do about it."

Giant chess pieces suddenly erupted from the floor and Lilo watched as they zoomed around to attack each other like a war on a game board. Lilo could feel them whizzing this way and that. Some of them came very close to hitting her with a force like a bulldozer. Yet she didn't so much as move out of the way. She just stared ahead at the two boys who were fighting for the Earth.

_Where is Stitch?_ She thought staring blankly up at the ceiling as a rook nearly took her out. With those words, Stitch appeared beside her.

"We're coming to get you." He said with unusual ease in his high, quirky voice.

"To get me? But you're right there. Why do you need to come and get me?"

He spoke over her question. "I know you're scared of clowns. I won't let them hurt you."

"Clowns? But there are no clowns."

"In the car." His voice was hushed to a whisper as if afraid of being overheard. Lilo had to lean in if she wanted to hear him. Her voice was hushed as well.

"What car?"

"This one."

"But we're not in a car right now."

"You are."

"I am?"

"Be safe." He murmured before the dream evaporated.

She was waking up in the backseat of a car that was slowing to park besides a big building of some sort. Lilo Looked up and saw the words "_The Bank Robber" _in big green letters. under the words there was a picture of a masked bandit running away with a big sack of money swung over his shoulder. It must've been some sort of hang out apparently, preferably for other villains like the ones who'd kidnapped her.

They seemed to be getting out here. Lilo got out too, since they probably wanted her to come along. She had the doubt that they would ever leave her unattended in a car where she could easily escape. She'd play the obedient hostage for the moment, just so they wouldn't tie her up in a dark corner and leave her to rot. But the moment their guard was down she'd bolt.

She went to stand on the other side of Harley. She didn't like the Joker and wanted to steer as far away from him as she could get. He swerved around to grab Lilo's arm and leaned down, hissing in her ear.

"Don't even think of running in here." He warned without the repartee he'd had before. Now he sounded rightly evil.

She repressed a shudder. _Dear Santa, his breath stunk!_ _When was the last time he brushed his teeth?_

"I wasn't planning on it." She announced, facing him with a glare that made her look braver than she really felt. "You'll just catch me anyways, won't you?"

He smirked tightening his grip till it was nearly painful. "Smart kid, aren't you?"

"Well I did come out in the head of my class last year."

He gripped her arm and shoved her to his girlfriend who caught the little girl around the shoulders before she could fall on the ground. "Keep an eye on her while I talk to some boys in here."

"Wha'da we doing here, puddin`?"

"Recruiting. After our recent attack," he threw an angry glower at Lilo when he said this, "we need some new men to replace the olds."

"Alrighty then. I'll probably say hi to Red if she's here." They went inside together and Lilo caught a sight she'd never forget. The exterior was just like any regular fancy bar in a big city like Gotham. There was a jazz band on a raised stage, a bartender behind a counter lined with glistening bottles of alcohol and beers on tap, a pool table, a dart board, and tables here and there where games were being played and gambled on. The entire bar was crowded with people from the likes of which Lilo never expected to see except in comic books and cartoons. It was a whole bar full of villains and criminals; they were talking, gambling, and drinking just like normal grown ups.

_Well I guess criminals are people too_, she realized as an afterthought. _They're entitled to spend their time however they want to, I suppose._

Joker strode away from them to speak with the bartender who shrank away at the sight of the clown boy. They were too far for Lilo to hear what they were discussing, but from the look of the bartender's face, she probably didn't want to know anyways. Harley drug her forward suddenly, when her eye caught on something she liked.

"Ivy! How ya doing." All at once her hand let go of Lilo and she watched the woman just as she disappeared behind a big man dressed in what looked like a space suit. Lilo stood there awkwardly in the middle of a gambling floor of angry looking bad guys, wondering vaguely what she ought to do now.

_Some way to keep an eye on a hostage_, she criticized silently, looking to where the woman ran off to. Now would've been a perfect opportunity to split, but she was fascinated by the variety of people in here. She wondered over to a table of oddly dressed men playing a game of cards. They were betting things like gold coins, capsules of what could've been poisons and antidotes, guns, knives, wallets, jewels, watches, folded wads of cash, and bombs (Lilo had her eye on a green grenade).

One of the men spotted her suddenly. "What the— there's a kid in here!"

They all turned to her and she got a good look at all their faces. One was squat with a long bird nose. He was finely dressed in a top hat and a tuxedo with a monocle perched over his right eye. Lilo was reminded instantly of a penguin when she saw him. Another one seemed to share two faces on one. Half was of a hansom young man with slick black hair and the other was a grotesque corpse. His suite was white on his good side and black on his bad. The final man was dressed entirely in green with a purple mask and a bolder hat. There were big question marks all over his tie.

It was the third man whom had spoken. "Hey, kid, where'd you come from?'

Wordlessly she pointed over to the Joker who was now talking to a group of men similar to the ones he'd had back at the candy factory before. They all had the same outraged expression on their faces. Judging by the reactions he got each time he finished talking, recruiting was not going as planned.

They all looked to the Joker then back at her. "Hostage?"

She nodded then pointed to Harley, who was speaking to a redheaded woman in a green leafy outfit. "The clown woman is watching me."

"You know, it would be a perfect opportunity for you to escape."

"No it wouldn't." She stated matter-of-factly. "They might _look_ like their not paying attention to me, but I've seen that expression on someone's face before." She met eyes with Harley who pretended to be deep in conversation with her friend. "They _want_ me to try to escape so they can catch me in front of all their friends. I'm not gunna embarrass myself like that today."

They smiled slightly to see her wit. It must've been rare to meet a little girl for them. With crime fighting and armed robberies, they probably didn't run across many children. They seemed friendly enough, but Lilo had learned not to judge on first impressions.

"You play?" The two-faced man asked in a withered grumble.

"What, poker is it?"

_Where they inviting her?_

The penguin man seemed to lean into him with disapproval. He whispered harshly to the man, just loud enough for Lilo to overhear him. "Don't ask the riffraff to join. This game is for gentlemen." His voice was snooty with a British accent to it, just like some snobby rich boy.

_He only has his wealth because he stole it all,_ Lilo thought resentfully. _Otherwise he wouldn't be hanging around a criminal bar._

"I'm not riffraff." She declared simmering slightly. Myrtle sometimes called her that and it made Lilo itch just enough to want to really beat the snot out of her. Just because her mother was a real estate agent and owned seven bed and breakfasts, the girl thought she was automatically better than everyone. Lilo looked the fat little man up and down, mentally summing up his strength and wondering if she could take him on. He looked to be about the same size as Four Heads was back home. The experiment wasn't much of a fighter—he was just really annoying with his off-key barbershop singing. This man didn't seem too lethal, but then again, neither did Lilo, and she'd actually fought in a few battles. She decided not to risk it, just in case he really _was_ dangerous.

The two other men smiled shrewdly at their friend. "Awe come on, Penguin." The one in green said, hitting him once on the back. "We can make room for one more. The kid probably won't even play for very long." He turned to Lilo asking with a knowing smirk. "You want to play, kid?"

Lilo tapped her chin, contemplating his offer. Puka nuzzled her cheek from his perch on her shoulder, cooing softly. She patted him. "What about it, Puka? Will you be my good luck charm?" He squeaked and she took it as a yes. "Sure I'd love to play."

The birdman turned his big beak up and dabbed his nose with a lacy handkerchief as if smelling something bad. "Maybe… but you don't even have anything to gamble. You need at least something of minimal value if you are to play."

His two friends seemed to be a bit annoyed by his pompous talk. Maybe they thought he was embarrassing them. The two-faced man spoke next.

"What about it, kid? Got anything worth betting?"

Lilo searched herself. What _did_ she have… if she had anything? Her wallet had been left in her bag which was in the car. She checked her pockets and came out with a pack of bubblegum, a heart shaped paperclip, and seven coins. She looked at the Turo bracelet Pleakley had gotten for her twelfth birthday. The tiny egg-shaped stones on the band cast off pretty lights like opals. The golden metal was harvested off of comets. The tiny particles were specially heated in the fires of a star. Only the best jewelers of the universe dared to attempt such a practice. But the results were a marvel. It cast off a milky caramel glisten to it. She took it off and held it up for them.

"How bout this?"

The Penguin guy snatched it up and eyed it expertly. "Hmmm! It seems real enough. Is this gold then?"

"No."

"Some sort of cheep metal then is it?"

"No."

"Then what is it?"

"It's dust metal. It's new. They just started manufacturing it. Pretty, huh?" So long as she didn't specify, there was no reason to lie to these men.

Two-Face took it from the Penguin and held it up to his good eye. Satisfied he tossed it back to her. "Alright, kid, you're in. Take a seat."

She took the only empty one and sat with her knees bent under her to prop her up. She knew the rules of poker well enough as well as the tricks. She'd heard of bluffing and the faces that went with it. So when she received her cards it was a good idea not to show any emotion. Even still she couldn't suppress the tiniest of smirks when her hand was revealed to her.

"So, kid, got a name?" the man in green asked after dealing out the cards.

"Lilo." She answered, "I'm from Hawaii. Aloha!" There wasn't much of a reason to add the native greeting since her floral red shirt, tanned skin, and black hair spoke from where she hailed from.

"So why did you come all the way here to Gotham?"

She saw no harm in their questions, so long as they didn't get personal. If all else she could lie again. She seemed to be really good at that as well as a quick thinker. Lately though, it seemed it was becoming sort of a routine for her. "My hula team is performing at a party on Saturday. We were invited."

"So how'd you end up getting caught by that parasite, the Joker?" From the venom Two-Face spoke with, Lilo suspected they weren't good friends.

"I assume he must not be very popular with you."

"Oh not just Two-Face, child." Penguin said tossing a folded wad of bills into the growing pile. "Everyone in here has something against the dear Mr. Joker. The only one who's stupid enough to admire him is his bimbo, Harley Quinn."

"Oh come now." Riddler said stealing a glance at the man clad in purple. "There's a few things to be admired in him… when you think in criminal wise"

Penguin huffed in outrage. "I think not, my good Riddler. The Joker is a complete lunatic. An utter wacko and psychotic knave."

"Which is something to be envied, don't you agree?" The Riddler noted eyeing the older man over his plastic mask. "It's impressive to earn the title of the Batclan's greatest rival. I'd love to have been the one to earn that reputation, but alas, I'm afraid I'm not as radical. He'd stoop to any level. There isn't anything he wouldn't do to fulfill his ambitions. He'd blow up a school buss of kindergartners if they were standing in his way."

Lilo's eyes widened slightly. Was he joking? _Oh please be joking!_ She'd hate to get in the crossfire of him if what these men were saying about the Joker was true. And she was his hostage! What would he do with her when they'd gotten to their new hideout? Was he angry that she'd been the cause of the destruction of his last base?

"What kind of man is he exactly?" She asked behind her fanned out cards. "I've never really heard of him before. Things are much different in Hawaii."

"We're all dangerous, my dear girl." Penguin droned as if it was all trivial issues, though she could hear the faintest note of delight as he continued. "We have our own threats, our own weapons, and our own tempers if you're stupid enough to cross us." His voice lowered and he leaned in, as if afraid the Joker would pop up behind him. "But the Joker is another matter entirely."

Two-Face pounded the table with an angry fist, making the toppings bounce up loudly and causing everyone around to jump. "That dirtbag is scum, kid." The man hissed with utter loathing. "I'm not talking about regular criminals here. He's scourge! The whole world would be better off without him."

"Ha!" Penguin cackled manically. "The world would be so much better off without all of us, Two-Face, my man."

"It would at least be improved without the Joker." He muttered under his breath. They placed their bets at that moment. Lilo added her package of bubble gum and the forty cents to her bracelet, pitiful though it was. They didn't seem to be bothered by her gamble for as weak as it seemed.

"How's Gotham so far for you uh… Lulu, did you say?"

"It's Lilo." She corrected raising an eyebrow at the Riddler. "And besides the cold, the strangeness, the dark, creepy, city, and the fact that I was kidnapped by two homicidal maniac clowns… it's been rather boring." She admitted with the slightest trace of a smile. "This is the first excitement I've had my whole trip. Now I have plenty of stories to tell my family when I get back home."

"You find the kidnapping part of your vacation a thrill?" Riddler looked surprised and amused at the same time by the little girl's optimism. "Most kids would be cowering in fear and trying to get away at every turn."

"Well I'm not like other kids." She announced boldly. "I've dealt with villains before. I'm no hero or some secret agent or anything cool like that, but I'm pretty familiar with how they think. I've been caught in the crossfire and held for ransom before. It's nothing really new for me."

The friends looked at one another with shared confused expressions that seemed to say, _What does this girl do exactly?_

"If that were true, then why do you get kidnapped so much?" Two-Face asked with a trace of interest as if thinking maybe _he_ should be keeping her as well. "Is your family rich or something?"

She shook her head. "Nowhere near that. My sister rents out canoes for a living and my uncle is a scientist—but he's not very good." She added, lieing quickly. "As far I know about the kidnappings, I must just be a bad luck charm or something. I'm always in the wrong places at the wrong times. The strait fact is, trouble just seems to be drawn to me like a freaking magnet."

"What a coincidence." Riddler said cheerfully. "That seems to happen to most of us quite a lot. We don't find trouble, officer, it finds us. "

"And it usually comes with police sirens and leather capes." Two-Face added with what could've been part of a small smile. Everyone laughed, even Lilo. It _was_ kind of funny after all.

"My team went to an art museum today… it was really boring. Well except for the part where we all started making faces and dancing for the security cameras. Then they kicked us out for distracting the guards."

"Modern art isn't really much use or entertainment is it?" Riddler noted, winking at her. "It's only real purpose seems to be led with the thrill of a good chase from Batman."

"Wait a minute," Lilo sputtered holding up a disbelieving finger. "You mean you all do the stuff you do, cause you get a kick from getting chased by the authorities?" She was stunned yet intrigued.

"That's not the only reason, but a good portion of it." Riddler answered looking pleased with his cards. "Most of us have complicated pasts you have yet to understand. Plus we do crime because we're so good at it. How else are we suppose to keep the Batclan on their toes?"

It was sickening to hear how low these men would stoop to achieve all the heinous crimes they could conspire. Yet at the same time she'd never before met anyone like them. It was interesting to be deep within ears of the enemies of Batman. To hear of their deeds and future plans. Somehow she felt she would acquire a great deal of knowledge by engaging with them. She could possibly help a lot of people this way.

"Any more bets gentlemen?" Penguin said looking around the table. "No? Lilo, what about you?"

"I've already put down everything I can spare. Even the paperclip."

His eye caught on the furry animal swung around hr shoulders that watching the game with faded interest as it relaxed behind her curtain of glossy black hair. "How bout that mink? Sure you don't want to add that to the pot?"

Her look was of utter shock. She shielded him quickly as if afraid a big horrible hand would come out of nowhere and snatch the baby from her. "Puka is _not_ up for grabs!"

"Ih!" He agreed hissing slightly. "Meega nala queesta!"

Lilo rounded on him with appal. "Puka! If your mother new you were speaking like that… Where did you even here that term before?"

Puka hesitated, then spoke as if afraid of ratting someone out, "Stitch."

"Stitch said that in front of you?" She was aghast, yet thinking it over for a moment, "Somehow that doesn't surprise me much. I'm just gunna have to have a talk with him about how to use language around babies."

"Meega ingi naga babini!"

"Tell that to your mom." She muttered as they began to reveal their hands.

* * *

"So then he was all," Harley was in the middle of a rather funny lewd story when her boyfriend snuck up behind her.

"Come on, pumpkin. I've found us some new henchmen." He swung his arm over her shoulder but stopped when he realized something was missing. He looked around frantically. "Where'd the kid go?"

Harley jerked her thumb at the poker table Lilo was sitting at. "Relax Mr. J. She's over theres playin` with the boyz."

He was outraged, shaking her slightly. "You let her go to talk to your tree hugger friend? She could've escaped!"

"Hey," she grinned holding her hands up defensively, "I had my eye on her, puddin. She didn't run away, did she?"

"Hmph." He released the clown and stomped over to the little girl. "It's a good thing for you she's pretty stupid." Joker came up behind Lilo and clasped his hands behind his back. "Time to go, Lilo." He announced in a much-too-cheery voice.

She turned, beaming proudly as she held up a large green hand grenade. "Look what I won!" There was a big pile of loot in front of her. Joker spotted the hand of cards in front of her and gawked. _A royal flush! It was a perfect royal flush of hearts!_

He spotted the three men she was playing with all sharing stunned, disappointed expressions at her dumb luck. Joker wanted to laugh—in fact he did laugh. It looked like they'd gambled everything they had in this round. The look on their faces was something to see to believe.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" He cackled slapping his knee and pointing at their woebegone expressions. _Not only can the kid play, she can win too_! "Too bad for you gentlemen! Good job, kid. Put it in a sack and let's go."

"I only played for the fun of it." She informed taking only a golden circlet and the grenade and leaving the rest of the giant pile on the table. "Though I will take this and my bracelet back."

"Hey, kid." Two-Face called with shared looks of shock from everyone around the table. "You won all this, you gotta take it."

She waved her hands dismissively. "Hey, I'm just a kid. What' in the world would I do with all of that?" In truth she had quite a few ideas for what she could do with all that loot but felt that she wouldn't get very far with it. Especially when she was surrounded by people who wouldn't hesitate to kill a man for his shoelaces. The money would just cause more trouble than she needed right now. And she _really_ didn't need any more trouble.

"Well if your not going to take this, whose it going to?"

Her mouth opened but Joker interrupted before she could say anything. "I'll be taking it for her. Since she's _my_ hostage that makes all this loot mine."

Two-Face shoved him back. "Hand's off, funnyman. You have to play the game if your going to win anything."

Lilo didn't like where this was going. "Um you guys can just split it between yourselves, can't you? Or if that don't work, you could just play again."

They considered her proposal for a moment. There was no way they could split the pile without cheating one another. So they decided to begin the game again since it was the best solution they had without getting into a big fight over it all. They all shrugged and Penguin began to deal out the cards again.

Whew! Good thing her peacemaking skills worked on bad guys too. Lilo felt proud that she'd been able to settle a dispute between a bunch of criminals with only a few words. Things didn't even have the chance to get violent. _Man she was good!_

Joker huffed he hated peace and order. He would've continued the disbute if Lilo hadn't interfeared. He secretly didn't care much for the money, he just wanted termoil. But since the decision was settled there was no way he could start a new one without getting everyone ripping out his throat. With no ideas left to him he turned, beckoning to the men he'd recruited. Apparently he didn't feel in the mood to begin a game of poker. That was just as good, because the other men didn't want him to play either.

Harley grabbed Lilo's wrist and they left, but not before Lilo tossed her other hand in the air and waved to the three men, calling over her shoulder, "Bye Misters Two-Face, Riddler and Penguin. It was nice to meet you."

They all returned her wave, calling in unison. "Goodbye, Lilo."

* * *

**Here's the next chapter! Hope you liked!**

**The new semester is on it's way and I am sooooooooo thrilled. I can take it a lot easier this half of the school year since most of my classes are reletively very easy with little homework to worry about. So that means more chapters cooming soon. :)**

**Thanks so much for the reviews!**


	9. Our Little Girl

Chapter 9  
Our Little Girl

The arrival to the new hideout didn't take too long thankfully. Lilo had had to spend the trip in the back seat cramped in between two burly thugs while Joker sat up front with Harley, discussing their plans in low voices over the radio's noise.

Lilo's eyes drooped and she wished dearly that she could be able to lean against one of the men and fall asleep. She longed for the cozy bed back at the hotel and wished more than once that night that she could just doze for awhile. It must've been well past two in the morning after all. But she refused to close her eyes for even a minute. She needed to stay focused, looking for landmarks outside of the window that would help her remember where they were heading. She could hopefully use them to escape easier.

At last for what felt like hours and hours they came to a looming chipped entrance with the words "Silly Happy Fun Land" above them. From what Lilo could tell, it was an abandoned theme park. One of the men got out and broke the lock with a crowbar. Stepping aside he held the gate open for the car and van that followed. Looking about him, to make sure no one had seen them, he closed the gate and replaced the broken lock with a new one. The band filed into the main building to await the order of their boss.

She was shaken when Harley squealed suddenly with delight. "Babies!" She cooed, throwing her arms out for two spotted hyenas, who licked and nuzzled the clown woman as she patted them affectionately. Lilo smiled slightly. The animals were pretty impressive and they seemed to behave like good dogs. She came closer wishing to pet the puppies.

"Is it alright?" She asked waiting for the say so, just incase they were vicious to everyone else who didn't have a painted face. Harley shrugged and Lilo held her hands out to them. They circled her first, sniffing and inspecting their new quarry for any possible threats. Once she checked out, they tackled her.

"Gah! Good boys!" She wasn't scared; the jump was just a bit of a surprise and it kind of hurt when she landed on her back. They licked and nuzzled her with the affection they'd shown towards Harley. Puka snuggled into her shirt to avoid the drool from the animals. Lilo giggled. "Look, they like me!"

Harley seemed taken aback for a moment. "That's weird. They don't usually take to strangers. Or people. Or anyone really."

"Well… I have a way with animals." It was true… at least partly so. More specifically, she had a way with untamed monsters of mass mayhem and planet wide destruction. Even to the experiments who didn't understand much of English, they seemed to draw closer to her than others. It was mostly thanks to the fact that she'd had experience with Stitch when first befriending him. The trick was not to show any fear. Just treat them like people, not animals.

Joker had already started issuing orders to his new goons. Harley and Lilo stood together on the sidelines as the men went on to fulfill their duties.

"Harley," he ordered, turning to her. "Feed the hyenas. They seem vicious today."

"Will do, sweetheart." She skipped away to find them a big old lamb leg to gnaw on.

"And you…" now it was just Lilo and Joker. He looked down on her rubbing his chin, a rare contemplative frown on his face. "What am I going to do with you?"

Lilo's head cocked to the side, her big brown eyes gleaming with question. "Must you really do anything with me, sir?"

There was a faint moment of silence as the Joker looked at her, taking in her words. Her legs were torn from the ground, and for one frightful moment, it seemed she was flying backwards. Then for some absurd reason, he was crushing Lilo in a suffocating bear hug. She heard him squealing in her ear like some over excited little kid. "Oh my, you're just so cuuuuuuuuute! You're like a little doll!"

"You smell like gasoline." She mumbled, face pressed uncomfortably against the sleeve of his purple coat.

He didn't hear her, or at least pretended not to. Now he was holding Lilo out at arms length, as if she weighed no more than a baby.

_Boy, slim yet strong!_

"It was pure luck that we got you when we did." He cried, as though she were nothing older than a toddler. _Was he for real!_ "You're just the most adorable thing I've seen in the longest time, ever!"

"Lucky for you, maybe." She informed blankly. "For me, not so much."

Again he ignored her, speaking over her words. Now he held her under the arm and tossed his free hand out to his new hideout in a dramatic gesture of beholding. "How would you like to join our little campaign, Lilo Dear? It's probably not what you're precisely use to, but I'm sure after awhile, you'll find it… interesting. This life grows on you after a while."

Lilo's mouth hung open. "_You_ want _me_ to join your… circus?"

"Why yes. You see, me and my Harley have been together for a long time now, and we don't have any children of our own (which any idiot can see). We always wanted a _sweet_, little girl like yourself, and it certainly would mean the world to us if you would consider us as your new Mom and Dad." He said the words as if they were treasures; holding them out to the little girl with affection.

_Mom and Dad! Him! Her! The Joker and Harley Quinn her parents! Were they serious?_

Her mouth opened several times, prepared to say something new each chance. But words seemed to just… fail her right now. Her chest was a hollow cage. Where did her insides go! She felt numb and sick at the same time. Words echoed in her ear! _He'd blow up an entire school buss of kindergarteners if they got in the way of his ambitions._ She knew right away that she definitely did not want _him_ to be _her_ father. "Well," she started in the most polite voice she could muster, "I've already got a family."

"Oh I'm sure you do. But, Lilo," he set her down and placed both hands on her shoulders, looking her squarely into the eyes as if he would hypnotize her. "You're an orphan, right?"

The word made her flinch inwardly. She'd never thought of herself like that, because she'd never really felt like an orphan. She had a HUGE family back home; a loving big sister, a brother, an uncle, an aunt/uncle, a dog, six hundred and twenty-six cousins, and now a best friend whom she had more in common with than any other human in the world it seemed like. She'd never felt that she was missing anything for a very long time.

"Well… technically yes," she admitted playing with her fingers. "But it's not like I'm missing anything. And how did you know that!"

"Call it a lucky guess." He grinned maliciously, dismissing it with a wave. "The point is, we're looking for a kid and you fit the bill. Wha`da ya say, Lilo. Wanna be our little girl."

Oh she defiantly, absolutely, positively, most certainly did NOT want to be apart of _their_ family! But how could she say that? From the gleam in his eyes to his glaring smile he cast on her, this was not a man who accepted "_no_" as an answer. Time dragged by like molasses. What could she say? How could she refuse him without being impolite? She wondered if her skin had somehow lost its tan and had instead turned a sickly chalk white with her utter shock.

Joker seemed to understand that an answer wasn't coming any time soon; too bad, because he wasn't a man known for his patience. "Let's try this, how bout? You stay with us for a spell, and see how you like it. I'll just take _this_," before she could react in any way, he'd snatched up her wrist communicator and dangled it in front of her eyes. "And you can tell me within a week's time what you think of our arrangement." She reached out for the receiver that looked like a watch and he held it away from her, grinning brightly from ear to ear. He enjoyed teasing her like this. "Ah, ah, ah." Joker taunted, shaking a finger at her. "We can't have you calling your boyfriend and that little blue dog of yours, can we? They could find our little home. And who knows? They might bring some pests with them; like large flying rodents, or annoying little birds."

"I-I—I don't know what your talking about!" She stuttered lamely. "It's just a watch. Who would I call on a watch?"

"Really? Well in that case." He dropped it on the ground and smashed it with his heel. There was a blue "pop" of a computer chip and battery as it crunched underneath. She watched her one chance of rescue crush under a black and white dress shoe. "Sorry about that, Lilo. Time doesn't really matter here, but if it's any constellation to you, I'll get you a new one."

"Dib made that for me!" She yelled glaring up at him. Instead of feeling sad or sorry for herself, she was angry more than anything else. The gift from her friend had meant a lot to her. She remembered how shy he'd been when he handed her a clumsily wrapped package a few days after Zim had kidnapped her. He wanted her to be safe in case they ever ran into this problem again. Looks like his hard work hadn't paid off very well. They would need to upgrade it as something with an even better disguise next time. Preferably something potentially unpredictable, like a coin or a key chain maybe. "What's wrong with you? It was just a watch!"

"Precisely. And thankfully watches are easy to replace." He leaned down, trading his natural smile for a threatening frown and hissed in her face, " So don't worry about it. I will get you a new one. Harley!" Instantly she was beside him, beaming brighter than a streetlight.

"Yeah, puddin`?"

"Put her in the cooler, honey." He returned to his grin and kissed her sweetly on the cheek. "She needs a good night to think things over. It's well past her bedtime anyways."

"Alrighty." And with that, Harley was dragging her away to the walk in refrigerator.

* * *

The night air was strangely bitter for Dib, who was use to thins kind of weather. It seemed he'd adapted to the warm heat of Hawaii a lot better than he thought. He stood with the rest of the Batclan in the debris of the candy factory that had recently been the Joker's headquarters. They scanned the area for promising leads that would give them clues as to where Joker would head to next. Stitch scurried through the junk, tossing away rubbish and collecting promising substances then bringing it back to Dib to analyze on his computer.

So far they'd found absolutely nothing. Every piece of evidence they found was useless or just led them deeper into a dead end.

"Do you know what sort of place the Joker would most likely flee to?" Dib asked packing up his computer and stuffing it in his trench coat.

"The Joker works on surprise and silly tricks." Batman informed looking up to the sky as if waiting for some sort of answer to fall from the heavens. "He's a clown, so he works in ways a clowns would."

"His weapons mainly involve rubber chickens, wooden mallets, whoopee cushions, and squirting flowers." Robin added, coming up behind them.

"So he's an idiot." Dib assumed.

"Nothing so far from the truth." Batgirl contradicted, folding her arms and kicking a burnt log out of her way. "The Joker may seem like nothing more than a fool, but he is not to be underestimated. He's a mastermind in the broadest sense of the word. He's done more harm to this city than any of the other villains we've faced before."

Dib and Stitch shared uneasy glances. He was almost afraid of the answer but he needed to know. "What will he do to Lilo?"

"Anything that deranged mind of his can come up with." Robin confessed with hesitation. "He could hold her as ransom, brainwash her, torture her, kill her—"

"NO!" Stitch cried burying his face in his claw-tipped hands. "No torture, no kill! We find, Lilo! We find Lilo NOW!"

Dib patted his friend on the back sympathetically and cast Robin a nasty look. _Stupid birdbrain!_

They started off again, Dib and Stitch riding with Batman in the cool black batmobile and Batgirl and Robin following behind on motorcycles.

"So this Joker guy," Dib started studying the interior of the neat car with fascinated intrest. "He's a bit of a clown huh?"

"Uh huh." The man said curtly, staring at the road intently.

"And he'll probably hang around places like candy factories and old toy shops?"

"Most likely." Batman said turning a corner sharply. "The Joker needs material that fits with his character and his role. He's the clown prince so he'll stake his hideout in a broken down establishment that runs for children."

"So he's an attention-grabber"

"More or less."

"Hmmm." He tapped his lip thoughtfully speaking mostly to himself (which he tended to do an awful lot, the result of previously having no friends). "So instead of getting to the point, he's merely interested in being remembered through his cheesy gimmicks that's based through his villain alias." He reached into his trench coat and dug out his custom laptop, which he'd proudly designed and built himself. He was happy he had upgraded it before he left on their trip, thanks to the help from Jumba and his alien technology. These new features, like the touch screen, language decoder, and 3D holographic display, were really neat. "Computer," he announced to the AI program, "I need you to do a search of abandoned children's establishments; preferably facilities that generate toys, practical jokes, and candy including theme parks to that. Keep in mind the ones that were established here in Gotham or within a thirty mile perimeter."

"Searching." The computer droned in a metallic female voice. It took no more than two seconds before the hits appeared on the screen. Dib would've never expected there to be so many in one city. "Exclude the ones that are still in business." Half of the hits disappeared. "Now do the same with the ones that have been torn down or restored into new establishments." One third of the hits disappeared instantly.

"Now exclude the ones that the criminal by the pseudonym "the Joker" has already used for bases." Batman commanded looking over to the artificial intelligence. The computer did so immediately, ignoring the one fact that the man was not it's owner. All but seven of the hits disappeared.

"Here's our leads." Dib announced holding up the machine to display the list. "If we're lucky, we'll find those kidnapping clowns in one of these buildings."

"Poppy's Pranks is the nearest," Batman observed making a sharp U turn. "We'll check that first and come back to the others."

"How long will it take to search all of them?" Dib asked bringing up a realistic holographic replica of the city where their car could be seen as a tiny blinking dot speeding towards a big red X that marked their nearest target. The other hits all glowed yellow and spread far throughout the whole city.

"Should take only about an hour or two." Batman answered, studying the numerous flashing hits. "They're all within city limits so that's helpful." They drove on for several minutes watching their progress as they neared the ex-factory. Batman glanced back and forth from the computer's holograph. "That's a pretty impressive laptop. Where'd you get it?"

"I built it." Dib stated with the slightest bit of pride in his voice. Then he considered his answer. "Well Lilo's uncle helped a bit with it. He's the one who installed the holographic beams to make the 3D display. Pretty cool, huh."

Batman nodded without the faintest trace of emotion then turned back to the road.

Dib and Stitch stared at the holograph, wondering together if somewhere under those blinking dots, a psychotic maniac was holding Lilo prisoner. They didn't want to think about the potential horrors he could do to a little girl like Lilo.

It was disturbing for Dib to imagine the terrible things Zim could do to the bright and chirpy girl, but it was worse to think about the damage some deranged criminal could do. To be fully honest, if he'd been given the choice, Dib would've rather had her imprisoned by Zim. Least he knew the alien enough to know what to expect, rather than wondering and distressing over the unknown tortures a crazy killer clown from the nuthouse _might_ do. Plus Zim was kind of an idiot. He'd proven that enough during their last run-in with the Irken. And Lilo had even sort of enjoyed her brief imprisonment—well the part where GIR was concerned. It was clear from her positive portrayal of him, that she clearly adored the little robot. Heck, she'd even taught him hula while she was jailed!

This, however, was a whole other ball field. This wasn't some petty rivalry, or aliens taking over the world. In fact Dib was more distressed about this one situation, than any other near end of the world scenario he'd ever faced. He'd known what was coming each time. He'd driven planet spaceships, faced a giant water balloon, suffered the explosion of a time bomb, fought giant hamsters, and summoned up devils under the center of the earth. Yet nothing could've prepared him for this; the horrible prospect of the unknown. He hated suspense in any way, shape, or form. He wanted answers and he wanted them immediately.

And yet, his trauma wasn't anything compared to what Stitch was going through. Girl and experiment had been together forever it seemed. United in ways Dib couldn't even imagine, because he'd never had a friendship to equal theirs. He'd never even had a best friend. It was just unnatural for one and the other to be separated for long. Where Lilo went, Stitch came too, and wherever Stitch left, Lilo followed close behind. They were separate individuals, yet a single pair; ask for one and get two, that's how it rolled with them and they could not be parted no matter what the outcome.

It seemed like they knew each other better than they knew themselves at times. If one felt sad, the other would cry along with equal pain. If one were angry, the other would seek retribution. If one was happy, the other felt their glee. And if one bled, the other shared a matching scar. It seemed that the longer they spent together, the stronger their friendship grew till they were but one soul sharing separate bodies.

Dib experienced this first hand, when Stitch had suddenly become wary, then shortly angry for no apparent reason. Dib asked what was the matter, yet received only a low growl as an answer. Then as quickly as it came it was gone the next minute.

Stitch was at that very minute sitting up strait and acute on the seat next to Dib. All his senses were on full alert ready to expect the unexpected. He'd been like that ever since Robin had listed off all the possibilities that could accompany to what the Joker would likely do to someone in Lilo's position. Dib wondered what Stitch would be like when they started scooping out all the hits they'd found. The alien disguised dog had lost every trace of playful amusement he'd had when Lilo and Puka were both still with them. Now he was ready to fight and hunt like some blood driven wolf.

The image provided Dib with a brief moment of amusement since Stitch looked absolutely nothing like a wolf.

"Are you okay, Stitch?" Dib asked studying the creature warily.

"Stitch fine. No worry about Stitch." He said with a determined set expression out the window. The little blue guy didn't even take the time to glance at Dib. He just sat there and fixed the passing buildings with a deadly glower. Dib said no more. He didn't like the vibe his friend was sending off and knew that until Lilo was safely returned to the two of them, he wasn't easing up any time soon.

* * *

**Here's the next chapter. Sorry about the wait. I just read an AWSOME fanfic called Harry Potter and the Techno Mage by Clell65619. Totally wonderful!**


	10. Strange

Chapter 10  
Strange

Lilo curled in the corner of the walk in cooler. Besides herself, Puka, and a box of something that smelled strangely of broccoli (which she absolutely refused to go near), the room was completely empty. It wasn't as cold as she'd expected it to be in the cooler since the owners of the theme park hadn't used it for possibly several years. She assumed it must've been malfunctioned. The handle was broken from the inside but even if she did figure out a way to somehow open it, she was still cornered. The Joker had established one of his goons on the outside to make sure she didn't _possibly_ discover a way to escape.

She saw the shadow of the man descend into the faint light coming out of the window every now and then to check and make sure she wasn't up to any mischief. There wasn't much for her to do anything besides sleep. She lay down and positioned herself in the most comfortable place available on the cold concrete. With Puka curled up against her stomach and under an arm like a fluffy tale-less kitten, she felt surprisingly rather snug. It was only a minute before she fell into a dream.

* * *

"Still no luck, pumpkin?" It was little past three a.m. and Joker was still at work on that camera. Harley strode into his workroom bearing some coffee for him. She knew just how he liked it; three sugars with extra cream. He'd most certainly needed it after staying up this whole time.

The very minute Lilo had been taken away, Joker had begun his work on the video recorder. After some prying and wrenching, they'd discovered that the camera wouldn't open or operate for some strange reason. He'd even had one of the stronger looking men try and prize it open. His attempts had been about as fruitful as if he were trying to squeeze water from a rock. After realizing brute force wouldn't get him any closer to discovering the secrets hidden within the tiny tin, Joker regrouped. He went about collecting a few items, intending to confront the problem with, hopefully, some better approaches.

"Nothing," he answered tossing away a screwdriver he'd used to pick at the indent where the screen was suspected to be hidden under. He took the coffee mug from his girlfriend without thanking her and sipped slowly. He rested his cheek on his fist and he pondered over the camera. "This is one tough tin. What the hell could she be hiding in here?"

"Maybe it's just locked." Harley suggested picking it up to examine. It was a pretty mint green color with silver lines crisscrossing over the surface where the pieces held together. Harley felt it was rather strange that there was no screw holes drilled in to hold the covers in place. _Maybe it's just a new manufacturing technique_, she thought. These new models were sorta weird. "Maybe it needs a key is all?"

"Who would put a lock on a camera?" Joker demanded, slamming his mug down and splashing a little coffee on the table.

"Ah, ya got me, puddin. Maybe the kid has something to hide. Or maybe she just doesn't like snoopers."

"I sure hope it's something juicy." He groaned leaning back and allowing his girlfriend to run her fingers tenderly through his dark green hair. "I'll really be peeve off it there's nothing in here but home movies and stupid school programs."

"No one would get an automatic lock for a camera unless they had something worth hiding." Harley counseled moving her fingers from his hair to give him a relaxing neck massage.

"It'd better be." He hissed leaning back and closing his eyes to indulge with the pleasure of Harley's rub down. "After I did all that work for nothing."

"The only thing left is, what'll we do with the stuff we get out of it?"

"Who knows? We need to see it before we start making plans."

"This'll be interesting, won't it, puddin."

Joker smiled. "Yes, it most certainly will be."

* * *

"Zim! What are you doing here?" Lilo cried, pointing accusingly at him. He was in her kitchen back home, seated at the table and reading a newspaper. He looked up at her with a mouth full of… waffles. Stitch sat next to him, munching happily on his own plate. Off to the side she saw the toaster and a blender bobbing independently in midair. The tablecloth was a bright purple with big yellow smiley faces all over it. The scene was completely bizarre.

GIR popped up suddenly bearing another big plate of sticky waffles and handed them to her. She caught them just before they splattered all over her red and white floral shirt.

"GUESS WHO MADE WAFFLES!" He cried gleefully. Before she could respond, the little dog was pushing her towards the table where she was shoved into a seat next to Zim.

"But, I usually just have some cereal for breakfast." She said, trying to dismiss the gooey snack handed to her.

"GIR's waffles are great." Zim said flipping the page of the paper and taking a big bite of more waffle. "Quit wining and eat your food, earth girl." Stitch nodded and shoved the whole tower into his mouth, chomping and smacking his lips happily, while GIR replaced his empty plate with a brand new one stacked even higher.

Lilo studied her plate suspiciously. She trusted GIR not to poison her. After all he hadn't the last time she had a snack with him. Zim, on the other hand, might've done something to the batter while everyone wasn't looking. Then again, she _was_ pretty hungry and nothing seemed to be happening to Stitch…

She speared a big chunk and opened her mouth wide. But before she could even taste it…

"AHHHH!" Zim yelled pointing in horror at the door. "The evil zombie mime solders I keep in your garage have escaped AGAIN and have summoned up the dark powers of the universe to create a demon army of terrorist leprechauns to do their evil bidding." Lilo's mouth closed as what Zim just described rushed into the kitchen and attacked the green alien. They didn't even pay any attention to the rest of the occupants. They merely seemed to be concerned with tearing Zim apart. Lilo watched in blank amazement with her best friend and the little robot as the creatures began to beat up the invader for whatever reason.

"GAH! OOF! ACK!" Zim yelled as the zombie mimes grabbed him by the nap of his shirt and pounded his head over and over again into the floor. Then three of the terrorist leprechauns heaved him into the air and let him fall smack down on his face.

At last, once they were satisfied that they 'd beat him up enough, the monsters fled in all direction at the exact same time. Zim crawled back to the table dragging his weak frame to his chair. He was burnt, bruised, bloody, and maimed… but other than that he seemed to be all right.

"What happened?" Lilo and GIR said in unison. Stitch had his mouth full of waffles at the moment.

"Eh they got bored and flew away." He shrugged and turned back to his breakfast shoveling in mouthfuls of sticky goodness.

Lilo shrugged too. She knew she should've been more troubled, responding to his encounter with something like, "Uh… Hello! You just got a butt-whoopin' from a bunch of mutant zombie monsters—and you're not even upset?" But somehow the energy needed to summon up enough concern just seemed too exhausting, so she just brushed it off.

Her one concern for the moment was getting her stomach filled with some waffles. She impaled a big piece and took a bite and tasted… air. She looked back at her fork and there wasn't anything there. Where the heck? She turned and saw Dib holding the fork away from her, a frantic look in his eyes.

"Don't eat that, Lilo! You don't know what he did to it."

"But, Dib," She wined feeling her stomach growl and reaching for her food. He held it away from her speaking with a "this-is-for-your-own-good" tone.

"I can't let you. Zim is evil! He could've done something horrible to it."

"But Stitch ate it and nothing's happening to him!"

"Nothing yet." Dib said waving a finger at Lilo. "STITCH, DON'T EAT THAT FILTH!"

The blue dog didn't listen to him, only continued to shovel mouthfuls of sticky goo in his already full mouth.

"Come on, Dib, I'm really hungry." She pinned him with her most pitiful expression, making her eyes big and brown and capable of making any cold heart melt with the mere glance. His expression softened and he sighed.

"Well… alright. But let me take the first bite, okay? Then you can avoid whatever happens to me." Lilo shrugged and Dib popped the piece into his mouth. His eyes swiveled to the ceiling, as he tasted it experimentally. He swallowed and tested his fingers, making sure everything was in order. "It seems to check out." He waited for a moment. When satisfied he handed it back to Lilo. She speared another piece, licking her lips as she brought it to her mouth.

"Hee hee hee." Dib chuckled beside her. She paused to see what was so funny. "N-nothing." Dib snickered, covering his mouth. She eyed him suspiciously before finally putting the piece in her mouth.

_Yum! GIR sure does know how to cook. These are great!_

She opened her mouth to put another piece in. Suddenly Dib burst into more laughter and she paused, open-mouthed, to gawk at him. He laughed harder and harder till he was bent over and holding his sides from the strain. Lilo set her fork on the table and jumped down from her chair to his side.

"Dib what's wrong with you?" This wasn't normal laughter. Dib never laughed this hard for no reason… he never laughed this hard _period_! He fell over and began rolling on the floor with his building mirth.

"I-I-I d-don't know what's wr-wrong with (snort) m-m-me!" Ha cackled holding his side and tearing up with pain. "It's like HEE, HEE, HEE, I can't s-s-stop AHAHAHAH l-l-laughing!"

For one horrible moment, Lilo realized it was from the waffles. But Stitch wasn't reacting this way. "Zim! What did you do to the waffles?" She grabbed his shirt and shook him viciously.

"Nothing." He cried, trying to pry her fingers from the neck of his shirt. "I have done nothing to the waffles that were suppose to be for Lilo. Zim does not even know how to cook waffles."

Lilo realized she believed him. It wasn't like Zim to deny a perfectly horrible plan of his that had succeeded in harming his greatest foe. One thing she knew about the irken was that he loved to brag, and this would've been a perfect chance for him to boast of his supposedly brilliance.

Lilo released the green alien and rushed to Dib's side who was now doubled over and holding his gut to the current stream of giggles. She saw water dripping from his face. "AHAHAHAH! HEE, HEE, HEH th-they h-h-hurt. HA HA HA! I d-d-don't get it! I (snort) just c-can't stop l-l-laughing! It's f-fre-eaking m-m-me out!"

"Dib…" What could she do? There wasn't anything she could do and it was scaring her worse than anything ever had before.

Dib's head threw back and he cackled to the sky with a sickening glee that wasn't his own. Lilo jumped back, startled as he began to grow. Dib's voice seemed to fade into some other heinous chortle as he grew taller than her and then still higher than the fridge. As he grew, he morphed. His skin bleached and his black hair established a greasy green tint to it. His face stretched with a pointed chin and a sharp nose to match. His black boots, pants, and trench coat faded into a purple tuxedo and white and black loafers. This was no longer Dib, she realized with open-mouthed horror.

The Joker's laughter faded and his face turned down to gaze at the children with a curling smile. When they looked into his face he had no pupils. There were just two white orbs staring at her with a look of pure, terrorizing vice.

The kitchen was suspended, frozen into shock and dread. All Lilo could do for a minute was stare with terror. Finally she found her voice though it came out in something like a squeak. "W—where's Dib?"

He rubbed his hands together and bared down on her. "Why would you need that little punk when you've got two new parents, Doll Face?" Harley appeared suddenly beside him holding him affectionately around the neck and winking at Lilo who backed away.

"We've been waiting for you, Lilo."

Joker held his arms out for her, as if expecting the girl to rush into them. She turned and began running. Strangely enough she wasn't getting anywhere. No matter how hard she pushed her legs she remained stubbornly in that tiny spot. She stopped to catch her breath and realized there was a hook secured to the back of her shirt. Not only that, but she had been running on ice the entire time.

"Where do you think you're going?" Joker growled from the very back of his throat. It was so unlike the insane laughter coming from him before. Lilo's heart missed several beats as she shut her eyes tight for when he would snatch her.

"HEADLESS CLOWN!" A tiny green dog sailed through the air and tackled the Joker, squealing with delight. "My headless clown. They finally sent me the headless clown! YAY!"

"GIR!" Zim cried coming around as the robot was dancing in circles on the man's head. "Heel, heel you bad robot—eh I mean dog!"

"But my clown. MY CLO-OWN!" GIR cried, hugging the man's neck until he turned blue with the grip.

_Why in the world isn't Joker shoving the dog away?_ Lilo mused, staring blankly at the absured sight. _That's what he normally would do_.

Zim grabbed GIR by the collar and tore him off the man himself, saving the Joker the trouble. When he got back up, Joker was smiling as if it didn't bother him in the slightest.

Before, Lilo thought this dream was strange, but now this was just flat out _weird_. He should've been caught in a swirling fire of fury right about now and he was patting GIR happily on the head.

"That's alright, sonny! I love orange!"

"But what does orange have to do with anything?" Lilo cried throwing her arms out in disbelief for this wacky vision.

"Isn't orange your favorite color?"

"Well yeah! But no one is wearing any orange! There isn't a trace of it in this whole kitchen!"

"Look at me!" Stitch said walking in her line of sight. He held his arms up in a gesture of victory as he proudly displayed his new groove.

"STITCH!" Lilo cried her narrow eyes going the size of saucers. "You're… you're…"

"MAGENTA!" He cried happily. "How do you like it?"

She wanted to say that the new shade didn't suit him in the least, but the expectant look he cast her, was so hopeful for her approval, she couldn't bear to upset him. She smiled and nodded with approval. His ecstasy was worth the lie. He cheered and danced around the room with GIR. Quite suddenly a disco ball appeared from out of the ceiling and the lights were replaced with shining beams of colors coming from the floor.

In only a mere second, the kitchen had transformed into a dance floor, and in the next everyone was swinging to the tune of the Hampster Dance.

Even Joker and Harley Quinn were waltzing across the floor.

_Okay, now this is just plain crazy!_ Lilo thought, avoiding GIR as he twisted past her. "I should probably be waking up now." She anounced over the music as she was waving her fairwell. "So goodbye everyone!" _And good riddance_, she added silently when the images began to blur from sight.

* * *

**Okay. **

**I just HAD to make a crazy dream for Lilo. My original idea was to make it a really really scary nightmare as you probably expected when Dib transformed into the Joker... but you know I just could't do it. It would make it weird for the development of the story for some reason. So I just made her have a normal weird dream.**

**Believe it or not, but I once dreampt of a terroist leprechaun too, and he was running people over in a voltzwagon-like the one Nani had in the first two movies. **


	11. Breakfast with Some Clowns

Chapter 11  
Breakfast with Some Clowns

"Wakey, wakey…"

Lilo's eyes opened and her memory faded from the insane dream she'd been in just seconds ago. She focused on a blurred white face above her and zoned in on a black mask.

Harley's pasty face beamed down on her, and for a moment Lilo couldn't tell if she was still dreaming or not. Then she felt her aching back and shoulders, results from sleeping on cold concrete.

"Good morning, sweetie." The clown woman murmured with a motherly affection. Lilo stayed on her back, staring up with pensive surprise. The woman continued with the same tender voice, "It's time to get up. I have breakfast all ready and everything, kiddo. And tonight we'll have a proper bed for you."

Confused, Lilo sat up, rubbing her neck where she'd slept on it wrong. Puka climbed onto her shoulder, remaining hidden behind the thick curtain of glossy black hair. Harley helped the little girl to her feet, steering her out the metal door and down the hallway.

"What happened to the guard?"

"Benny's already at the table with the other boyz." Harley chirped, placing her hands on Lilo's shoulders.

Lilo turned her face up to study the kooky woman as they rounded a corner in the hallway. There was something else behind this motive. She gulped and Puka nuzzled closer to her neck for safety. Lilo couldn't remember when hostages were allowed to eat breakfast with their kidnappers. When had this been established?

They entered the kitchen and saw all seven of the hired men seated around a long square table. They were drinking coffee and snacking on donuts while reading the newspaper or part of a magazine. One man was preparing himself a bowl of cereal piled inches higher than the rim. Lilo wondered how he would ever be able to fit the milk in there with that mountain of Lucky Charms. Harley sat her in a chair by the head of the table, where a man's face hid behind a newspaper. From the purple coat and the white gloves, Lilo already suspected who it was.

"Morning, Doll Face. Sleep well?" The paper folded in two and Joker smiled at the little girl beside him.

Lilo glared. "Honestly, I'd sleep much better with a pillow next time." Her neck popped loudly when she turned it sharply. _Ouch!_ She definitely needed to find a better position to sleep in; her shoulders weren't meant to take that kind of neglect.

"Oh well. We can fix that problem tonight. But it mostly depends on you."

"Depends on me?" She wasn't quite sure what he meant by that. Did he expect her to cooperate? _I thought I was already doing that,_ she said silently to herself. _I mean I haven't tried to run away or anything... yet._

Then she remembered the discussion Joker had had with her before she was sent to "bed".

_We always wanted a sweet, little girl like yourself, and it certainly would mean the world to us if you would consider us as your new Mom and Dad._

Was this there way of trying to make her feel like she was part of the family? She hadn't even given her consent that she even wanted to. And yet here was Harley treating her as if Lilo were her own daughter.

She squirmed as a pang of guilt entered her gut. She would never love anyone the way she loved her real parents. The only thing that would ever come close to a replacement for her mother was Nani. Even then Lilo had told her that she liked her much better as a sister than a mom.

"This is something new." She observed, looking down at the spoon and fork in front of her. "Since when did hostages eat breakfast with their kidnappers?"

"We don't want you to feel like a hostage, Lilo." Harley crooned leaning over to smile at the startled girl. "We explained yesterday that we want you to feel like you belong here."

"Is that what you say to all your captives?"

Joker chuckled. "Only the ones we don't plan on killing."

Lilo didn't respond to that coment. He only wanted her to.

"Breakfast!" Harley said setting two plates down in front of both Lilo and Joker. A burning char sat smoking in front of them. Lilo couldn't tell if the hunk of black slabs were suppose to be pancakes or toast. There were gray lumpy things next to it which she assumed must've been scrambled eggs and three black stubs that smelled slightly like burning sausage. Harley passed around more plates to the rest of the men who looked like they would've rather starved then consume this crap. "Well eat up." Harley sang. "We have a big day ahead of us."

Joker had the same disgusted expression Lilo did. Apparently his girlfriend wasn't exactly known for her cooking.

Hesitantly, Lilo picked up her fork and poked at the charred pieces. When she speared her pancakes (or was it toast?) it crumbled into crusty ashes. From her shoulder Puka covered his mouth and gagged at the horrible stench. Even to a creature that ate mostly hair, shampoo, and conditioner, the food still appeared to smell really bad. Despite how truly repulsing the meal was, Lilo didn't have it in her to insult the woman with the truth. She leaned towards the creature on her shoulder and forced a smile. "Look… how nice it all goes together, Puka. It's just how uncle Jumba makes it back home."

"Why thank you Lilo!" Harley said clasping her hands under her chin. "That's so sweet of you."

"Higata magin opoi ochipabi mika leo bon." Puka argued in Tantalog, which translated meant, _Did she use it as firewood before she gave it to you?_

Lilo's smile didn't falter as she interpreted it in her own words for Harley. "He says, 'it's fine enough for humans, but he still prefers hair.'"

"Meega imput trico ibani ocho oki pelacopa dai." Translation— _I would rather live off of nothing but plastic wigs than eat that slop._

One of the men seemed to share in Puka's opinion a lot more. "What exactly did you put on this, clown girl? Kerosene?" The men chuckled around the table. Harley turned very slowly. Her face was smiling but somehow it seemed forced.

She walked over to the man swinging her hips enthusiastically. Lilo had a bad feeling about this. "If it's a question about taste, you don't have to eat it you know. In fact you don't have to eat it—AT ALL!" She heaved a big bazooka out of nowhere suddenly and aimed it right at the man. A giant boxing glove shot out of the duct and hit the man squarely in the jaw. The blow was so strong it sent him flying backwards into a big pile of stuffed animals used for carnival prizes. He was motionless but thankfully breathing. Harley turned to the rest of them smiling brightly. "Now… how's the eggs?"

Everyone smiled big and shoveled in mouthfuls of eggs, staunching their gags and acted like it was the most delicious thing in the world.

"Oh I forgot the bread," Harley said throwing the bazooka aside and moving to the door. "I'll be right back." As soon as her back was turned, their mouths opened and they wiped the terrible glop off their tongues and back on the plates.

"Quick! Before she comes back!" Joker cried, leaping to the garbage and dumping his entire plate inside. Everyone followed suit, sprinting to the can and squashing it down as best they could. To make it look inconspicuous, one man tore up a morning paper and shoved it on top, hiding the food they'd discarded.

"She's coming back!" One of them hissed hearing the footsteps down the hall. They all scrambled back to their places and set their plates in front of them. They beamed at the doorway when she walked in.

"Wow! That was quick." She noted seeing all their empty plates and their happy smiles. "How was it all?"

"Great!"

"Good." Harley said setting the bread down on the table. "I was afraid it would be too salty."

"If by salty you mean tastes like ashes," one of the men whispered to the guy beside him, "Then yeah it was too salty."

"What was that, Benny?"

"I said," the man corrected himself enthusiastically, "that the meal was great and I'm looking forward to lunch."

"Good. That's what I thought you said." Harley collected the plates. Out of habit from her own household, Lilo helped her. Harley seemed surprised for some strange reason. She hadn't even asked for help, and the girl automatically jumped up to be of assistance. Harley shared a look with Joker that Lilo missed. "It's nice of you to help, Lilo."

"Well my sister makes me at home. It's just habit really."

"That's a good habit."

"Li," Puka wined, slung wearily over her shoulder. "Meega gabba."

"Oh! Okay... we'll fix that." She finished helping with the dishes and walked over to Joker who had turned back to his newspaper. "Um…" She began distracting Joker from the news. She pulled out her most innocent smile. "Puka hasn't eaten since yesterday. All the shampoo and conditioner for him is in my bag in the car. Could someone go and get it for me?"

"No."

Her eyes narrowed. Truthfully she'd sort of been expecting this. "Well then could you give me the keys so I can get it myself?" She was startled when he actually tossed her a clinking set of keys.

"Be quick about it."

Lilo stared at him. She'd meant that as a joke, she didn't actually expect him to let her go out. Wordlessly, incase he changed his mind, she went to find the front where'd they'd parked the car. She tried to remember where they came in and but it was tough. After all she _had_ been half asleep the night before. It came back to her and she directed herself.

"_Wow!_" Lilo said when she stepped outside. This park was huge. She'd never been to Disney Land before or any theme park bigger than the county fair they had in Kauai every year. Were they all this huge?

Wait! This was her perfect oportunity to escape. But where in the world was the exit? Which side had they come in from? Would she find it in time before the sent someone to come after her?

But wait. Something didn't feel right. If the Joker was as smart as he was supose to be, then why would he openly give a hostage a set of keys knowing full well she could escape if she wanted to. He was supose to be a mastermind of criminal activity and he was stupid enough to just let her go unescorted. Didn't he know she could escape?Unless he wasn't afraid she would, because she couldn't anyways. Maybe he wanted her to try to escape? Maybe he wanted her to go? Or maybe he was just stupid. This was a riddle that she couldn't solve.

As painful as it was, she decided not to escape. Lilo had a bad feeling about it. No doubt they knew this park better than she did for sure.

She found the car and for the first time got a good look at it. It was a sleak, classic, black Buick Roadmaster. Lilo couldn't believe her eyes. She came closer, admiring the vehicle for it'supreme condition and smooth curves. It was an early 1950's modle with a perfectly pollished B-body as well as a bucktooth grill and white rimmed tires.

_WOW! So pretty! _Aparently the Joker liked to ride in style.

She was shaken when Puka nudged her impatiently. She took her eyes off the hotrod reluctantly and climbed in the back seat where her bag had been left on the floor. Other than the yellow shoulder bag there was nothing else in there. It was completely spotless, which she hadn't expected.

_Maybe they just got it?_ She assumed throwing her bag over her shoulder and turning back to the pretty black Buick for a last look.


	12. No one Gets Left Behind

Chapter 12  
No one gets Left behind

"So they can't find them any where." Teresa said to the rest of the girls that night. She'd overheard Moses earlier on the phone while he spoke to the police. Dib, Lilo and her dog hadn't been seen anywhere ever since they left the park the day before. Moses was beside himself with worry. As their chaperon, he was entirely responsible for anything that might happen to them. Once they'd given up on looking for them after two hours, he had to phone the police for the missing children.

Kidnappings in Gotham weren't as popular as they had been since the Batclan had been established, but that didn't mean they didn't' still happen. Even so, the missing victims usually showed up within a day or two, thankfully most were alive. Yet even still, there were always the rare occasions with those ones who didn't exactly make it.

Moses was beside himself with worry. He was confident his team members wouldn't have been gone so long on their own accord. They would've at least called him to let him know they were okay. Stuff like this never happened on Kauai. No one was ever abducted in their little town that seemed to be cut off from the rest of the world. It was completely safe for children to walk around by themselves. Everyone knew everyone. Nothing ever went unnoticed.

But here? In the big city where thugs and criminals grew like weeds. Friends were hard to come by here. You couldn't walk down the block alone without the risk of getting mugged. This wasn't a kid friendly neighborhood.

Once he'd spoken with the police, Moses had to finally call the children's guardians to tell them the horrifying news.

Teresa had leaned against the door to eavesdrop on the one sided conversation. Her friends lay out on the floor in their hotel room as she recounted the discussion.

"He said that the police were doing their best to find them and that some constable Gordon had all units on the look out. Lilo's sister is really worried by the sound of it. Moses can't even get a hold of Dib's dad."

"Wow!" Elena said

"I can't believe Lilo and Dib and her dog are missing." Yuki murmured, hugging her pillow tightly for comfort. "This is scary. I've heard rumors about things like this happening but never actually thought it would happen to us."

"This is something that only happens to _other_ people." Teresa added. "I sure hope they're okay. I mean I don't really like them, but I wouldn't want anything _bad_ to happen to them."

"I just hope this doesn't ruin our big break." Myrtle sulked, cutting in. "Have you ever noticed that Lilo's always missing these big performances some how. There was that one time when she missed the May Day concert, then when she ran off to the circus to get her dog back, then with the incident on our graduation."

"Well yeah that does seem to happen a lot." Yuki agreed biting her lip. "But you're not worried that something might happen to them?"

"How could anything bad happen to them?" Myrtle demanded throwing out her arms. "I mean, Lilo has that weird super strong dog of hers. It's not like she hasn't been in trouble before and didn't get out safe a sound. Remember when that medieval fair came to town and Stitch beat up that metal-eating monster."

"Well I guess so." Elena noted looking up at the ceiling. "But what if it's really serious this time? What if they're hurt?"

"Trust me when I say this girls," Myrtle announced shaking a dismissive finger, "we don't actually have to be worried about them. They've always come out right in the end."

"But this isn't Kauai or Kokaua Town, Myrtle." Yuki cried hugging her pillow tighter. "We're in Gotham now. Everything might seem all honky-dory where we come, from but this isn't home. These aren't the same monsters they fight back on our little island. These people are horrible criminals. I've read stories on the Internet about people who go missing. Sometimes they never find them and when they do find them, it's in the river or a ditch. And usually the remains are so mangled they don't even recognize them. It's only after the DNA test that they actually find out who it is and by that time, they need to use crazy glue just to put the head back on and…"

"Stop!" Elena shouted covering her ears. "Don't say stuff like that! You shouldn't say those kinds of things. What if it's true?"

"Sorry but that's what I heard."

Teresa threw her a nasty look and scooted over to the blond piggy-tailed girl. "I'm sure Dib is okay. If that's what you're worried about, Elena."

"Well yeah. I really like him you know. But it seems he doesn't like me."

"He seems to be pretty attached to Weirdlo." Myrtle said, annoyed that Elena would even think to like someone who associated so closely with her rival. "Maybe you should think about liking someone else. You're way better than him anyways."

"But I really like him." She swooned, "He's nice… and cute." She added blushing and smiling shyly.

"Can't argue with that." Teresa nodded. "He looks too much like a modern day Harry Potter for my taste, though."

"He does, doesn't he?" Elena whispered fading into a daydream of the two lovingly holding hands as they walked down the beach. "But I can't help it. I honestly feel that God is telling me… to marry him!"

Her friends looked at her silly whimsical expression with stunned interest. The girls shared blank expressions. Their faces cracked and they covered their mouths to hide the snickers. Then it was too much to hold back. They tossed their heads and howled with laughter.

Elena felt something uncomfortable bubbling in her gut and her face went red. She couldn't believe they were laughing at her. She honestly felt this and they were laughing at her. _Humph! Some friend they are!_

Teresa caught her expression and controlled herself. She beckoned the others to do the same and they silenced at once. Elena pouted at them and it almost looked as if she were about to cry. Teresa smiled benignly and embraced her good friend. "We're sorry, Ellie. It's just—don't you think you're a bit young to be thinking about those kinds of things. You're only twelve years old after all." Out off all the girls, Elena was the youngest.

"I'll be thirteen in two weeks." She said in her defense.

"A year isn't much difference, Ellie." Yuki added with Teresa's argument. "And not to burst your bubble, but I think Weirdlo and Dib kinda deserve each other. After all they're both pretty kooky."

"Ha!" Myrtle cried. "You can say that again! Last month I caught them searching in the Kuika'ika forest for fire dust spirits. Do you seriously want some kind of loony like that for a spouse?"

"I… kinda think it's exciting the way he's so eager to go on an adventure like that!"

"Okay… well that's not apparently the half of it." Myrtle stated leaning in as she fed them some pretty juicy stories of Mr. Dilbert Putchel. "Did you know he's been arrested twice?"

The girls gasped.

"You're kidding! For what?" Yuki asked with fascination.

"One was for trespassing and I think the other time was for terrorizing puppies. Can you imagine that?"

"He really did that?" Elena asked, stunned that anyone so nice as her Dib would do something so awful to innocent animals.

"That's what that Nosy guy back home told me. He also said that Dib's whole class said that he was totally nuts and had actually been admitted to a crazy house for boys for some weird freaky visions he was suffering from. He's a total psycho from how I heard it."

"But Dib's so… I dunno… level-headed." Elena said, hoping that what Myrtle was saying wasn't the total truth. If it were true then Dib must've gotten better somehow, because he didn't seem at all crazy now, just a little stand-offish whenever she wanted to get his attention. But he most certainly didn't seem crazy. He was like some super cool secret agent when he wore his trench coat and leather boots. Even his big round glasses gave him a chic demeanor that suggested secret missions and stimulating danger.

Myrtle shrugged. "Well that's what I heard. It's not often that that big nose is wrong either."

Elena groaned, falling over with a dramatic air on some pillows. "I just really like him, you know? I get butterflies and do weird things whenever I'm around him."

"Honey..." Myrtle sighed throwing a comforting hand over her friend's shoulders, "I think our lovely little island is just too small. I get the feeling we need to diversify while we're here."

* * *

Dib was tired. But not only tired, he was exhausted. Thanks to a group of homicidal nut bags hiding in a toy store, the Batclan had only been successful in checking out four of the top seven leads on Dib's computer. They had to waist time bagging the stupid villains while Lilo was probably getting further and further away. That whole charade lasted for about an hour at the most.

They had first decided to split up in order to cover more ground that way. Batgirl and Robin checked out one part of town and Batman took Dib and Stitch to the other. As they were sneaking around in Joy Toy Wonderland, they discovered a group of wanted thugs known as the Bag-its.

First Batman wanted to follow and spy on them, to make sure they weren't up to anything that could involve endangerment of civilians. When they found out the gangsters were planning on blowing up a hotel, they had to step in.

"Stay here!" Batman ordered to Dib and Stitch while the boss took action. They obeyed reluctantly, witnessing from above the rafters. The super hero was impressive to watch, but when it appeared that the big guy was losing, the two finally had to step in. The bad guys took his gadget belt and tied him up so that they could dispose of them properly. Dib wondered why they would use all that energy to bind him when they could just blow his head off with one shot. But hey, better for them that the bad guys were stupid, right?

Stitch was a tremendous help and Dib was… well he helped too. As the genetic blue experiment was busy fighting off the bad guys, Dib was able to free Batman. When the bounds were at last busted, the two didn't even have to do anything. Stitch had taken care of all of them in record time that would've taken Batman little over fifteen minutes where the experiment had done it in only three. The little guy sure was agile.

Batman shrugged and the three helped tie the criminals up. That done, Batman phoned a Commissioner Gordon. They didn't stick around to wait for the police. Batman already knew they were on their way, and sure enough, they could hear the sirens as they got away in the Batmobile. Dib was thankful for it all the same. It meant they didn't have to waist anymore time then they needed to.

Dawn was coming on fast. They would need to regroup and continue the search tomorrow. Dib hated this news, but there wasn't much he was able to do about it. Dib still thought Batman was a vampire and suspected they really had to beat the sun if he didn't want to turn to ashes.

They met up with the other two and headed back to the Batcave to rethink.

Though he tried not to show it, Dib was beat. He'd also stayed up late the night before, searching for the famed clan of city warriors he was in the company of presently. So now he'd gone a good two days without a decent night's sleep. Well he had been knocked out for a while after the explosion at the candy factory, but his rest had only been a few hours at the most. Just enough time for the Batclan to get him to their hideout and patch him up the best they could. Either he needed to find a bed right now, before he could fall over, or get the biggest cup of coffee he ever had.

Well sleeping was not an option for the moment. Dib had no intention of being left out of the plans and resolved to stay up as best he could.

_How did these people do this every day?_

"Here," Batgirl said, handing Dib a large cop of coffee. They had a machine for it installed by the chemistry set. "You look like you're about to fall over."

"Thanks." He took a long swig, trying to stanch the bitter taste of black. He usually doused it with sugar and extra cream, but at the moment he'd just take it strait to wake up.

"Can I have some?" Stitch asked politely. He didn't seem at all tired, but he did love the taste of coffee. He probably just wanted something to do out of anticipation for not being able to rescue Lilo and Puka.

Batgirl looked at him for a moment, a bit surprised that the dog drank coffee. When she realized it was nothing compared to the other bizarre stuff he could do, she shrugged and handed him a mug of his own. He downed it with one chug and requested more. Batgirl poured him a second cup and he drank it a bit slower this time.

When Batman turned to him round the second time Dib started to nod off, he feared the man would tell him to get some sleep.

Surprisingly the man handed him a cell phone. "Call your coach. He's probably worried sick about you guys."

It suddenly occurred to Dib that he hadn't seen Moses and the rest of the girls since they left the park the day before. He wondered it Moses had been able to get a hold of his dad to inform him that his son was missing. He doubted it. Hid dad seemed more inclined to ignore his family more than ever. Even after Dib had smashed the computer in his dad's lab, it was as though it hardly had an effect on the man.

Some of it was Dib's fault. He hadn't attempted very hard to attain his father's concern. Every chance he got, he spent it with his new friends. He skipped meals, ignored phone calls, stayed out late, and spent most of his time at other places. All in all, he now spent an approximate point three percent at home these days. It hardly mattered anyways since his father spent even less time that that at their house to begin with.

Thinking about it now, he felt guilty. Gaz hadn't made many friends (none actually) since that incident with Bonnie and Clyde and since no one stayed home with her these days, she must've felt pretty lonely.

He wondered how quiet it must've gotten since he finally left her alone. He no longer talked to Gaz, thinking she was listening. Now he said all he needed to with Lilo and Stitch. It was nice to actually talk and have real people respond to what you say, instead of trying to discuss things with a person who didn't even care one way or the other.

_She's probably happier now that I don't bother her anymore_, he thought without emotion.

He punched in the numbers to Moses' cell phone. It answered on the first ring.

"Hello?" The man said urgently.

"Moses, this is Dib."

"DIB!" The man shouted loud enough that Dib had to hold the phone away from his ear. It was uncommon to hear the normally controlled man yell at someone. "WHERE ARE YOU? ARE YOU ALRIGHT?"

"Me and Stitch are fine, but Lilo's in trouble."

"Oh no! What happened?"

"Lilo's been kidnapped." Dib reported.

"KIDNAPPED? By who? Do you know who did it?"

"A guy they call the Joker around here."

"The Joker?" Moses repeated sounding confused.

"THE JOKER?" Came a further voice on the other end. Dib had been expecting the other girls to be listening in. He could hear the cry of Teresa as she explained what she knew about the criminal. "I've heard of him! He's a total maniac! He's a terrorist that's blown up dozen's of city buildings and poured toxic chemicals in the water system and killed and murdered more than any other one person in history probably. Lilo's a total goner!"

When it was apparent that she wasn't helping with the situation, the other girls hurried to shut her up.

Dib ignored her comment and kept his attention on his teacher. "Have you gotten a hold of my dad?"

"I haven't been able to reach you father yet. But I did call the Pelekais and Puka's mother, Clip. They said they would be able to get in touch with your father."

"How are they?"

"Worried sick! Dib, where are you?" Moses said, trying to remain calm, but the strain in his voice was perfectly distinguishable.

"We're with the Batclan right now and we're both fine. We're already working on trying to get Lilo and puka back"

"Dib," Moses said slowly and Dib could feel a lecture coming on, "you need to come back to the hotel right now and let the police handle this. As your chaperon that means I am completely responsible for whatever happens to you. Take no further part in this, please. You're just a kid after all."

There was a pause as Dib digested his words. _Just a kid, huh?_ Well this kid has undergone more planetary danger in just two years than most _normal_ people do in their whole lives.

"I can't." He finally muttered.

"Dib—"

The boy cut him off, "Sorry, sir, but I can't go back in good conscious without all four of us safe and unharmed. We're… a team. If all of us don't come back, none of us can go back" He looked at Stitch who was listening just as intently to the conversation. His black eyes probed him, looking for the faintest signs of hesitation on the boy. The two had already been in a lot together. Neither of them would ever tolerate going back to safety without their best friend and the baby experiment with them. "No one gets left behind." Dib said mostly to his blue friend.

"Or forgotten." Stitch added quietly.

"Dib!" Moses said again and once more the boy cut him off.

"Tell Nani and the others that we won't stop until we've found Lilo and Puka both safely and we're doing everything within our power to get them back. And if you get a hold of my family tell my dad and sis that I'm okay, too. Thanks."

"Dib, don't hang—"

But of course Dib decided to hang up at that very moment. He turned back to Stitch. From the look in his friend's eyes, Dib could tell that he'd done the right thing. How could either of them dare to stand by while _incompetence_took over the mission that was best left in capable hands that knew their friends better than any other people? Oh, and excuse the word choice but the Batclan has had this man under their wings for what? Seven years? And haven't found it in their oh so golden hearts to _eliminate_ the problem permanently so that this man, this psychopath, would be unable to cause anymore trouble and violence.

* * *

**Well Speech and Drama is officially over. I was able to get 3rd in divisionals but I didn't make it to state :'(**

**Oh well. No big deal. Least this means I can spend a little more time on work and some more fanfiction. Just to give you all a heads up, I might unintentionally neglect this story a little, due to the fact that I'm currently in the process of writing another fanfiction this time a crossover for Catwoman the movie and The Dark Knight (_Why hasn't anyone done that already_?)**


	13. Gizmos and Goo

Chapter 13  
Gismos and Goo

It was ten minutes before someone needed to go find Lilo since she'd left to get Puka's sustenance. When the two men found her, she was fiddling around with the engine to the Buick.

"Hey, kid! What do you think you're doing?"

Lilo looked up from the hood of the car. Puka was seated on the roof, gulping down a bottle of watered down shampoo. He was especially liking today's flavors: coconut, banana, and kiwi.

Lilo's expression was confused to see the two walking towards her. She'd been so deep in the engineering of the car, that she'd forgotten what she'd originally been up to. "Oh hiya." She said waving her free hand while the other held the hood up.

"What do you think you're doing?" One of the men demanded again. They'd ran out here thinking that the kid was trying to escape and here they find her playing with the car.

"Oh! I was just checking out this beautiful engine." Lilo explained looking back at the marvelous gizmos. "I wanted to see if it had an original four-stroke petrol and it did." She beamed even brighter as she studied the parts. "They don't make them like this anymore. Most of everything these days are all run on diesel now because you get more mileage from them. Even still I like to study the old ones. Wow! Just look at that carburettor."

The two men blinked at her. They exchanged shared looks of surprise.

"You like engines?" One man, the blond and thinner one, asked with interest.

"Old classic cars mostly." She announced touching a pretty polished cylinder under the hood. "But I do enjoy anything mechanical. It's all the complicated moving parts that catch my eye. Like one big Chinese puzzle or a riddle."

The two looked at one another again. Was this girl for real? They assumed she was what? Twelve years old at the most, and yet she took an interest in cars, weird little monsters, and gambling when other girls her age would've been more concerned with boys, clothes, and makeup.

One man was more interested in this behavior. He enjoyed old classics as well. Sort of like his personal hobby. "So what do you know about classic cars exactly?"

"Well…" Lilo began, adjusting a part that looked loose in the distributor. "I know that this is a 1951 galaxy black Buick Roadrunner and that its b-body was designed by Roger Dally. You can usually tell by the engraved initials in the middle of the bucktoothed chrome grill. See? That's were Dally made his mark during the early 50s before he changed it to put it on the down left side of the front bumper."

The man was impressed. "That's very good. What made you so interested in cars in the first place?"

"Well I've always been interested in cars. Sometimes I help out at Mr. Ho'Omalu's garage. But there was this one time back home, me and my dog were walking around in town and we saw the prettiest candy-apple red 1942 Dodge parked by Kiki's Coffee and we couldn't resist. It was shiny and new and we just _had_ to get a closer look. Stitch did some of his own adjusting, which, now that I look back on it, probably wasn't the smartest thing we could've done. Anyways, the car's engine ignited and—CABOOM! I broke an arm, Stitch singed his fur and the owner was really mad. But even after all that, we were in _love_." She swooned over the last part, clasping her hands over her heart for effect.

The man's brow rose. "So you have had experience with cars before? What's this part called?"

"That's the intake valve." Lilo announced and the man could almost here the unspoken end of her answer hanging in the air. _DUH!_

"Very good. How long have you been working on engines?"

"Who cares!" The other demanded, getting rather annoyed with his pal's endless questioning. "It doesn't matter if this kid is a full rate genius on engines. The boss doesn't care one way or another. He told us to find the kid and bring her back soon as possible. Maybe you'd like to see him angry today but I don't. Now lets go."

"Fine!"

Joker tapped his foot impatiently as he read the paper, even though he saw none of it. Lilo had been gone for over fifteen minutes, so he could only assume she'd tried to escape. Well she certainly wouldn't get very far. He had this place rigged from head to foot with booby traps. She'd get stuck in one if she went for any of the exits, he was more that confident in that. And yet he wasn't sure. None of the alarms had gone off indicating that they had been sprung, so maybe she'd discovered a way around them. He doubted it. The kid was smart, but she couldn't be _that_ smart. All the possible alternate escape routes had been blocked off as well. She wasn't going anywhere if he didn't want her to.

He was starting to loose his patience as he waited, pretending to keep his cool as he hid his aggravation behind the morning news. He sent two of his men out for her five minutes ago and they should've been back by now. _How hard was it to catch a stupid little girl?_

He heard a door open and close quickly with voices coming down the hall.

"Finally!" He muttered, recognizing them as Rocko and Buck as well as Lilo. They seemed to be having a discussion about engines, from what he could tell.

"Found her boss." Rocko called out.

"What the blazes took you so long?"

"She was over by the cars fiddling with the engines."

"I wasn't fiddling with them," Lilo corrected defensively. "I was looking at them." She folded her hands behind her back innocently.

"You let her play with our cars?" Joker snapped throwing his paper down angrily. "What if she's done something to them?"

Buck held his hands up defensively. "Hey, man, don't get excited. Of course we checked them over. We couldn't find anything wrong with them."

"That's because I wasn't trying to do anything to them." Lilo announced crossing her arms indignantly. They were so untrusting. "I was just looking because I like old cars."

The Joker huffed, shoving the man away from him. "You're just smart not to run, kid. Feed your rat like you were going to do."

"_Gerbil_." Lilo corrected with emphasis as he was walking away. Joker pretended not to hear. She rooted through her bag and came out with a bottle of coconut, kiwi, and peach conditioner. She unscrewed the top from it and poured it through a funnel into a smaller baby bottle watered down half way. She handed it to Puka and he guzzled it down happily, enjoying it the way a five year old enjoyed a milkshake.

She smiled, replacing the conditioner in her bag. It was then that she realized something was missing. She rooted through; dread building up within her chest. She turned it upside-down and the whole contents fell out in a pile. The three bottled of shampoo, five bottles of conditioner, the funnel for Puka's bottles, her wallet, and a blue comb. "OH NO!" Lilo shouted when she realized her fears were correct.

"What? What is it?" Several voices said as one.

"MY CAMERA!" She panicked. "It's gone! I must've dropped it when... CRAP! That's my most favorite thing in the whole world. Uncle Jumba built it for me himself for when I turned ten."

Off in the corner Joker smirked behind his paper.

"It's okay. Where did you last have it?" Harley asked, pretending quite well that she was concerned for the girl's loss.

"Last night." Lilo remembered filming the dark streets as they soared over the city, searching for Batman and his posse. "I was using it with Dib and Stitch. We were filming how our trip was going so far. Then we went back to the hotel and I handed it to Dib so he could edit what we had so far. He told me he put it back into my bag after he was done with it."

"Well there you go." Harley declared putting her hands on her hips proudly. "I'm sure Dib still has it and forgot to put it back is all. Nothing to worry about."

"No," Lilo insisted. "I'm sure I saw it in there while I was packing Puka's food yesterday."

"Well how important was it? Do you have backup files?"

"No I don't. Well… not for most of them." That wasn't even the bulk of her problem but she couldn't tell them the truth. She was at least certain that the voice-activated lock would keep it closed so long as no one found out the password. It was unlikely that anyone would discover it, though one could never be too certain.

"Well what was on there?"

"Home movies and homework mostly." Lilo said, truthfully. For in reality the majority of the films were harmless enough. Yet there were a few videos on there that would break the news about aliens living on Kauai if someone was to watch them. "And the three hundred twenty-two pictures I took for Victoria's homecoming present when she comes to visit in February." Lilo added slapping her forehead dismally .

Harley looked sympathetic. "I'm sure you'll find it sooner or later. In the meantime we have some work that we need to do and we could use some help."

"But—"

"No buts now. Why don't you go ahead and tell us what ya're good at, then we'll put ya to work. After all ya know how the saying goes, idle hands…" Harley stopped short. Her mind worked franticly for how the saying went again exactly. "Uhh… idle hands make… somethin, somethin, somethin." Harley finished stupidly. Lilo rolled her eyes and behind his girlfriend, Joker did the same.

"Well," Lilo began, her mind leaving the issue of her lost camera for the moment. "I'm good at a lot of things. Though most of it probably wouldn't be very beneficial to what you had in mind." She was, of course, thinking of all her talents, which mostly included catching extraterrestrial genetic experiments, hula dancing, surfboarding, beating up bratty red heads, and making up rather unusual stories. "I can't make bombs, or fight exceptionally well… but I can make sandwiches. Rueben taught me."

"Great!" Several voices said as one. "You can start today."

Harley looked displeased. "But I had something special planned for lunch." She wined to her puddin' as he was getting up out of his chair and rushing Lilo to the kitchen.

"Lilo can help you then." Joker suggested trying not to see the unhappy expression on the pretty jester's face. He leaned down to Lilo so only she could hear. "She really needs help, so if you've got cooking skills, use them. We've had to live off of nothing but junk behind her back for three months."

"I'll see what I can do." Lilo said as they came round the corner to the kitchen. He shoved her in and slammed the door. Puka stared after the clown man from his perch on her head. He slurped on his own meal happily and shared a blank glance with Lilo. "Well," she said tickling under his chin, "might as well get to work shouldn't we? I wonder what we can use here." She rooted through the fridge and came out with, two onions, a big bottle of salsa, three pounds of ground beef, and six green peppers. "Sloppy Joes then." She decided gathering the ingredients and kicking the door closed.

Now how did Pleakley show her again? Oh right. Heat beef first, cut up the onions and the peppers and sauté with it, then add the sauce last. She found a dusty pan and put it on the stove, then went about searching for buns or bread. She came out with two loaves of whole wheat, which she hoped would be enough for the nine people she needed to feed. She decided a side dish would probably be needed and found a big bag of frozen corn. It wasn't the most original but it was something. And hey it had to be better than charred pancakes and burning eggs, right? Plus, Pleakley always told her it wasn't necessarily the dish that mattered; it was how you presented it. The most delicious thing in the world could come across as unappetizing if it wasn't well bequeathed.

Lilo figured she could dress it up and make it look as well as taste better with a stick of butter and bit of salt and pepper.

Harley came in at that moment, looking somewhat irritated. She must've enjoyed cooking, even if she was _really _bad at it. Lilo felt almost guilty for stealing her job. "So what's for lunch?" The Jester asked gloomily.

"Well I was making Sloppy Joes and some corn but I need some help." Maybe Lilo would be able to help _her_ without making it look that way. "I rarely cook at home so I'm not that good at it."

"I cook all the time." With that sentence, the jester hopped over to a drawer and pulled out a frilly pink apron with the words "Kiss the Cook!" printed on the front of it. "Okay," she huffed tying the strings tightly in the back. "What's the damage so far?"

"Well I got the meat and vegetables cooked in the pan but I'm not sure when I'm suppose to put the sauce in."

"Now would be a good time." Harley said grabbing the bottle and taking the lid off.

"Maybe we should wait till the meat is cooked completely." Lilo suggested, trying to pretend to be the armature so Harley didn't feel second-rate, even if she was the worst cook Lilo had ever met. "It's still a little pink around the edges. Pleakley told me you can get real sick from uncooked beef."

"Well I guess a few more minutes would be okay." Harley put the bottle down and stirred the meat a bit longer.

The meal was ready in another fifteen minutes. Lilo pretended to be the amateur she tried to seem like, asking for Harley's advise when really, she was the one instructing the woman. Harley didn't even realize a little girl was coaching her. By the time the meal was ready, Lilo had handed most of the tasks over to her.

"Hey something edible! Finally!" One of the men commented as he was eating the meal. Harley sent a threatening glare into his direction, one that clearly read, _would you like to taste my fist?_ The man hastened to make amends. "I mean, _of course_ it's edible. But it's nothing compared to the other dishes we've had before."

"Nice job, kid." Joker announced reaching over and ruffling Lilo's hair.

"I didn't do it." She muttered, smoothing out her hair to its natural sleek. "Harley did most of the work. I just helped."

"Harley cooked this?"

"Well don't sound so surprised." The clown woman pouted, crossing her arms and looking away.

"Sorry, pooh." Joker said smoothly, reaching over and embracing her. "I'm just proud of you is all. This meal is great."

Lilo smiled, thinking to herself that the two really did look perfect together.

Harley squeaked happily inside his hug. "Just wait till dinner everyone. I have something special planned."

"Uh… honey pooh, what is this stuff?" They all sat around the table poking at some sort of blue goo with what appeared to be long orange noodles dissolving inside it. There was a strange scent emanating from it, which reminded one of sweaty gym socks and large quantities of olive oil.

The clown woman squealed. "Isn't it a pretty color? I call it jester casserole."

"We're supposed to eat this?" One of the men wheezed to his friend.

"Well what else are you going to do with it?" Harley burst, unfortunately overhearing his comment.

"Uh… did Lilo help you with this?"

"Nope," Harley announced proudly. "I did it all by myself. Well eat up before it gets cold."

Lilo poked at her plate questionably, trying to staunch her gags. Her fork paused when she suddenly caught movement. Was that a trick of the light? She watched closely. Now there was no mistaking it. She shrieked and jumped ten feet out of her chair, clinging to Joker's neck with a suffocating grip. "IT BLINKED AT ME!"

Everyone looked at Lilo's plate. A minute went by and nothing happened, then they saw with their own eyes, as a big orange eye materialized out of the glob and looked up at all of them. They all gasped and several of the men even let out terrified shouts of alarm as they jumped away from the table. Suddenly the muck from all their plate slid away from them all on its own and collected in one big squishy pile of slime in the center of the table. Then it shaped and formed itself into a big solid body of blue monster glop.

Jagged yellow teeth grew from its mouth and an earsplitting roar pierced their brains. Big blue tentacles grew from under it and shot towards the humans, its appetite thirsting for blood. One man grabbed a chair and attempted to beat them off. The rest of the party turned on the spot and sprinted towards the nearest exit.

Joker slammed the door when they were all through but that didn't stop the thing in the least. It rammed the door and ugly blue goo sunk through the crack from the bottom, formulating sticky tentacles that writhed and grabbed at anything that came in reach. Lilo had to beat away one of them, which had attached its self to her ankle, with a crowbar and smacked if twice to get it to release her. She scrambled away the minute she was free.

One thing, which was for certain, was that that door sure wouldn't last very long. The creature was already seeping through the bottom of the door.

"Everyone, grab the stuff and let's get out of here." Joker cried, snatching up a bag and shoving whatever would fit in there off the tables. Everyone sprinted to different sections of the building and grabbed whatever they could find. There was little that Lilo had with her, so it took her no more than four seconds to be ready to go. The monster was gaining density by the second. If they planned to go they needed to go now!

They all sprinted towards the door and piled into the two cars. Lilo was shoved into the front seat with Harley and Joker while three men tried to squeeze into the back. Tires screeched and they were off pelting down the road of the amusement park. Behind them they could here the crashes and roaring of the monster as it tore the main building to bits.

They rammed the gate, belting through without pause or slowing down. Once safely down the road everyone breathed regularly again. "Sweet denim of Hoover's baggy trousers!" Joker shouted rounding on Harley as she drove the car. Lilo shrank down as he leaned over her to chew his girlfriend out. "What in crimson color crayons did you put in that crap?"

"Just a bit of flour… and a bit of some special ingredient I found in the freezer."

"Was that ingredient, escor de of azul demon?" One of the men, Benny, asked from the back of the car.

"I thought it was olive oil." She squeaked softly.

"Why would olive oil be in the freezer?"

"Ah, ya got me. I wasn't the one to put it in there. Course now that you mention it, it was in a weird container. It could be from the toxic chemicals from the condemned plant nearby…"

"Harley," Joker rounded going slightly red under his white, white face. "Never, ever, ever cook anything ever again! Got it?"

"Yes, sir." She answered with a terrified squeak.

"Right then," Joker took a deep breath as he composed himself. "Who wants Chinese?"

* * *

**OHMYGOSH! I totally forgot to edit this chapter before I submitted it! Now I had to go back and change some things because I accidentally let everyone see a sneak peak of a scene with Zim that I'm thinking about adding later on. Unfortunately I haven't been able to really revise it or figure out a good place to add it. Now I've probably got you all scratching your heads with confusion. So please if you read anything on this chapter that was after "Who wants Chinese?" please ignore it. Cuz I wasn't supposed to put it on here. **


	14. Along Came Lilo

Chapter 14  
Along Came Lilo

Dib's foot tapped the ground anxiously, making Stitch really want to jump up and still it. The human boy was getting on his nerves. The fact that they'd been stuck in the Batcave all day hadn't helped them one bit. Batgirl and Batman both had to leave about an hour ago for work, leaving Dib and Stitch with Robin to figure out more possible places the Joker could go to. Dib and Robin stood around a metal table as Dib's computer displayed an accurate holographic model of Gotham City. The buildings they'd already checked were flashing red.

Stitch sat in a corner staring at his wrist communicator, waiting anxiously for the moment when it would begin ringing, signaling Lilo's call to confirm she was all right and set their worries to rest. It had been a full day already and there was still no word from her. She would've called by now. Stitch was so sure she would have called by now. Why won't she call them already?

"I don't think you should hold your breath, Stitch." Robin said, reading the alien's thoughts. "Lilo would've called. I don't know her but I know the Joker well enough. He would've found Lilo's communication device by now. He's a fool but he's not an idiot. Quite the opposite actually. He's tricked, schemed, plotted, and planned some of the worst crimes in history and fooled many people as well as us. He's a diabolical psychopath but still a smart one."

The friends hated that statement. It meant that Lilo was in even more trouble than they'd predicted.

"Will Lilo be alright?" Dib asked, his voice uncertain as if not quite sure whether he wanted to know the answer to that question. To be honest, Stitch wasn't sure whether he wanted to know either.

Robin hesitated, which could only mean that it wasn't a good sign. "Do you want the truth?"

Dib's voice cracked. "It's not good, is it?"

"No."

"What will he do to her?"

"It's hard to say." Robin took a deep breath and rubbed his temples as he explained all that he knew of the clown prince of crime. "The Joker like's attention. It may be that he's planning something for her. He really likes the limelight. He's been known to buy time from networks and stations where he can torture his victims live in front of millions of viewers. I can't even count the number of times he's done that."

"I remember some of those shows." Dib noted, recalling a time when he watched as the Joker interrupted Mysterious Mysteries of strange Mystery to present a segment of Batman being tortured by a laughing activated electric chair. He was tied hands and feet to a laugh-o-meter that sent out waves of electricity to the victim with a density depending on how hard the crowd in the studio laughed. The plan probably wouldn't have worked if the Joker hadn't pumped the studio with his patented laughing gas. Thankfully, though, he didn't get away with it. Catwoman came just in time to save the day.

Stitch shook his head. "We never got those channels." Their island was so far from the mainland it was almost a whole tiny country of its self. Plus, not many people really watched TV except at night and on rainy days when the beach wasn't much fun.

Even if their family occasionally traveled the far lengths of the galaxy and had been further than most humans in history, it seemed that the Pelekais had lived an exceptionally sheltered life. They knew of criminals and foreign enemies of the United Galactic Federation, but they didn't know of many domestic threats. Ask them about top wanted fugitives for the UGF, and they could give you lists and lists. After all, they lived on the hottest spot to find genetic super weapons. Imagine the chaos that could unfold if they weren't wary of possible enemies that could come to kidnap one of them.

"Has the Joker ever kidnapped anyone before?"

"Oh yeah," Robin affirmed as if to say, _duh_. "But not many children." He added. "In fact, I'm not sure if he's ever kidnapped anyone younger than me. Actually I think I'm the _only_ kid he's ever really held hostage."

"What did he do to you?"

Robin pinned him with his white eyes. "It's different. Lilo isn't me and the Joker has no grudges against her. Even still he's been known to do worse to perfectly innocent people."

"And that's exactly what Lilo is." Dib stated.

"I know. I'm not sure if it's good or bad. Joker held me prisoner simply because he hated me for foiling his plans before, but also because he knew Batman would come to rescue me. It's been that way for as long as I've been doing this job. He doesn't want anyone but Batman. He's stolen more, killed more, and planned more than any other villain I can think of."

A rock dropped in Stitch's gut. How could anyone dare to hurt Lilo? She was like an angel. She saved so many people without even realizing what she'd done. She saved uncounted lives from Stitch when he was a monster, but more than anything, she'd saved him from himself. He couldn't even imagine where he'd be if not for Lilo. Abandoned on some desert asteroid or even dead by now. His malfunction would've been complete and he would've shut down for good if her love for him hadn't brought him back to life. He owed more to her than he did to even his creator. Jumba might've brought him to life, but Lilo taught him to live.

Then when the earth was at stake again, she'd been right by his side to help Stitch rescue and rehabilitate all 628 of his originally vile brethren. People feared and misunderstood all of them, but Lilo loved them. She loved their differences, their abilities, their faults even, and their lives. She saw inside them what they sometimes couldn't see themselves and said to each of them in turn, "You are beautiful _because_ I love you."

The thought of losing his best friend in the entire world was unbearable. Lilo had once told him what it had been like for her to lose him after he'd shut down. She described it as the worst pain she'd ever felt, because it was almost as if apart of her had died with him. It was painful enough to have to leave her to be the captain of the BRB for the grand councilwoman, but what must it be like to loose a person so completely? A pain shot through Stitch like electricity, and anger flooded into him at the prospect.

"Stitch will bite Joker's head off if he hurts Lilo!" He wheezed dementedly.

Dib stared blankly at him and Stitch couldn't blame him for his surprise. The boy knew Stitch as a typically gentle creature. He had never had the chance to see the alien at his worst. Yet when he saw Stitch hunched over, his extra arms drawn and his claws gleaming, the back spikes sticking out, sharp and tipped with venom, Dib had to believe him. More than anything it was his eyes that gave him away. Narrowed into slits with his teeth bared and razor sharp, he looked like a savage ready to tear the eyes out of anyone who stepped in his way.

_They should be afraid_, Stitch said inside himself. A horrible image of his dearest friend beaten, bloodied, and bruised, flashed into his sight. He imagined her spirit broken and the happy, healthy little girl changed in measures they couldn't even comprehend, and growled. _If they hurt Lilo in anyway…_ he vowed to the gods above, _I will kill them all._

* * *

Dib hadn't spoken much to Stitch for the remained of the day. The sight he'd seen on the alien would haunt him for the rest of his life. He'd never pictured Stitch to ever look the way he did when he promised his retribution if harm befell Lilo. The little blue guy had always seemed so coolheaded around Dib.

For the short time they'd known one another, they became great friends. In truth Dib liked Stitch more than a lot of humans he could count. The alien was nice and had a lot in common with the boy. But he'd never, ever looked that way for as long as Dib knew him.

"Your friend is kinda scary when he's angry." Robin noted, in hushed tones by the computer. He threw a cautious glance over by Stitch who was too busy making slight adjustments on the Batmobile and motorcycles to notice the boys.

Dib nodded agreeably, forgetting for a moment that he dislike the masked sidekick. "I know what Lilo means to me," Dib mulled softly. "But I can't even begin to comprehend what she must mean to Stitch. They've been together for longer than I can guess."

"He's supposed to be her dog." Robin said, glancing over at the unusual pet. "But he isn't, is he? He seems more like a space alien than anything else."

Dib's stomach tightened uncomfortably. A year ago, he would've loved for someone to have enough brains to see something so unnatural that clearly. But now he had to keep the secret of his friends at whatever the cost. It was the first time in his life, he wished that people were as blind as his classmates back in Detroit. "Well he is a dog. He's just a genetically altered dog."

"He's so loyal." Robin realized, watching the alien's unwavering attention on the vehicles. "Is Lilo really that important?"

"More than you can understand." Dib was speaking mostly of his own experience with her as he explained more clearly. "She's always been there for people. She's held out her hand to pick them back up and even offers her friendship with complete strangers sometimes. It doesn't matter to her if they're lunatics or even if they're unpopular or different. She just wants to be kind to people."

Robin studied him. "You're in love with her, aren't you?" He didn't sound snob or teasing when he said it, it was a statement.

Dib tried not to sigh. "Is it that obvious?"

"Well yeah, if you want me to be honest."

This time Dib really did sigh. "I don't know if she knows it, but I'd do just as much as Stitch to get her back. And I'd avenge her just as violently if she's hurt, even though Stitch has more right to do so than I do."

Robin looked surprised that one person as young as Lilo could have that much effect on people. Dib leaned over the table to the holograph and said no more on the subject but continued making the plan of attack when they searched the city that night again.

* * *

The Joker's gang ate Chinese at a little restaurant on the farthest edge of town. The meal didn't poison them or materialize out of the pot to eat their legs thankfully. And it was probably the best meal most of them had had in a long time. Lilo kept noticing the gloomy expression on Harley's face and couldn't seem to enjoy the food the way the men did. Lilo knew all too well what that expression felt like; Myrtle had put it on her many times before.

Harley didn't talk much all through dinner and even less once they left.

They all piled back into the car and drove around in search of a new hideout. They drove and drove and drove. Lilo eventually lost track of time and the building's around them blurred together becoming unbearably alike the longer she watched them go by. Her head lulled to the side and she found herself asleep the next minute. She was so out of it that she didn't even realize she was leaning unintentionally up against Joker.

He noticed though, and looked over at Harley, who was busy driving, for help of some kind. He wasn't quite sure what he was supposed to do in an instance like this. Should he push her away? Wake her up and tell her to lean on someone else? Someone like the Joker was naturally impulsive, yet this just defeated what he knew as sense.

Harley looked over and sighed. Her gloomy mood evaporated at the touching sight. _Awe!_ It was so nice to see her puddin' and the little girl like that. It made them feel more like a real family. Joker finally shrugged and turned back to look out the window.

Yep! That Lilo was a certain keeper. Harley liked the little kid more and more the longer they got to know her. It was interesting to have a conversation with someone as insightful and young as the native Hawaiian. And she didn't try to run away each chance she got, so that was another pointer for them.

Once they really settled down, Harley would have to introduce Lilo to Ivy as soon as they had the chance. She was just certain that her friend and new adopted daughter would end up liking each other.

From what she knew about Lilo, was that she was a sweet, thoughtful little girl who was surprisingly tranquil about the prospect of being kidnapped by criminals. She liked classic cars, worked and built engines, and already knew how to drive. She knew how to cook moderately well, enjoyed voodoo, hula, and surfing, played and won at poker, owned a surprising assortment of strangely colorful and exotic pets, and had a dog that looked like a blue cockroach. Aside from all that, it was plain to Harley that she was also very pretty. The clown woman could easily believe that when the little girl got a bit older, she would most likely become every man's dream.

Harley realized just how unbelievable Lilo was as they chatted earlier that day.

"So… you and Joker are a couple, right?" Lilo asked her as Harley was fixing dinner. The clown woman had absolutely insisted that she cook without help that night and Lilo hadn't been the least bit offended. In fact she'd been somewhat relieved, saying how she couldn't cook all that well anyways, and could only make three real dishes. Instead she sat calmly in a rolling chair, spinning around as she spoke with the woman.

"Yep!" Harley chirped, answering her question with a whimsical grin. "We've been together for seven years now and we'll be together—forever."

"Yeah. You two look really sweet together."

Harley's eyes sparkled. "We do, don't we?" Then she smiled and patted Lilo on the head affectionately, "Ya know kid, you're all right."

"Thanks. I'd like that to happen to me one day too. Find the person whose right for me."

"Who was that boy with ya?" Harley asked, recalling the young man who looked so surprisingly like the bird boy Robin with glasses instead of the mask. Harley forgot that she'd kicked him across the floor when they first met.

"That was Dib."

"Is he ya' boyfriend?"

"Oh no." Lilo announced, shaking her head quickly. "Nothing like that. We're just really good friends. It's nothing romantic, though I can see why people think like that."

"Oh. How so?"

"Well, we hang out everywhere we go. Me, Stitch, Dib, and occasionally Angel. Because we—" Lilo jumped up suddenly and her arm shot up towards the ceiling in declaration, "ARE A TEAM!"

"Well… I guess that's good." Harley decided. "Whose Angel?"

"She's Stitch girlfriend. They're honeys."

"Oh. Another strange dog?"

"Sort of. She's an Australian poodle."

"You have quite a assortment of exotic pets."

Lilo smiled proudly. "Yes. Yes I do."

"This Dib," Harley said, testing the name. It was a strange one for a little boy. Maybe it was just a nickname for something longer and dumber, "does he like you?"

Lilo giggled by the comment and the furry gerbil on her shoulder made chirping sounds that must've been laughter. "I'm pretty sure Dib just likes me as a friend." Lilo said at last. "He's really dedicated to his paranormal network. I don't think he's ever had a crush before."

"In the car ya mentioned something about a kid called Zim who kidnapped you before. Who is that exactly? Another boyfriend?"

"Not even." Lilo said defensively. The girl unconsciously touched her lips by the statement and her cheeks became slightly red. Harley was interested now more than ever. "He's just an old rival of Dib's. He's crazy!"

"How did he kidnap you?" Harley didn't actually believe it was real kidnapping. Kids aren't capable of something so diabolical. More than likely it was just old rivalry between two adolescent boys. A game that they played perhaps.

Lilo seemed to get increasingly angry as she explained for the woman. "That little punk jumped me and Stitch while we were on our way to the most important day of my hula career. My graduation! Then he kidnapped me just to get back at Dib 'cause he thought we were a couple. Stupid green jerk!"

"What happened after you were rescued?"

"Well Dib got me away from Zim, but then it ended up that _I_ needed to save _him_ next."

"Sounds like you two are likely sweethearts." Harley mulled folding her hands under her chin and swooning dreamily._ Ah young love!_

"I don't think so." Lilo disagreed shaking Harley out of her fantasy. "I'm pretty sure Dib doesn't feel that way about me."

"Do you feel that way about him?"

"Oh no. We'll always be best friends but I'm not the right girl for him. Besides, Elena's the one who really likes him."

Harley didn't know who Elena was but assumed it must've been another girl who was smitten with this Dib. "Does he like Elena?"

Lilo smiled softly. "You know, quite personally, I think it can work out. They look really sweet together."

Harley almost felt guilty for a moment. Here was Lilo, a good girl that she was, with friends and a life back where she came from. Too bad she would never see any of those people again. In the short time that they've had their hostage, the clown woman had managed to grow quite attached to the her. Now that the little girl was apart of their little family, they would need to find her a costume and a good name that fit with their criminal theme.

Harley thought for a moment. Well Since her and her puddin' both were clown characters originating from cards, then Lilo would have to coordinate to that. Everyone knew the Joker, and Harley came from harlequin and her outfit had diamonds on it. Maybe Lilo wouldn't mind having hearts. Also, she needed a name. Well Mr. J always did have an ace up his sleeve.

_Hmm._ She tested the name out in her head._ The Ace of hearts._ She liked the sound of it. _But oh! It's taken! Well the Ace part is at least._

What else could they call her? She was so sweet… just like a little Doll. Hmm… Dolly maybe? But that would seem like they were taking that from Baby Doll and that was taken too. Boy this was hard. She would have to ask Mr. J about it later on.

* * *

**It's kinda ironic huh. Here you have Dib whose totally head over heals for the girl next door and on the other hand you have sweet little Lilo whose completely oblivious. Doesn't even suspect anything, she's just doom-di-doom-doom in her own happy world. Not paying attention to poor Dib at all. But that's the thing with these love triangle stories. Here you got Elena whose smitten for the boy whose smitten for another girl whose entirely clueless to the relationship dying to be develped. It's totally obvious to the bystanders about what's going on but not to the characters themselves. Mmm-mm.**

**Need some help with Lilo's new alias that Harley's trying to come up with right now. What do you guys think: Ace of Hearts or Dolly? Or maybe Dolly the Ace of Hearts. Or if you come up with a better name than that, tell me. I coud end up using it-with your permision of course. I'm not giving anything away by asking you this. Lilo might get rescued before the Joker has a chance to twist her mind and turn her against her family and friends. For all we know, the new "clown princess" could merely be mentioned and never really used in this fanfic.**

**Anyways you guys tell me what you think. Should Joker and Harley succeed in turning Lilo in their own little girl? Or should she be rescued by Dib and the rest of the Batclan? And when will Zim and GIR show up?**

**Tell me what cha think.**

**Thanks to everyone for reviewing.**


	15. Stench

Chapter 15  
Stench

"There doesn't appear to be anyone around." Batman announced as his teammates, Dib, and Stitch scoped out an amusement park on the outskirts of the city limits. The boss had been very hesitant about entering the fair grounds. He knew the Joker better than anyone ever had and he could expect the man would have an ace up his sleeve. "It could still be a trap. We'd better be cautious. Stitch."

"Ih." The blue dog stepped forward.

"How good is your sense of smell?"

"Excellent." The little guy said proudly.

"Good. Sniff around a bit and see where they came in."

"Okey dokey." Stitch fell on all fours scurrying here and there. His nose was pressed low to the ground, breathing and tasting the scents of humans. The combinations were as different and unique as thumbprints. He could definitely guess Lilo's around this amusement park. The scent was faint but still held the familiar fragrant of hibiscus flowers, coconuts, ocean surf, and coffee; elements that were all Lilo's wherever she went. There were other smells as well. Stitch detected one that was most definitely the Joker's: a combination of gasoline, gunpowder, and some pricey cologne he couldn't quite place. There was another that was most certainly a woman, (probably Harley Quinn's) which was a mix of heavy makeup, cinnamon gum, and rose oil.

Stitch looked up to the four humans who were patiently waiting for his prognosis. "They definitely been here." He announced. He turned back to the ground, trying to trace where the scents had originated. "This way!" He said rushing forward with the others following after him.

Their scents strengthened as he neared the main building. But now he hit a new smell and this one wasn't in the least bit pleasant.

He backed up shaking his head as if hoping to dislodge the horrible smell out of his nose that way.

"Stitch what is it?" Dib asked coming up behind him.

"Uh… horrible!" Stitch said covering his nose. "Horrible stinky smell in there."

"Oh man," Robin moaned covering his nose as well when the stench hit him. "You're not kidding. Crud that is foul." The others covered their own noses as well.

Dib pinched his nose shut but refused to let it bother him too much. "Is that where Lilo's scent is coming from?"

Stitch uncovered his nose for the briefest moment to sniff for his best friend. His eyes watered as he breathed deep. Her scent was faded but perfectly detectable. He nodded, trying not to gag.

"Then we can't stop here." Dib grabbed Stitch's arm and pulled.

"Here," Batman handed the two friends gas masks. He and the other two buckled on their own just as the smell became an unbearable haze.

Dib ran up to the door when he could breath again. He reached towards the handle but paused. "Should we really go in? You know this guy best after all. Is this part of his strategy, or something? There could be a trap on the other side."

"Well," Robin began, "we usually just fall through a skylight or a window, but since there are none available on this building, we'll have to settle for this way."

"We should probably split up. You two," Batman pointed round the back to Batgirl and Dib. "Find another way. If he's in there, Stitch, Robin, and I will distract them while you rescue the little girl." The two nodded and ran off to find an alternate route inside. Stitch didn't much like the ideas of letting another of his friends go where he couldn't too. He had to remind himself that the boy was enough of an accomplished fighter himself. Plus it wasn't as if he was actually going alone. Dib would be fine with Batgirl.

In the meantime they were entering what appeared to be a large arcade in the middle of the theme park.

Batman kicked the door in and the moment he'd done so, a thick cloud of blue gas enveloped the group. Stitch was instantly grateful for the gas mask that the Dark Knight had lent him yet even through the protection his enhanced sense could still detect a hint of the horrible odor.

"Boy some one really needs to light a match in here." Robin muttered for some tension release.

"It doesn't appear to be poisonous," Batman said, whipping out a scanner to analyze the gas. "It's just really… odiferous."

"Could it be a trap?"

"I don't think so. This cloud seems to cover nearly the whole building and unless the Joker's gang all have gas masks, I don't think they would've stuck around for very long."

"It's weird," Robin said loosening his mask for the briefest moment to test the scent. From the look on his face he instantly regretted it, though. He leaned against the wall from the impact it had. "It doesn't smell like it's from the sewers. It's got a sour, broad, itchy, sort of punch to it."

"Ih!"

They looked around the building for a moment, searching for clues as to what could've happened here.

"Judging from the toppled chairs and scattered weapon equipment," Batman noted, "they must've left in a hurry."

"Sure can't blame them. If this odor had sprung up at home, I'd be outta there before anyone even yelled 'fire!'"

Stitch paused suddenly when he stepped in something… squishy.

"Iky!" He hissed, wiping whatever it was on the carpet. The only problem was that whatever it was, wasn't coming off. Stitch suddenly found himself hanging upside-down in the air. "Aaaah!"

Robin and Batman gawked for a moment at the disgusting creature that had a hold of their blue friend. Stitch turned round about to see he was staring into the slimy darkness of a sharp endless mouth. It was some kind of blue monster blob thing like the experiments he and Lilo use to catch back when they were younger. Cept this abomination was nothing like his otherwise tolerable cousins. It seemed to be this creature that was emanating the horrible stench. Not only that, but it seemed to be… melting in other words.

He was about to claw the thing's disgusting blue tentacle off of him, but before he had a chance to do anything, the creature opened its great mouth, and bellowed a monstrous roar in his face. Slime and spit spewed from its mouth, wetting poor Stitch from head to foot in the stinky goo. Then it opened it's mouth wide and tossed him in.

The next part, Stitch can only report as being the most disgusting, gruesome, squishy, tingly sensation that had ever happened to the poor experiment. Inside the blob monster he held his breath for as long and he could. He knew his friends were working their hardest to rescue him, but seriously, they could be quicker about it! Normally he would never intentionally wish mortal harm to a creature, but in this case, he was willing to make an exception.

His arms were pinched in an uncomfortable position and he couldn't maneuver around fast enough to tear his way out of the animal. His lungs were beginning to burn and if he didn't find air soon, he would be sucking in that terrible glob of internal fluids. _Come on!_ He urged his friends from his incarceration on the inside. _Just_ _blow the thing up! I don't mind! _His vision was beginning to fuzz and he was getting dizzy. Finally he couldn't take it anymore. His mouth opened and he was inhaling the horrible tasting slime. Uh! He wished desperately he could throw up. But before he could even hope of seeing air again, the world dissolved and he let the darkness take him.

* * *

"St—itch! Stit—ch!" His head was pounding and it hurt to breath. He could distantly feel something gooey sticking and drying to his blue fur. "Sti…. Stitch!" _Oh would someone please shut that animal up already!_ "Stit—Sti—STITCH!"

"WHAT!" The blue experiment yelled sitting up in a pool of goop. His mind focused almost instantly the moment his eyes were opened. He saw a geeky human with big glasses and large ears looking into his face. Oh… it was Dib.

"Are you alright?"

_Um... I was just eaten by a reeking, blue, blob, monster THING and nearly drowned in its drool! Do I look all right to you?_

In reality though Stitch remembered his manners. "Ih. Stitch think so."

"What was that thing?" Batgirl said coming up from behind and helping the dog to his feet. As he studied the people around him, he saw that they all were covered with a nice layer of blue slop which he assumed must've been all that was left of the abomination that devoured him. They all no longer had their masks on too. They must've decided to blow it up sothat the stench had burned out. And not a moment too soon!

"Isn't it obvious?" Dib said getting to his feet with Stitch. He had the same wild expression on his face whenever he was confronted with something unnatural and freaky. "It was probably some hideous monster sent here from an alternate dimension after a beastly collision of our two worlds. Man I should've brought my camera! The Swollen Eyeballs would've loved to see that."

"I liked the part when you hurdled yourself off of the giant Jack-in-the-box and chucked the dynamite into its opened mouth." Robin said smirking slightly.

Stitch neglected to ask for explanations. Quite honestly, he could've cared less about the details at the moment. The slime was beginning to get thick and it was starting to dry into his fur, making an uncomfortable crackly sensation. Normally he despised water, but in this case, all he really, really wanted to do at the moment, was hop in a big tub, and scrub this gunk off of him until it nearly hurt.

"Now that we know what made the Joker's gang vanish suddenly from their hideout…"

"…And what was making that horrible smell." Batgirl added, interrupting her boss.

Batman continued as if she hadn't said a word. "…We should search for elsewhere for your young friend."

"Wait! I found this in the back." Dib said, holding up a golden circlet with red stones that sparkled in the light. Stitch recognized it almost instantly. "It's Lilo's. She was wearing it when she got kidnapped. She must've left it here by accident when they ran for it."

Stitch took it from his hands and sniffed it experimentally. He could still sense Lilo on it, almost as if she were standing right next to him. But there were other smells too. He could detect pomade, birdseed, Earl Grey tea, nickel, and something else that might've been… spearmint?

"What is it Stitch?"

"Other smells."

"Like what?"

He told them.

"Well pomade, Earl Grey tea, and birdseed could only be the Penguin." Robin said expertly.

"Nickel could be off of Two Face," Batgirl added with excitement. "He has that coin after all."

"I've never known the Joker to brush his teeth before, so spearmint could be from another villain." Robbin noted. "Maybe the Riddler?"

"Whoever it is," Batman said grimly. "We can assume the Joker's been to meet his friends for some recreational activities."

"And he brought Lilo with him? Why would he do that?"

"Maybe he needed to find some new thugs after he lost his latest in the explosion of his last hideout?"

"Well if that's the case we might be able to find him again." Batgirl said hopefully. "He use to hang out at a bar to play cards with a few of his buddies. We could just go back to that one and…"

Batman shook his head. "He'll have moved. They all would've. They wouldn't have gathered at a bar, knowing full well the police could trace them back to it. These people need to stay hidden. And the only way to do that is to gather in an unmarked business."

"So we won't be able to track them the easy way."

"Unfortunately not."

"Looks like we'll have to regroup again back home."

Stitch wanted to growl. This was taking too long. It'd been two days already. Lilo could've been hurt by now or worse, she could be… NO! He couldn't think like that. Lilo was not dead. He was so certain that he would feel it the moment it was so. His connection with her was that strong. If anything bad happened to her, he would feel it. He would. He would!

* * *

Lilo was a bit confused the next morning when she woke up on a big pile of stuffed animals. The majority of what she was laying on was a life-sized black teddy bear. The rest of it were cheep carnival prizes. She suddenly realized there was a warmth under her head and over her stomach. Her hand was rested on a tuff of fur that seemed to be breathing. She looked down and saw the two hyenas curled around her. One had his head propped on her stomach and the other was snoozing heavily under her own, like a big furry pillow. Puka lounged comfortably on the top of her head.

Lilo snapped up, fearing that the little hair-eating gerbil might've had a snack sometime in the night. The baby was jerked off her head when she straitened, but Lilo caught him tenderly just as he fell. The girl checked her hair, not because she feared a haircut, but because his mother had specifically told Lilo that black coarse hair like hers would make the little creature sick. She breathed when she realized her head had remained untouched. She laid back on the hyena and held Puka in the air above her as she lectured him in Tantalog.

"You shouldn't startle me like that. I thought you would get sick off my hair. You know what your mother said; "Only light colors. Nothing darker than red." It'll make your stomach sick and you'll be up all night with a bellyache."

"Meega mucha gaba heeee-air."

Lilo sighed. "You do need some protein don't you? You've had to live off a diet of vegetarian milkshakes for the past twenty-four hours. But I don't know where I'll get any hair around here. Not unless I'm able to make a trip to a barber shop."

"Kaga niga brin?"

"Oh no. I couldn't possibly. He wouldn't let us anyways."

"Bushi bon palai iky. Haba naba nishin."

"Well when you put it like that I suppose—oh what am I saying? He's not going to let us. Even if you were starving he wouldn't let us. So there's no point of asking. And if _someone_ hadn't gotten carried away and eaten the entire stash that was suppose to last the week, we wouldn't be face with this dilemma!"

She tried not to see the distressed look on Puka's face. Yet even still, his big sad eyes dug their way into Lilo's heart and she could no longer resist. She sighed, "Alright. I'll see what I can do. Maybe there's a bit of hair around here anyways."

Puka made a chirping sound and hugged Lilo around the neck. It was so warm and the little creature was so fuzzy that the girl forgot for a moment that she was someone's hostage.

Speaking of which, where were they? Judging by the big performance stage, the nice polished linoleum floor, and the round tables, they must've been in a dinner theater of sorts. It must have been out of business for quite some time, otherwise they wouldn't have set up their hideout here. Even still she didn't know the name of this theater.

"Hey," she called to one of the two men who was sitting at one of the tables. They were both reading parts of the paper and eating cream éclairs. She recognized them as Benny and Rocco. Benny looked up at her with a spot of cream smeared on his face. "Where are we?"

"mm'afe 'ity." He mumbled through a large bite of pastry.

"What?"

He finished chewing his breakfast and swallowed hastily. "Lafe City." He announce correctly.

"Where's that?"

"I dunno."

_Some henchman you are_, she criticized silently. She put Puka on her shoulder and strolled barefooted around the big room. "Where is everyone?" She asked when she realized the place was uncommonly quiet. "And what time is it?"

"It's a little after seven a.m.," the man said with detached interest as he read his paper. "I think the boss is working on some project. Harley's still sleeping and a few of the boys are busy making rounds."

Lilo looked back up at the ceiling satisfied with the answer. Then another question hit her. "What's today?"

"Thursday."

Lilo's mouth opened in dismay. "It is?"

"Well that's what day the paper says it is."

"Oh." She said glumly. Puka nuzzled her cheek sympathetically. He might've only been a baby, but even he knew what Thursdays meant to her. She strode slowly over to the table and sat down. She placed Puka on the top and handed him a bottle of strawberries and cream shampoo for breakfast. He slurped it happily and made little sounds of delight as he ate his food.

Harley came out soon enough, carrying a big dog dish of meat slabs for the hyenas. "Babies," She cooed, happily tossing them the plate. The hyenas dug into it with pleasure, licking their lips and smacking their jaws happily. Lilo watched the exchange with interest. _Least someone likes her cooking_, she thought sympathetically. She remembered back with the blue blob monster that materialized out of her casserole and how bad Harley looked during Chinese the night before. _Honestly how does anyone manage to cook that horribly?_

Even still, she had to give Harley credit. Not even Jumba could materialize a fully-grown blob creature from his cooking. Then again, Jumba was a worse cook than even Pleakley had been when he first moved in with the Pelakais.

She sighed and looked back to the furry critter. She was still feeling depressed about today.

"What's the matter, starfish?" Harley asked noticing the gloom around the little Hawaiian.

"It's sandwich day." Lilo stated, expecting that would clarify everything. When their faces read confusion, she sighed deeply as she proceeded to explain. "Every Thursday I take Pudge the fish a peanut butter sandwich."

Harley's brow rose slightly. "Pudge… the fish?"

"And I totally forgot to tell anyone to give him peanut butter while I was away. I'd ask my friends to do it but they're all here in Gotham. And even if there were someone I could ask, Pudge won't trust anyone but me. But there's no time for me to make it to the tide pool before noon." She leaned in whispering as if asking a crucial question. "Do you know how far Hawaii is?"

"Pretty far I guess."

"IT'S REALLY FAR!" Lilo wailed her hands coming up and groping her face in despair. "If I can't give Pudge peanut butter, I'll be an abomination. Pudge is back home in Hawaii and I'm stuck here in…in… in creepy dark Gotham!"

"Lilo, Lilo" Harley said, placing a calming hand on her back. "Why is this so important?"

The girl looked up at the woman, total sincerity on her face. "Pudge controls the weather."

Harley retracted looked confused. Benny and Rocco exchanged questionable glances. Okay then… Was the girl crazy? When they looked back at her face though, it was still completely serious.

"HATTER!"

They all jolted when the wrathful shout of Joker shook the entire building. It sure didn't take a genius to tell at once that this was something really bad. They all searched for escape routes, but too late. The furious white (now slightly red) face of Joker came storming through a door on the opposite side of the large performance hall.

Harley smiled timidly clasping her hands innocently behind her back. "W-what's wrong… puddin?" She was almost too afraid to ask. She'd witnessed enough of her boss's fits to know when danger was close. But it didn't seem to be fueled by her so maybe it was okay.

"That fashion disaster Hatter!" He spitted a little when he shouted. "He stole it!"

"Stole what?" Harley was scared to ask.

"My dookie!"

Harley stared at him. Had she heard that right? "You're what?"

"MY DOOKIE!" he repeated at the top of his lungs. "My dookie! He stole it!"

"pfft." Lilo's hands came up and gigbled. She wasn't the only one thankfully. Both Rocco and Benny snorted softly on amused chuckles. Unfortunately Joker noticed their mirth when he definitely hadn't meant to be funny. His eyes flashed dangerously and Lilo was at once serious again. "Something funny, Lilo?"

"Um," she hesitated, then looked up at the ceiling, trying to avoid his wrathful glare. "Well I was just giggling because I was remembering a funny joke my sister use to tell me all the time. Want to hear it?"

"NO!" He turned to his men. "What about you Rocco. What's so funny?"

"Nothing Mr. Joker. Nothing at all."

"What about you Benny? Anything funny in your life today?"

"Absolutely not, sir."

"Oh really?" He stabbed a finger at them. "Then why were you laughing?"

They both seemed to panic. "Oh… uh… that? I wasn't laughing sir." Benny tried hopelessly. "I was just sniffling—sneezing! Yeah that's it." He brought his finger to his nose and sniffled deeply.

"And I… uh," Rocco lifted his finger and then faltered. "I was just coughing. Yup." He coughed a few times in his hand. When the two finished, they looked at the Joker and smiled innocently.

"You should do something about those allergies." Joker said evilly. "They get any worse, and you could die!" The two men's faces paled at his unspoken threat.

"LILO!"

She jumped, frightened suddenly. "Yes, sir?"

"What was that joke?" The clown prince demanded.

"Oh well." She grouped in her memory for a side splitter she used to tell to her friends all the time. "What's red and smells like blue paint? …Red Paint!"

It didn't surprise her when Joker didn't laugh. But there were three other sets of snorkels around the room. Joker threw them all more looks of venom and they were silent once again. He turned back to Lilo and just glared at her. He stomped away muttering over his shoulder, "Stupid."

She scowled after him and mumbled under her breath. "Stitch and Dib thought it was pretty funny."

"What are ya gunna do, puddin?" Harley was almost too timid to ask.

Joker held up a big blue top hat with a piece of paper that read 10/6 stuffed into a ribbon tied around the thing. The clown criminal looked like he would've liked to stab the man who owned the silly head covering. "Get in the car, everybody? We're gunna go look for our dear friend, Mr. Hatter."

* * *

**You know I just love the part where Lilo is explaining to her classmates and Moses about sandwich day in the movie. My favorite part is when she tackles Mertle and slaps that little snot in the mouth. Oh yeah, don't peeve off and island girl!**

**You know I thought of this question the other day and I couldn't get it out of my head:**

**Who would win in a fight: Jack Sparrow or the Joker? (And I'm talking about Heath Ledger from The Dark Knight Joker, not the guy with the constant buzz off the cartoon)**

**Anyways just some food for thought for ya. Thank's everyone for the reviews.**


	16. Making Propositions

Chapter 16  
Making Propositions

"Damn! Nothing again." TwoFace hissed throwing down his cards in disgust. This was his second game and so far he was doing horribly. Penguin was really taking all he had tonight.

The short, fat man across from him smirked. "Another round, Two Face my man?"

Ah he'd had enough for tonight. No need to embarrass himself further. Old Dent started to get up but paused when he saw people walking through the doors. The Joker entered the bar fueling with rage, which was something of a oddity for the naturally happy man. He was followed by the cronies he just picked up two nights ago, as well as his girlfriend and the little hostage they had. What was her name again? Oh yes—Lilo.

He was surprised to see the little girl again so soon. Harvey half expected Joker to have drowned her by now. As it appeared, the girl looked just as healthy and unharmed as when they first saw her on Tuesday. She must've been born under a very lucky star to last this long with that man.

It gave Harvey a sudden idea. He sat back down on the table and shouted over the girl. "Lilo! I'm doing horribly. Come be my lucky charm."

The little Hawaiian looked up to the woman who held her hand. "Can I?"

Quinn looked hesitant for a moment, then she shrugged. "Ah what the heck. Just don't run off."

The minute she had the say so, Lilo skipped towards them and sat keenly next to the partially mangled man. She didn't even react when she sat down nearest his bad side. It didn't bother her in the slightest; she just looked up at him and smiled. "Hello again, Mr. Two Face. What's the game?"

From his good side, Harvey smiled a bit. "Blackjack. Ever play?"

"Once, with Spades. He beat me though."

Harvey definitely needed Lady Luck on his side. Hopefully the small girl would pose as a good alternate for the moment. "Well I hope he only won because he cheated."

Lilo grinned knowingly. "Actually he did. That's the only way he can win. He builds up your confidence by letting you win one game after another. Then once you've bet everything you've got, thinking luck will be on your side once more, he just takes it all away with one hand. Thankfully all I had to loose was a package of candy sticks and a mechanical mermaid pencil." Her face turned briefly to a scowl. "Although, I really wanted his ceremonial tiki god of water statue for my zombie ritual we would do that night."

Harvey had to smile at that. Lilo reminded him of all those innocent days when he too was nothing less than a quirky little kid trying to survive his own world.

Penguin seemed insulted that he was being ignored. He poured himself a cup of tea as he greeted the child. "It's nice to see you again, young lady." He said in his nasally voice. He didn't sound sincere.

"It's nice to see you too, Mr. Penguin." Harvey was almost surprised when she actually sounded pleased. The last time they'd met, Penguin had been rather rude to her. And yet she used the same glee she'd shown the mangled one of them.

Penguin didn't seem affected by this treatment. He went on in his snooty voice. "Tell us, how are you fairing with the Joker and his… ahem… lady (if I'm to use the term loosely)?"

"It's tolerable. They haven't tied me up somewhere and left me to rot at least."

Penguin snorted. "Do not assume that they won't."

"I haven't. I'm completely aware of the possibilities that could occur."

"And yet you still shock us with your leisure." Penguin sounded leery quite suddenly. "It's rather suspicious how completely cool you are when most, adults and children alike, would be eager to escape at each and every opportunity… unless you are a spy. Then it would not be surprising at all."

Harvey retracted. He hadn't even thought of that. What if the kid was a spy? He'd been so caught up with her smiles, which just seemed to sweep one away, that he hadn't even considered the causes for this. Sure he'd been curious about her level head with the whole situation, but he hadn't pressed too much on it. She was just a kid after all. But then again Robin was just a kid too.

Lilo's face hardened and she stiffened till she sat up straight and tall. It was so much different from her otherwise cheery laidback disposition, it was like seeing a darker side of the little girl. Her voice reflected as much. "Believe me, Mr. Penguin, it was not my intention to stumble onto the hideout of a complete psychopathic killer, nor to be kidnapped by him and, in the process, put a precious baby in harms way. You think I'm not worried, sir, but I am very worried. So much so, it's amazing that I don't break down this very minute and retreat inside myself with fear." Her face contorted in despair for the briefest moment. The animal around her neck nuzzled her face comfortingly. "I've felt like doing that many times already, but that would not help anyone, least of all me. I know these kinds of predators. I've analyzed their personalities countless times and planned my escape with the greatest care.

"If I show even the slightest worry now, it's over for me. People like Mr. Joker love the taste of fear. It's like a drug to them. They can't suppress their own longing for more and they'll use whatever force they can think of to get that sensation of power over another. The only way to beat it is to resist it the very first moment you're faced with it. So I refuse to give into that because it's not just my life I'm gambling here. The choices… the reactions I make towards this situation will affect my family and friends just as strongly as it will with me.

"Spy? You call me a spy?" She chuckled grimly. "I could honestly care less where you go to associate and gamble your stolen goods away. Criminals are people too, and who am I to say you can't spend your down time the way you want. It's a free country after all. I don't agree with how you earn a living, but I'm not intending to turn you in like some little tattletale. Even your vengeance on your adversaries is no business of mine. Your enemies, Batman and his followers, are yours to deal with. I have some of my own after all, which I must face alone time and again. However, my first concern must always be for the welfare of innocents who may be caught in the crossfire. If that were the case here, then it wouldn't take much to loosen my lips. But it would never be a liability so long and the victim was always released within twenty-four hours, unharmed and just as they were _before_ apprehended."

Penguin looked apalled. "Are you threatening us, little girl?"

Lilo sighed wearily, as if the conversation were taking a lot out of her. "I would never threaten you, sir. I am no criminal or a politician, though I must say there isn't much of a difference between the two."

Harvey chuckled slightly. "Indeed." Being an ex-lawyer, he was all too familiar with the games he had to play in that world of high society.

Lilo smiled a little when he did. "I only wish for the security of life, which is all very precious whether it is a newborn infant or the guiltiest convict. I don't expect you to share in my beliefs. You were raised very differently from me after all." Her face got sad rather suddenly. "And I am very young, to my greatest regret. So I still have much to learn about the world."

The two men exchanged glances. Was this kid for real? A moment ago she'd been nothing but an everyday little kid, ignorant and blissful from the troubles around her. Yet now she demonstrated just how much she was truly aware of the world and its problems. She spoke as if she were a lawyer or some respectable representative for a different people entirely.

Without outright saying it, she'd made a proposition with the two men. Two Face understood what she was negotiating. She would always keep their secret so long as they did not harm innocent lives. Part of him, the worse half, was outraged. Who did the little brat think she was, blackmailing them like that? Then again on his other more understanding half, couldn't blame her. It was a reasonable enough deal. She'd stated her personal value on life in general. She viewed them all as important, even criminals like them.

"Your sweet sentiments might get you killed someday." Penguin sneered sipping his tea.

Lilo only smiled. "Well then, least I will still die strong for my own beliefs. What would you die for?"

That caught Two Face a little off guard and it looked like Penguin had the same reaction. What _would_ he die for? His ambitions? His revenge? He never really thought about it before. He knew what he would live for, but what would he die for? What was _worth_ dying for?

"It seems you've got me on that one." Two Face said. Then he smiled on both sides. "It would seem you've proposed a reasonable deal. And you've also proven yourself more intelligent than you let on to believe. Very well, I'll make you a compromise. If you prove to be a good lucky charm and I'm able to win back all that I lost and more in this round, then from this moment on, no innocent victims of _mine_ will ever fall under any harm… so long as they do not attempt to interfere with my plans." He added quickly.

The girl looked surprised. "And you'll let all of them go within twenty-four hours?"

"It depends upon the situation." Harvey said honestly. "But they will always be released within the soonest opportunity."

Lilo wouldn't get a better deal than that. She couldn't possibly expect him to not wage war upon heroes such as Batman or the Gotham police department, but she could at least make sure all the ordinary citizens were safe from one more criminal on the streets.

She beamed her biggest, purest smile. "Deal! And we will win by the way."

"Lets hope so."

They placed their bets and the cards were dealt.

"Twenty!" Penguin said excitedly.

"HA! Twenty one!" Two Face cried slapping down a nine, a king, and a two. Lilo cheered delightfully, then she caught the look on Penguin's face and sobered.

She gave him a pitying smile. "Sorry about your money, Mr. Penguin."

At first he looked angry, then it calmed into one of understanding. He waved her apology off. "It is alright. I suppose I deserved that anyways. Only a fool would gamble everything a second time. But the next time we play, _you_ will pose as _my_ lucky charm."

She laughed. "Okay. Deal."

"Lilo!" She jumped when she felt Harley's hand on her shoulder. The woman was grinning from ear to ear. "Come with me. I want to introduce you to someone."

The girl smiled politely to the two men. "Please excuse me, gentlemen."

Harley had a hold on to her hand as she steered her towards the back end of the room where a beautiful woman was having a drink. She was curvy, with a tight green leafy outfit, and long red hair. "Ivy," Harley sang, waving happily to the woman. "This is the girl I was telling you about. This is Lilo."

Ivy smiled, showing off her plump glossy red lips. "Hello. So you're the little girl staying with my girl Harley and her... jerk."

"Hey!"

Something in Lilo's head clicked when she recognized the name and the leafy outfit the woman sported. "Ivy? Hey you wouldn't happen to be Poison Ivy would you? Also known as Pamela Lillian Isley?"

The woman looked at Harley who shrugged with how the girl could know that right off the bat.

"Yes. That's me."

The girl's face lit up. "Wow! I read about you in a medical journal. Is it true that you're able to control plants with your mind and can manipulate the growth speed and size of simple flowers like a rose?"

Ivy looked surprised. Harley chuckled at her expression. "She even knew more about me than she did about Mr. J."

Ivy laughed at that. "I bet that ticked him off."

"He _was_ really mad." Lilo announced sneaking a glance over at the pale man who was shouting at a terrified bartender about where to find the Mad Hatter. "I couldn't even remember his name at first. I was under the impression that Harley was a more popular villain with Batman than he was. I guess he's just disappointed that his reputation doesn't stretch as far as he'd hoped."

That made Ivy laugh even harder. "Oh I wish I could've been there to see his face. Now that would've made me smile."

"So about your abilities with plant life…" Lilo persisted.

Ivy smiled. It wasn't much of a secret. Batman knew more about her than she would've liked. "Yes, I do hold a certain talent over plants, which include immunity to toxins, poisons, and viruses as well as telepathic control."

"My uncle Jumba is fascinated by how you were able to mutate your blood into chlorophyll. He says that in order to naturally transform an animal gene to imitate plant life takes nearly an entire millennia. That in mind, he says that it would take the entire process of life, evolving from single celled organisms, to repeat all over again. He's studied some on the botanist while he was creating Sprout."

"Sprout?"

Lilo blushed. Oops! She shouldn't have mentioned the experiment. She'd been so excited about meeting a woman with supernatural abilities over plants, that she hadn't even bothered to censor her choice of words. But now that she'd mentioned it, she'd have to explain. "Um… Sprout is the giant orchid that lives in the water tower I have back home. I raised him in two days."

She was shocked when the woman actually believed her. "Really? I've done some experiments of my own with animalistic plants. I can modify nearly any form of hydrosols I wish to. Tell me," the woman was interested as she leaned over the counter with her hands propping her chin up, "from what species does your sprout originate from."

"It's an altered form of a Venus fly trap."

"I often use alterations of Venus fly traps as well. Is your—," She never finished her sentence for at that moment the furious voice of Joker was heard all throughout the bar.

"HATTER! You filthy body of stolen organs!" The prince of pranks shouted at a man dressed finely in a blue top hat and coat. He had a big set of teeth and an even bigger nose. Lilo thought he looked precisely like the fairy tale character she'd always admired in the old story. His grin was almost as bright as Joker's usual smile. Course now it was as if the man had never even told a joker before in his life.

Gosh did he look mad! It was like an alternate dimension to see Joker without his smile.

"Why, Joker, so nice to see you." Hatter crooned with a toothy grin. "Word is you need to chat with me. So… what might the business be about?"

Their conversation was attracting a crowd. Every pair of eyes in the room was on the two men. It seemed that both enjoyed the attention and didn't attempt to lower their voices.

"You know right as rain what the business is about!" The man bellowed, spitting a little in Hatter's face. "MY DOOKIE! Where is it?"

Lilo along with a dozen other people in the room sniggered when he'd said this. He turned on the spot and the look of pure hostility in his eyes made everyone go silent instantly. Puka gripped tightly around Lilo's neck for protection at such a scary sight.

He turned back to his rival and punched a finger into his face. "I've got a score to settle with. Now where is it?"

Hatter brushed his finger off, but otherwise didn't look offended. "My dear man, it appears this time I've got the upper hand. I'm not in a disposition to give you what you want. And if you were to kill me now you'd never find out where I've hidden it."

Lilo almost couldn't believe this. "You, sir, are a disgrace!" She'd blurted it out before she could stop herself.

Everyone in the room looked at her. With the dozen's of stares fixed intently on her, her face became very red all of a sudden.

Hatter smirked. "Who's that, Jokes? Another of your minions?"

Now Lilo was red mostly with anger. "You call yourself the Mad Hatter? Step aside." She pushed her way forward till she was face to face with the man in the big top hat. She puffed up trying to look braver than she really felt. "My favorite fairy tale character has been the Mad Hatter since before I entered school and all I can say, sir, is that you tarnish the name." The man sputtered and recoiled at the insult. She continued before he could say anything though. "Ever since I'd read the story I'd been under the impression that the Mad Hatter was a timeless figure that was meant to inspire people to think outside of the box of reality. But all I can say is that, meeting you face to face at last, well… I'm disappointed. I can't believe you're nothing but a common thief after all."

Hatter looked furious. "You think that you can insult me like that, little girl? Joker's stolen more things from me than I can count. Why should I be honorable if he isn't?"

"Well cause you're a better person than the Joker."

"Hey!"

She didn't even look towards the Joker's expression. "What? Even you know it's true."

"You want me to fight Joker one on one, just so he could get back what I took fair and square. Why should I give it back? Any fight with him would just be a waist of my time."

"But it's clear you don't hold the same value towards it that he does. Give us another proposition. What do you want?"

The Hatter smiled, then it faltered suddenly. He leaned in blinking at her as if noticing something about her face he hadn't seen before. Lilo felt awkward under his glance. She could almost see the wheels spinning in his head as his mind struck and idea… and she had a feeling it wouldn't be good. He ran up to her and grabbed her hands affectionately in his own.

"I got it! If I win will you marry me?"

"Uh say what?"

There were sharp gasps all through the bar. No one had been expecting _that_!

"That's what I want." Hatter declared grinning even brighter than he'd done with Joker.

"You don't even know my name!" Lilo screeched, clearly horrified that he would ask her _that_. _How old was this dinosaur anyways?_

"So."

"Puddin!" Harley cried with horror. She looked like she was about to cry. "Our little girl!"

"Quiet Harley!"

"I'm not accepting anything else." Hatter said squeezing her hands lovingly. "Well, how bout it?"

"Fine with me!" Lilo hissed tearing her hands away and wiping them on her shirt. "And if Joker beats you, you have to give back whatever you stole from him!"

"Don't do it, Lilo!" Two Face and Poison Ivy said together as one.

"SILENCE!" Joker shouted. He strutted forward; a look in his eye Lilo couldn't quite place. "Ahem Lilo are you sure you want to do this?"

The girl's eyebrow rose at his remark. "You should be asking yourself that. You're the one whose fighting him to get your… uh… whatever back, you know."

"Oh right." He pushed Lilo aside and faced Hatter boldly. "FINE! I'll fight you and you'd better give me my dookie back when I've beaten you fair and square."

"Very well." Then he sniggered. "I can't believe you call it that." Hatter held out his hand for a shake. "It seems we've reached and accord. If we're both satisfied we should shake hands."

Rather than touching his filthy hand, Joker spat in the man's palm. "Forget it. I like to keep my gloves clean."

For the briefest moment, Hatter looked furious. Then he smiled and took out a hanky to wipe the spit from his glove. "Now the question that remains is where should we meet?

Joker thought about it. "Let's say tomorrow at the abandoned refinery."

"Oh no, Joker. We're not having a dual in any place you previously stayed in. I don't want to fall into one of your booby traps. How about we have this meeting at the old arena? Say 9:00 am?"

Joker huffed. "Sounds good to me."

"Yeah!" Two Face shouted to the crowd, cutting in on the conversation. "And since Lilo's doing such an honorable thing, my gang'll host."

"Hey we who said you're hosting!" One man from the Riddler's gang shouted. "We want to host too."

The bar was getting angsty and very crowded all of a sudden. Apparently the news of the two villains' argument had moved quickly. Lilo could've sworn there hadn't been this many occupants in the building a few minutes ago.

Hatter smirked knowingly. "Well I'll see you tomorrow, Joker. Bright and early! You'd better go home and start preparing."

"I'll go home when I'm good and ready!" Joker said. He stood there for a moment not doing much of anything really. Then he turned and walked away towards the door. "And right now I'm good and ready. Something in here stinks."

Harley grabbed Lilo's hand and followed her boyfriend out the door with their men taking up the rear. They piled into the car with Joker taking the driver's side. He didn't start it right away though. He seemed stressed as he glared out the windshield.

His voice was low and Lilo could somehow tell he was talking to her. "What on earth possessed you…" he turned in his seat to face her and she could see the outrage outlined in every pasty detail of his face, "TO MAKE THAT DEAL!"

"Well I'm sorry. I was just—"

"Just what? Trying to help?"

"Yes! Because that's what I do. I help people" Her voice lowered and she looked away when she added the last part. "Even you. It's like my job."

He scoffed turning in his seat as he started the engine. "Pff. I don't need help. Especially not from little girls."

Lilo sighed. "I guess I shouldn't have intervened. You had things under control I suppose. Now it looks like I'm stuck in this just as much as you are."

Harley turned in her seat, her look was aghast. "You're not actually going to go through with it, are you?"

Lilo suddenly found her fingers very interesting. "Well… yes I am. I mean… I don't want to—I definitely don't want to." Lilo squirmed at the prospect of getting married to a crow like the Hatter. Marriage in general appalled her. She hadn't wanted to get married until she was about twenty-five; just enough time for her to finish college and start a career. She'd fantasized before (as most girls sometimes do) about what her wedding day would someday be like. She imagined all her friends and family present, human and alien alike, smiling and wishing her congratulations. She would've liked to have the procession in their back yard or on a cliff overlooking the ocean. When she thought about the groom, she pictured a handsome young man near her own age with a trim yet broad physique; someone who more or less resembled Keoni, the boy she'd been crushed out over since about third grade. He needed to have lots of things in common with her; he had to know how to dance, he had to like monster movies, had to like Elvis, had to know how to surf and most important of all he had to like her family and her family had to like him.

She groaned. Hatter didn't meet any of those requirements. "I don't want to, but I have to because… I said I would. I have just as much of a reputation to uphold as you do, you know."

"So you're a girl of your word, are you?"

"Unfortunately." She growled, folding her arms and staring out the window. "And I don't intend to tarnish that status just because I don't like the man. But to be truly honest, I really don't think I have much to worry about." There was a slight smile in her words.

Joker was confused. "What makes you think that?"

"Well because I already know you're not going to loose. If not for me, which I know you're not doing this for, then you're doing it to protect your own honor."

Joker started laughing. It was so unexpected that everyone in the car jumped. It shouldn't have seemed strange for a clown like him, but he'd been so serious a moment ago it had seemed so out of the blue. "Honor, HAHAHAHAHAH! That's a laugh. Everyone knows I don't have any honor to speak of."

"Yes you do." The girl stated matter-of-factly. "Your honor as the clown prince of crime and Batman's greatest adversary. So far he's the only who can beat you. If you lost tomorrow with a pushover like the Hatter… well then that would just be embarrassing. It's bad enough you can't manage to foil Batman, but if you actually lost to the Hatter, people would start thinking you were easy. Years to build and only seconds to destroy after all."

"DAMN! I hate it when people make sense!" Joker pounded the wheel with fury when he saw the logic to her argument. He'd been planning to loose on purpose, just to teach Lilo a lesson. But now with her words, there was no way he could let that happen. Jervis was a nothing. A noob, a bozo, an unimaginative, unoriginal patsy. If Joker lost to someone that pathetic, then people would think he was easy. He'd be the laughing stock of the of Gotham's underworld (and not in a good way). It wasn't so much as what she said… well actually it had everything to do with what she said! As well as how she said it. Man that girl was annoying. He dearly wished he really could loose, just so he could let Jervis take the brat off his hands.

He muttered lowly under his breath so that no one would be able to hear him. "Maybe I ought to just drown you in the river and be done with it, meddling little snot."

* * *

**Just a heads up this'll probably be the last time I post for a while now. There are some things in my life I have to sort out for the moment and I really just need to take a break from the whole fanfiction. Gah! March is such a horrible month!**

**On another note, if you read the thirteenth chapter before, sorry to tell you it was a mistake and I accidentally posted it without editing it. The first time had an additional scene with Zim in it and I just wanted to tell you that I didn't mean to put it in there. I was just trying something out and needed a place to put it for the momet. Sorry for disapointing all you Zim fans but he won't be apearing for another few chapters. I'm really sorry about that.**

**Thanks for reviewing :)**


	17. Dumped

**Chapter 17**  
**Dumped**

"You should get some sleep."

Dib's head snapped up suddenly. He'd been slumping further and further into the seat but he'd been reluctant to even close his eyes for more than a second. Stitch was fighting it too. Neither wanted to fall asleep while their friends were in trouble. So they'd settled to staring blankly into space, thinking about sleeping, but resisting it. So when Batman's voice broke through the silence in their brains they both snapped up at the same time.

"Not tired." Stitch said quickly.

Batman's voice was soft but it was still stern at the same time. "How do you plan on rescuing your friend if you're too exhausted to fight when trouble arrives?"

Dib didn't like the fact that the man had a point. He wanted to stay awake, to show that he couldn't let something so trivial as sleep slow him down and make him forget for one second about Lilo. He wanted to be faithful to her. And he got the feeling that Stitch wanted the same.

"We're not…" Dib began, but from the shadows under his eyes, he was _definitely_ tired. Silently Batman leaned over and flicked one of the many switches on a button panel. A screen appeared in front of them the next minute flickering a blue and white swirl.

_Ah great_! Dib thought as Stitch started to nod off. _A hypnotic scree—een…_

* * *

His eyes peeled open and Dib found himself gazing up into the canopy of a large bed. Surprised, Dib sat up and looked around himself, expecting to find the batcave. His vision was blurry without his glasses. He felt around and found them set out for him on a bedside table. When he replaced them over his eyes again, what he found instead was a nice, huge room decked out for guests. What he could tell, was that whoever owned this place was rich. Now Dib was really confused.

He looked over and saw his trench coat hanging over a chair by a desk. His black leather boots had been removed and were placed by the side of the bed he was on.

"What the?" He said to himself as he gawked at this nice, pristine room. "What happened? Were we attacked? Was I captured? Who the heck owns this place? And where's Stitch?" He looked over and spotted the blue alien sleeping like a rock on the pillow next to him. His fur had been washed of that gunk from the blob monster the night before and now he lay curled up and snoring with his mouth wide open. Dib didn't want to wake his friend up, especially since the little guy hadn't had an ounce of sleep since Lilo was taken, but he really needed to sort this mystery out.

"Stitch. Hey Stitch." Dib said shaking his friend softly. The alien's black eyes opened slightly and focused on the pale boy above him.

"What?"

"Where are we? I just woke up here and we're both in this weird room and I don't know whom it belongs to or anything."

Stitch rolled over, annoyed that the boy was bothering him at this hour. "We're in Batman's mansion." He mumbled into his pillow, trying to get in a few more moments of precious sleep.

"He has a mansion?" There's something Dib didn't know. "I thought he just lived in the batcave. He's a vampire after all."

Stitch shook his head. "Nagga. Batman no vampire."

"What? He's not a vampire?" Dib just couldn't believe it. "But all the research we did. All the information the Swollen Eyeballs gave me. Are you telling me he isn't real?"

"Nagga. Batman real, he just not a vampire."

"Well then who is he?" Stitch opened his mouth to answer but before he could say anything the door opened. With that tiny noise Dib's senses were on full alert now. He jumped out of the bed, getting into a fighting stance without entirely knowing what to expect. He just predicted that it would be… something… dangerous. Stitch looked annoyed at the boy. When the person entered the room it was the last thing Dib had been expecting.

"Good morning, master Dib and Stitch. Did you sleep well?" Standing in the doorway was a man dressed finely in a black suit and bowtie. He was tall and bald other than a thin bit of white hair and a black moustache. Dib assumed this must've been a butler. The man strode in, fresh as a daisy and set a tray filled with breakfast food and coffee on the desk. "I've made your breakfast for this morning; poached eggs and salmon with bagels and muffins. And you have your choice of coffee, tea, or juice to drink. Which would you prefer?"

Neither Dib nor Stitch answered his question but stared at the man as if he were green with brain probes jutting out of his skull and iron hands that shot lasers. "Say what?" Stitch said raising an eyebrow.

"Who are you?" Dib demanded, ignoring the question like Stitch had done.

"Oh forgive me." The man said straitening up. "I am Alfred, Master Bruce's butler. He asked me to assist you while he was in town today."

"Bruce? Wait a minute." Dib's eyes nearly popped out of his head as he added two and two together. "Bruce Wayne is BATMAN?"

The butler laughed. "Oh no, young man. Master Bruce is just a close friend. He is in no way a man who spends his nights tirelessly wondering the city in search of these… how do you say, theater criminals?"

"Well then why are we here?"

"Sir Batman, thought that a good night's sleep was in order so he contacted Master Bruce and asked if he would be so kind as to lend you one of his rooms for the night."

"So where is Batman right now?"

"Off on the hunt I believe. He and the rest received an urgent message from Commissioner Gordon concerning the whereabouts of your friend."

"And he dumped us here? He didn't even think to tell us they might have found her?"

"Well since you refused to go back to the hotel where your friends were at, he didn't know where else to take you."

"Take us back to the batcave of course." Dib sputtered throwing out his hands in exasperation. "We were fine enough there. Why'd he take us to the home of a complete stranger?"

The butler looked uneasy. "Forgive me, sir, but perhaps I am not the one to answer that question for you. I'll leave you to you meal and come back when you're ready for me." Without another word, he left the room, closing the door softly behind him.

Dib fumed. "Well this is just great. We're stuck here and Lilo is stuck… out there somewhere."

Stitch shrugged getting up out of bed and walking over to the desk. He filled himself a plate and began eating tiredly. Dib studied him for a moment. He looked beat, almost even defeated in a way, and seemed to be chewing on the food without really tasting any of it. Dib sighed. There wasn't much of anything that they could do at the moment so the boy sat down with Stitch and fixed himself a plate of food and brought out his laptop.

"Well I guess since there's nothing else much to do here, I could contact the Swollen Eyeballs and see if they've found out anything yet."

Stitch didn't respond to that but continued to shovel food into his mouth as he leaned his head tiredly on his fist. Dib clicked his computer on and there was an instant response. A dark male figure with a glowing red visor over his eyes and a square-shaped head appeared on his screen. The dark shape of a bird perched on the agent's shoulder. "Agent Disembodied Head!" Did announced recognizing the man instantly.

"Agent Mothman," the man said in an ominous croaky voice. "One of our agents living in the Gotham limits received a very interesting tip-off from the underworld of that area. It seems that there will be a dual between two of the most notorious villains in history."

"Okay… great to know but what does that have to do with our problem?"

"Quite a bit actually. Some old adversaries of Batman are fighting one on one there. I believe one of them will be the Mad Hatter and his competition is none other than the Joker himself."

Stitch suddenly perked all the way up. "The Joker!" he and Dib cried together as one.

"And that's not the only surprise," the agent continued, making his bird jerk up when he moved suddenly. "It appears that the two will be placing bets on this dual. One of them is a mysterious item that the Hatter seemed to have stolen from the Joker."

"Well what's the other?"

"I believe the Hatter has demanded his prize to be Joker's hostage. A young girl of South Pacific decent if I'm correct. I can only assume that this is your friend you were telling us about."

"He wants Lilo?"

"Indeed. He requested that if he wins then she would have to marry him."

"WHAT? MARRY HIM? AN EVIL CRAZY SUPER VILLAIN!" Dib's heart seemed to stop for a moment and his face went a pale shade of green. He was so upset about this that he began babbling. "Wha—aba—ne! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! This can't be right! What did she say?"

"From what I've been told, she accepted."

Dib began babbling again. "Wha—ne—I—pim—NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY IN MEEKROB DID SHE DO THAT FOR?"

Disembodied Head's visor narrowed slightly "…I'm not sure."

"Where are they fighting and when?" Dib grabbed the sides of the screen shaking it desperately. "HOW CAN WE SAVE LILO?"

"Agent Mothman, you're becoming hysterical."

"I am, aren't I?"

There was a slight pause as Dib took the opportunity to calm down a bit. When he was at last composed, the older Agent continued. "I believe they will be dueling tonight in the old arena outside of town. There's quite a crowd of people going, by my perspective. The only way you'll be able to breach that place is if you've been arrested sometime in your life and have proof of it."

Dib's face brightened as he punched his hand into the air with triumph. "I _HAVE_ BEEN ARESTED! AND I _DO_ HAVE PROOF OF BOTH TIMES!"

"Misdemeanors do not count in this instant, Agent Mothman."

Dib's face deflated and his hand wilted to the ground. "Awe man!"

"Yes I apologize for the inconvenience but I'm afraid only felonies will be accepted in this situation. However, due to the fact that the network has several falsifiers in our circle, it would not be too difficult to merely forge some documents pertaining your arrests to include, say a robbery or something of the sort. And since your companion already has a record of… ahem… unlawful activity, it should not be too difficult for you both to infiltrate the defenses."

Stitch growled low in the back of his throat. He hated to be remained of his life before he came to Earth. He hated being reminded of "the bad times" without Lilo, without ohana, without love. He didn't want to go back to those times even for a second. The nightmares he use to have while he was malfunctioning had sometimes kept him up long hours of the night, fearing to go back to sleep again. He didn't want to ever go back to the days when people saw him as nothing more than a monster. For his best friend though, he would do it. He'd go back to the creature that was spawned from evil ideals and make people fear once more.

Dib saw his expression and guessed what he was thinking. "If Batman's too busy for this, well that's fine with us. It looks like we'll have to do this ourselves, Stitch. You up for it?"

Stitch glared, gnawing on a spoon. "Of course."

Disembodied Head nodded. "You have done well agent Mothman. If what you've told us is true, then the importance the little girl is to the planet concerns everyone in the Swollen Eyeball Agency. We will send another agent in separately and he will assist you in whatever way you need."

"Wait how will we know it's him?"

"You'll know. Oh believe me you'll know. P.S. if you don't want someone to catch on to you two, I would suggest you get a disguise, as well as some pseudonyms, especially your friend there. Not many people are named Stitch after all and if she's mentioned him at all, your cover will be blown before you even reach the entrance."


	18. Plans and Secrets

**Chapter 18**  
**Plans and Secrets**

The arena was a buzz of commotion. The news of a fight had traveled fast in Gotham's underworld, and when they'd heard that the fight would be Hatter against none other than the Joker, the crowds had gathered in the hundreds to whiteness it.

It had been rather rainy when they got into the car that morning, and Lilo had been able to find a green raincoat and a white bucket hat to shield herself from the elements.

Now Lilo stood with Harley, Joker, and the rest, gawking at the amount of people packed into the stadium, which now seemed tiny compared to the populace. She wondered if there were even this many people on their tiny island. Her town alone only had about twelve hundred people, but that was only without the six hundred twenty six experiments.

Everywhere they looked, there were people crowded to buy concessions, making bets on the likely winner, and rushing to find a good seat. People were even wearing what appeared to be Joker masks and big top hats to support their favorite to win the dual. Lilo had to chuckle a bit at the ridiculousness of it all.

Joker smiled. He liked attention and this was getting to be impressive. "Hmm. Quite a party we have going on here."

Lilo could hardly believe the assortment of people in here. Apart from the ordinary looking people, there were numerous characters dressed in strange yet fascinating costumes that looked like they could've come strait from a circus or even a comic book. Lilo's eye caught on a huge man who wore a pro wrestling mask with tubes sticking in his head and pumping some sort of green slime into his brain.

"Are all these people super villains?" She asked with amazement. How could the police department fight so many foes?

"Some," Harley answered from behind her. "Otha's are just wearing threatenin' costumes to try and blend in with the crowd. You've got all kinds of folks in 'ere. Gamblers, smugglers, hired gunmen, con artists. Every low life and dirt bag of the Gotham's underworld could be down here for all we know. Could've sworn I even saw Rupert Thorn in here somewhere."

"I thought he was in Jail." Rocco muttered, scratching his chin.

"Lots of people thought I was in jail a few days ago too, Rocco my man." Joker laughed. They strolled along the crowd. Lilo glanced over at the betting tables and saw bills of cold hard cash poring in by the barrel full. One of Riddler's gang members grinned from ear to ear at the amount of bills that were coming in. She was able catch a few sentences coming off of the betting tables where a number of men and a few women were gambling on the likely victor.

"Man this is great, we should convince them to do this every month."

"All my money is going on the Joker."

"Hatter wouldn't dare cross clown boy if he didn't know he'd win. I'm betting on Jervis."

"Joker all the way!"

"Well I hate him, but there's no way Hatter can beat Joker. 100 on the clown."

There were so many people scrambling to place their bets that the money was rolling in by the wagon full. Some people spotted Joker as he was walking by and took the opportunity to shout out their approval along with their dislike.

"Hey Joker I've got all my money on you."

"You'd better win this, clown boy."

"Hatter's going to wipe the floor with your carcass, you jerk."

"I'm filming this all on tape so I'll always remember today as the day you meet your match."

There were some other phrases spoken during this time that the author does not wish to repeat in this PG telling of the story. Nor does Lilo ever want to recollect. We will merely say that, at this time, a few unknown individuals called the Joker a few very inappropriate names.

"Looks like you have a few admirers." Lilo commented sarcastically, staring behind her as the group filed past.

"Ha, their just angry because I'll always be a better crook than they are."

Lilo was worried by the sound of their threats. Some even sounded as if they'd like to give him a bullet bath. Then a horrible thought entered her mind. "Could they try to kill you, sir? On stage? It would be a perfect chance for them to get even. I mean there's hundreds of people in the stands and you have enough enemies for them all to have their own social security numbers."

Joker looked down, surprised that her voice sounded as if she cared. "Am I to assume that you're worried about me? Your very own kidnapper?"

"Well yeah actually. I may not like you, but I don't hate you enough that I'd wish you to get hurt."

That surprised Joker more than he'd thought it would. Why should she care about him? That's not usually how it worked. She didn't want him to get killed but she didn't want him to get hurt either? Once the shock wore off, Joker laughed. "Thanks for the sentiments, kid. You keep that up and you could get yourself killed someday."

She glared. "Mr. Penguin said as much."

They walked into the arena and Lilo's mouth dropped at the sight of it. There was a giant labyrinth right on the floor of the stadium. It wasn't like a normal maze. There were bridges, pits, underground tunnels, ice ridges; she could even see the makings of what appeared to be booby traps. It was so detailed and so diverse that she couldn't even guess where the end could possibly be.

Would the two men have to find their way through that?

Joker saw her awe. "Impressive, isn't it? And would you believe it took only a single night to grow that."

"But that's not possible with the limited technology and resources available to this society." Lilo stated quickly. "Unless… did Ivy do that?"

"Yup!" Harley chirped hopping up from behind. Her hand swept over the field as she pointed to the separate and definite regions. She went on to explain where each area came from and who supplied the materials. "Red did all of the shrubs just last night. And Frost Freeze did the whole ice wall over there. And Mr. Riddler supplied the booby traps as well as a number of other boys."

"Booby traps? I thought you were going to have a dual."

"We will…" Joker said smiling. "If we happen to run into each other."

She looked back and studied the spectacular maze. It seemed strange that they would rather go to all this trouble than simply set up a boxing ring and watch them both beat the crap out of one another. Yet when she thought of the two doing something like that, it seemed so… for lack of a better term, barbaric. She looked at Mr. Joker and his seemingly suave disposition. She knew that under the illusion of his purple tux and green waistcoat, he was nothing more than a diabolical crazy-head thug.

"So this is more of a show rather than a real fight." She answered looking Joker in the eye. "Normally, people would just set up a ring and carry on beating the living snot out of their enemy. Why go to all this trouble unless you were just trying to catch attention? And if you did that… then you must have something hidden under your sleeve."

He smiled throwing up his hands in mock surrender. "Ah, so you've caught me, have you? You're pretty sharp kid. Did you really figure all that out by yourself?"

"Well no one could've told me in the last three seconds."

"No, I suppose, not. Now I guess I should be surprised, yet somehow you've quite surprising me." He leaned in, making his voice hushed. "I don't suppose your going to say anything, are you? After all if anything goes wrong today, it's your neck getting hooked—or should I say 'hitched'."

Lilo glared. "And you just remember, if you loose, it's your reputation you'll destroy, not mine."

Joker straitened anger flashing across his face for the briefest moment. Then he smiled. "You certainly know how to play your cards don't you. Someday you may become my ace."

She wasn't quite sure what he meant by that. And to be completely honest, she hoped she would never find out.

* * *

Across the room, Hatter grinned just as Joker had done when he saw the crowd. "Perfect," he announced putting his hands on his hips proudly, "not only will I be getting a wife but I'll be getting even more famous."

A timid man carrying a ventriloquist dummy stood beside the Hatter. From the frightened look on his face any idiot could easily tell he definitely did not want to be there. The little wooden doll in his arms was fearsome, sporting a miniature gang boss suit and a long angry scar on the right cheek. The timid man spoke. "Um, Mr. Hatter."

Hatter turned smiling at the unusual pair. "Ah Scarface. Good to see you." He spoke softly as if wary that someone could pop up beside them any minute. "Did you do what I asked?"

The dummy's mouth moved up and down yet the man carrying him was completely quiet. To anyone it appeared that the doll had a complete mind of his own, and really it almost did. "Yeah, Mr. Hat. S'all done just like ya said. The poison's in place as is the rest of the items and ya'll have a free shot at the clown man just like we planned. And speak of the devil..."

They spotted the Joker and his gang coming into the arena at that very minute. Scarface's eyes swiveled over to the kid walking beside Harley. "So _that's_ the girl huh?" He studied her with interest. For as far away as she was he could still distinguish the almond shaped brown eyes, tanned skin, and straight shiny black hair even under the bucket hat. "Pretty cute, though don't you think she's a little young?"

"She'll get older."

Scarface had to admit that once the kid grew up a bit, she would certainly be stunning. Hatter's taste in women was a little questionable even still. He almost pitied the kid. Oh well, better her than him.

* * *

"Everything is in place, sir. Just liked you told us." Rocco muttered to his boss.

"Perfect." Joker said. "Even if I have to fight dirty, there's no way I'm letting Mr. Hat take my reputation."

Rocco looked uncertain. "If you don't mind me asking, sir, but what if Hatter's planning the same thing?"

"Well we won't really know until that time, now will we? Although," he reached into his pocket knowingly and withdrew a small vial of green liquid. Poison, Rocco realized as his boss twirled it through his fingers laxly as he continued with a wicked smile, "it is always a good idea to have a back up strategy."

* * *

Dib and Stitch stood by each other quietly.

They were outside the arena at that very moment surrounded by shady looking people, who kept their faces covered at all times. A huge man spoke to them at the entrance. He looked scary with all that muscle and Dib was more than certain no tank on earth would be able to stop him if he ever went on a rampage. He was stopping people at the door, like any guard at some popular club. People handed him papers, proving of their arrests and the many dangerous activities they'd helped achieve.

They'd escaped earlier that morning by way of through one of the windows in the fancy guest room. Dib still had the hovercraft, which he'd been able to tuck safely in his pocket thanks to the help of the shrink ray they'd used a few nights ago. It was almost sad how easy it'd been. He'll feel bad for Alfred later when he would discover his guests missing and start to worry about what'd happened to the two kids.

After they left they'd been able to stop at a costume shop and _borrow_ a few items in which to disguise themselves; quite well too if Dib could say so himself. He was dressed in a red trench coat like his black one. But instead of his flawless leather coat, which looked more secret agent or spy, this one looked totally badass. There were buckles and chains and stitched rips all over this thing. In replacement of his normal leather flat boots, he'd gotten big red calf boots with buckles and ties and chains that matched his coat. His pants were black with more pockets and chains than a soldier's backpack and he wore a black shirt which was worn and frayed despite the fact that it was brand new. By the time this was all over, he had more "bling" on him than a jewelry store. He'd have to make sure to stay off any boats.

Along with his attire, he'd also changed his facial features to include more scares and stitches on him than Frankenstein even had. He'd also given himself an eye patch under his glasses and whipped his hair to fall in front of his face like a spiky emo. By the time he was finished, not even Stitch recognized the boy. Dib couldn't argue. When he looked into the mirror he didn't even recognize himself. He'd gone from being a paranormal researcher to a don't-mess-with-me punk. He even looked kinda scary.

Stitch wasn't much different. When they were talking about disguises, they'd decided to dye his fur blond. The combination of the yellow coloring and his natural blue fur resulted in the alien turning an acid green shade. Stitch said it was better than what they'd planned. Now he looked like some mutated green dog lizard, thing. With his fur they also applied fake scars and even some fake piercings in his spade shaped ears.

"Wow!" Dib said when they were done. They both stared into a reflection cast off a window display in Gotham. It was almost scary how different they looked now. "We look… badass!"

Stitch nodded, awed by how dangerous he could end up looking. Now he looked like he would tear anyone's head off if they messed with him. It did not suit him. Would Lilo even recognize them? And what about the agent? Would he even tell it was them?

Now they stood, waiting impatiently to get inside as the line slowly began to move forward. Dib tapped his foot anxiously. "This is taking too long!" He hissed to no one in particular. Stitch seemed to agree, for at that moment he threw the man in front of them aside and began making his way forward. Dib followed uncertainly. He guessed that in order to appear as tough bad guys, costumes wouldn't be enough; they would need to act the part too. Dib took on a strait confident disposition and stomped forward with Stitch as the alien threw one big guy after another out of their way. They needed to appear as dangerous as they could, and that meant that any waiting in line was for wusses. The green alien grabbed the only man left that stood between them and the guard and tossed him out of the way like the others.

Dib and Stitch stood together, staring up at the huge man waiting for entrance. Dib crossed his arms arrogantly and Stitch stood on all fours, hunching his shoulders as if he would headbutt the man.

The giant man didn't look intimidated though his eyebrow did rise in amusement at the unusual pair. He held out his hand. "Papers please."

Dib tossed them at him and the man caught them. "Your name is, Edward?"

Dib cleared his throat and assumed a tough sort of gangster manner that sounded like a 'yo-don't-mess-with-me-cause-I'll-mess-you-up' sort of tone. He also flourished his hands the way the big boys use to do it back in Detroit. Those kinds of guys use to give guys like Dib wedgies all the time. He wasn't sure if he got it right, but it still made him feel tough and bad. "Yo, that's Eddie to you… Dude! Tough Eddie! Ya got dat. Cause I'm tough and I'm Eddie here… so you get Tough Eddie when you put those two together."

His eye brow raised even more. "Right... and that thing with you?"

He pointed condescendingly at the green thing next to the shrimpy boy.

"Dat's X-Ray Hound. He's my mutant."

Stitch's mouth watered and he licked his lips as if getting read to take a big chomp out of the man's leg. The man's eyes widened. "What's wrong with him?"

"Nothing, man. He's just hungry. I want to get him inside and feed him before he starts chewing on someone's leg. So if we can hurry this up…"

The man didn't even look at the papers; their appearance must've looked villainous enough for him. He stepped aside and waved them in, as if he were afraid the hound would start chomping on his own shin any second. They filed in before the guy could change his mind.

Dib tried not to gawk, but it was more trouble to suppress his awe than he would've thought. There were so many people! People he'd only ever imagined. People and villains and bad guys he'd only ever heard of but never seen up close and in real life.

This was so cool!

"Wow!" Stitch said gazing up with equal amazement. Every sense was on full alert in here. So many people. So many voices. So many smells. How would they ever find Lilo in a place like this?

"She'll be the only nice person in here." Dib answered, tapping his chin as he scanned the passing people who were all as different as could be in appearance, but had one crucial detail in common; the plain distinction of criminal indifference. "And since the fight is between Joker and the Hatter, all we have to do is find one of those guys and Lilo will only be a step behind. I sure hope she's not hurt, though."

Stitch reached up and patted his shoulder. "Lilo is strong, and she is smart and… different than regular hostages. She won't be manipulated like other people. She won't be scared if she can help it. She'll be strong… for Puka and for us."

Dib scowled into the treacherous crowd. "I sure hope so. I don't want to think of her afraid."

Stitch marched forward on all fours. "She will be strong and we will find her." And that was a fact.

* * *

Lilo followed the group to the edge of the maze where the competitors would be entering in the maze from different entrances. The precession shuffled up on a stage raised above the openings. Two Face stood in the middle and addressed the crowd gathered below. Lilo looked and saw Hatter and his men standing on the far end across from them.

Two Face shouted. "Alright, this fight will take place to determine the fate of Miss. Lilo, whom we all love and respect." There were boos from the crowd and several yells of impatience. Two Face glared dangerously and stomped forward. "Shut up! Anyone I hear complaining will get a lead bath ya got it!" One of his men pulled a machine gun and began firing the small space that separated the air from their heads. Another man pulled out a grenade and bit the pin off, tossing it casually into the crowd. It hit someone's head and people scrambled away in all directions before the BOOM could go off.

Puka cowered behind Lilo's shoulder when fire and dirt rained from the spot it'd landed. Luckily no one was hurt. Even still it had the girl and baby scared. Lilo hoped dearly that she would never have the unluckiness to cross Two Face or any of his impulsive men.

Now that the dual personality man had them all scared, he reverted to his speech. "There, now that I have your attention, the fighting will now take place. Clap if you agree. CLAP NOW!" Everyone clapped in fear that he might toss another grenade and this time it wouldn't miss. He turned to two chairs sitting next to one another on the stage. "Right, now. Competitors put your bets on one of these two chairs here." The bald man on the opposite side came forward holding out what looked like a tiny metal box, which must've held the mysterious item Hatter stole from Joker. Lilo walked forward when he did, swinging her hands carefree and unconcerned that her warden might not triumph in this fight. She was completely positive that he would win; if not for her, then he would win for himself.

Two Face held her chair, in a perfect gentleman gesture. She smiled at him and sat. "Thank you."

But when the bald man reached the other chair the man barked at him angrily. "Set it down looser!" The little man did quickly then ran off the stage in fear.

"Alright if both fighters are satisfied they should shake hands or something."

Joker snorted. "Forget it. Like I said last night, I prefer to keep my gloves clean."

"Likewise." Hatter retorted smirking with a big toothy grin.

Two Face looked annoyed. "Fine let's just get this over with then!"

Hatter walked up to Lilo smiling as if he'd already won. "We'll go to the church as soon as this is over."

Lilo said nothing to that. The only response he got was when Lilo pulled the visor of her bucket hat frankly down past her face so she wouldn't have to look at him.

"Now, now, according to the great Lewis Carroll, "Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage."

"Lewis Carroll didn't say that! That was Ambrose Bierce, stupidhead!"

Lilo's head snapped around, as did several others, to the voice of who'd spoken. That sounded an awful lot like… but could it possibly be? Was Dib and Stitch really here? Her face became hopeful, but then she glanced to the side and saw Joker looking at her. She sobered and looked away. Her ears pricked when she heard Joker whisper to two of his men. She wasn't able to catch what he said.

Hatter looked momentarily embarrassed with the insult and the correction. As he turned from her, all three, Harley, Lilo and Puka, took the opportunity to stick their tongues out at his back. A childish gesture maybe, but heck they _were_ children… well at least Puka and Lilo were. Harley was a kid by heart.

* * *

Stitch glared at Dib and the boy's face went red with his outburst. Stitch looked angry enough to pound his face in. Their cover couldn't be blown. Not when they were so close. Where was that agent?

They had to move now. Get another spot or something. They were starting to get strange looks from everyone around them. Stitch took the boy's arm in his stubby hand and pulled him away to another side of the crowd.

They were at the edge when all of a sudden… OHMYGOSH A GIANT MOUTH CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND ATE DIB!

_(Author chuckles cruelly) No I'm just kidding, though it might still happen. What really happens goes like this…_

They were at the edge of the crowd when Dib felt a big meaty arm on his shoulder. He looked up to see a tall ugly man with an eye patch and rotten teeth leaning down at him.

"Hey, Kid," He said in a croaky voice spitting a little when he talked. "What's your name? I ain't seen you around here before."

"Well... DUH," Dib said quickly, trying to maintain his rude and criminal disposition even under pressure. "I haven't seen you around here either because this is the first formal fight between two most diabolical criminals of all time." he tried shrugging the man's hand off him as he turned away. "So if you'll excuse me."

The man's hand fell away. "A'right. Can't catch a moth wit only a man I guess."

Both Dib and Stitch froze. So it was him. The agent at last.

Dib turned, a smile on his face. "Well maybe you could... if your eyes were swolen enough."

"Perhaps so. But disembodied 'eads really creep me out."

Okay now there was no way they could deny it. It was definately the guy they were looking for. To anyone else listening in, their conversation was utter nonsence, but they knew exactly what they were talking about.

The agent looked around him and jabbed his thumb to a different corner of the room. The two friends followed the man as he led them away from the crowd.

When they were free of unwanted ears, Dib spoke. "So what should we call you"

"Call me Brox."

Dib nodded in response. He knew the danger of even saying his real name out loud so he gave him their cover names. "I'm Eddie and this is X-Ray hound."

Stitch growled a bit in the back of his throat in greeting.

"So what's the plan?" Dib asked quickly.

"Save yer' friend and git out." Brox said quickly spitting a bit more.

"Well yeah... but elaborately. How are we going to save her."

Brox smiled at him winking to them. "Jus' follow ma lead."

* * *

Lilo watched with Harley on a little handheld screen that was used to watch the two as they completed the maze. There were cameras installed all through it with sensors to pick up the challengers progress through. Joker made his way through the maze. It'd started out exciting enough. Joker and Hatter had entered the maze in seperate entrances. Within the first minute, Joker had nearly fallen through a trap door tht held spikes below, and Hatter had ran smack into a lion cage. They'd both made it out okay enough and the only casualty was Hatter's ripped coat.

Right now there wasn't much happening. Joker had managed to get himself pretty lost, and Hatter had his hands full trying to ward off a bee hive he'd been stupid enough to step in. Lilo was bored. As another problem she really needed to use the bathroom. Would anyone mind if she just slipped away for a moment? She tugged on Harley's sleeve.

"Hey, I'm going to use the restroom real quick. I'll be right back."

The woman was too busy watching the screen and only shrugged. "Sure whatever."

Lilo left without anyone stopping her.

She did her buisiness and made to return.

But her mind wasn't on the ground today. She was too busy concentrating on the fight and the possibilities that could ensue. She approached a flight of stairs, but didn't see it in time. Her foot slipped on the first step and she tottered forward. A hand shot out to grab her before she fell and cracked her skull. Lilo was thankfully able to steady herself on the banister before she lost her balance completely. The person in question, however, only managed to loose his own balance and bounced painfully down to the bottom of the stairs.

Lilo rushed forward. "Ohmygosh!" When she reached him, he was lying face down at the very bottom. She shook him and he stirred. When he had the strength to role over, she discovered a funny, little, bald man in big round glasses. She couldn't even see his eyes behind the thick lenses. "Are you okay? Here let me help you." She grabbed his arm and helped him sit up on the bottom step. When he righted himself he looked up at her. A big red cut was slashed above his eyebrow. "Oh… you're bleeding from your forehead!" Lilo cried.

His hand lifted to the cut and withdrew a smear of blood. When he spoke, his voice was timid. "Oh it's really nothing, miss. Honestly I'm…"

Lilo didn't hear him. She dug in her pocket and held something out to him. "Here's my hankie." He looked up at her and all he could do was stare for a moment. Her smile was pure gold and seemed to dim even the brightest star in the sky. He almost didn't even knotice the hairy little thing perched on her shoulders. His eyes were all one her. He liked her smile. It wasn't the kind that he got to see very often when a person smiled just to be kind. It was hard to believe it was all for him, and for a moment all he could do was stare dumbly at her.

She offered the handkerchief to him again and he took it, hesitantly. He looked down and saw pretty pink hibiscus flowers on a tie-dye green background. It was a nice pattern and he hated to stain it with his blood.

"It's alright," she said reading his thoughts from his expression. "I have a dozen more like them." She smiled again and he subconsciously put the rag to his forehead. "You're not hurt anywhere else are you?"

"No… I don't think so, miss." He answered quietly, mopping his head tenderly. In truth his back hurt tremendously and he could feel the effects of a bruise beggining on his knee, but he felt there was no reason to tell her that. It wasn't much of anything anyways.

"Good." She sounded relieved—actually relieved that he hadn't been hurt worse! She sat down next to him and stared at the ceiling. "I'm sorry about that. You tried to save me, didn't you?"

"Yes. I saw you starting to fall miss."

"Thanks for that." She smiled sympathetically "And I'm sorry you fell and cracked you skull on my account."

"It's all right. I apologize for soiling you handkerchief."

"No you don't need to apologize, it's just what anyone else would've done."

There was silence. The man stared sadly at the lax tropical fabric. "No." the man whispered after a moment.

"Huh? I beg your pardon?"

"No one else would've done this."

Lilo almost didn't hear him again. "Of course they…" even as she said it she knew it wasn't true. By the amount of morality these people had, most would've probably stepped on him to get to the concession stand first.

"No they wouldn't." He stared longer at her cloth, lost in his own thoughts. "Well Miss Lilo, you're… kind aren't you?"

"Huh?"

He continued. "Most people ignore me, even my boss, when I'm hurt. They think I'm useless." He looked up at the ceiling in thought. Was this a trick? He sounded completely sincere and Lilo felt a pang of sympathy for him. He looked down again at her handkerchief, speaking lowly. "I've never had anyone do this for me."

Lilo felt she needed to say something. "I didn't do anything much. I really didn't, sir." But the look on his face said much different.

Lilo sighed. She rested her chin in her palms as she stared up at the ceiling. "The thing I don't get is why make such a fuss about getting some no name girl?"

Dummy's head snapped to the side. He looked at her, confused. "Is that how you think of yourself, miss?"

She stared back just as confused that his voice sounded… offended with her statement. "Well… yeah. I mean, I'm not rich, I'm not from a well standing family, and they don't owe anything to any thugs (that I know of) I'm not even popular in my class. What could these people possibly gain by kidnapping _me_?"

Dummy didn't know a lot about kidnapping, he'd never done one himself. His boss worked mainly in theft and the black market, not ransom. They'd even been able to manage every job without the need to take civilian hostages. Somehow though, he viewed her as much more valuable than any spoiled rich brat. She knew how to talk to people and she saw the value in them even if they couldn't see it themselves. Even in a dummy like him.

"Maybe… it's because you're the only one who had the guts to stand up to one of the toughest of them."

Lilo stared. "I never thought of it like that. Though to be kinda honest, Hatter doesn't seem like one of the toughest at all." She chuckled at the idea of his funny costume and nerdy disposition. "To be honest, when I first saw him, I wasn't sure whether to ask him for his autograph or to call a loony bin. The Mad Hatter has always been my favorite fairytale character. I'm just sorry someone like _him_ feels it necessary to disgrace such a timeless figure. But when he asked me to marry him… ugh! He doesn't even know me! And why is he trying so hard. Marriage shouldn't be some game. You can't turn it on and off like a switch. It's forever and you have to live with that person for the better years of your life."

"You seem to have done a lot of thinking about this miss."

"Well it's a funny thing to think about. If Joker looses, then I'll be engaged to a complete stranger. And Hatter will be engaged to a complete stranger too. Ages aside, we don't even know if we like one another yet. We don't know even the smallest information about the other. I don't know his favorite color, he doesn't know what I'm interested in or any of my hobbies, we don't even know the other's middle name. How can you possibly ever manage to build a relationship without knowing the other's middle name?"

Dummy smiled a bit. "While we on the subject, what's your middle name?"

Lilo smiled coyly. "Well actually I don't really have one."

For a moment ther was silence. It wasn't the awkward sort of silences that followed after a strange conversation. It was a nice silence; a sort of peace that enveloped sometimes when one wanted to contemplate occurences discussed.

Suddenly Dummy found himself breaking the peace. "I'm sorry for following you around…"

"Following me around? You've been following me?"

He sighed. "My boss and Mr. Hatter have a business transaction. "Keep his winnings from becoming damaged" that what he told me."

"Winnings?" Lilo was disgusted. "Is that what he thinks of me? And this is the guy who wants to marry me? What a jerk!"

The man smacked his hand to his mouth and his face went red. "Oops! I wasn't supposed to say that. He seemed to be talking mostly to himself as he repeated his instructions. "Follow her but don't approach her. I sure messed that one up. What should I do? Oh Mr. Scarface is going to have my head for this."

Lilo looked at him. He seemed really distressed by this. He was even sweating by how scared he was. "You work for the puppet guy right?"

"Mr. Scarface, yes." He sounded scared while he said this. She wondered how he could possibly be afraid of himself; the puppet-Mr. Scareface was only the little man talking through a doll. Or maybe it wasn't himself. She'd heard before of multiple personality disorders and assumed this must've been an extreme case of it.

She smiled sympathetically. "He calls you dummy a lot. But what's your real name?"

"Arnold Wesker."

"Where's you boss right now? How is he moving without you, Arnold?"

"He told me to go ahead without him. He said that he wanted to catch up on his beauty sleep so he had me go ahead and film it for him."

That didn't sound right to her. "Wait a minute. Then who's manning the said camera?"

"Rat at the moment. My real job is just to keep an eye on you in case you made a run for it. Though it really wouldn't do you much good."

"Why not?"

"Mr. Hatter has this whole place surrounded by paid off thugs."

Lilo scowled. She'd been afraid of that. She'd been thinking about making a run for it once she had a chance. So much for her escape attempt! "That sounds like something Mr. Joker should be doing. Why is Hatter so concerned if I get away? It's not like I'm _his_ hostage."

"But you will be."

Lilo stared. "_Will be_? What does that mean?"

"Oops!" His hand smacked to his mouth once more. Apparently he was letting an awful lot slip today. "Oh no I've said too much. Mr. Scarface is gunna kill me for this."

"Wait a minute! Are you saying that Hatter… is gunna cheat?"

He was sweating again and wrung her handkerchief nervously. "Well… I uh…" His hesitation was as good as if he'd admitted it. "It… it's not like that at all."

Lilo gasped. "It is. He is going to cheat!" She found herself on her feet quite suddenly clutching her forehead with growing trepidation. "If he's anything like the rumors I've heard about, then that man is relentless and he's going to win and Joker's going to loose and then I'm gunna half to marry a crazy, criminal, old guy."

A vision darted through her mind of a wedding procession. She was in an ugly white dress with big puffed sleeves carrying a bouquet of roses. She'd always thought roses were kind of a wimpy and snobby flower. (_You think plants don't have personalities? Think again_.) She liked the tropical ones that grew on her home island, which were cheerful and flightly. But of course, those couldn't be found in this chilly climate. So now she had to settle with dumb ones. The witnesses were made up of most of the villains in Gotham, including Harley and Ivy. Joker was not present.

She stood by Hatter with his big teeth and big top hat just as the priest announced them man and wife, "You may kiss the bride."

"NO! NO I DON'T WANT TO!" Lilo cried, snapping back to glorious reality where she wasn't married to anyone quite yet. "Wait a minute! If he's planning on winning no matter what, then what will happen to Mr. Joker?"

Arnold stuttered with how much he was letting slip today. "W-w-well he's not expected to live i-if Mr. Hatter's plans go... accordingly."

"He's going to be killed?" Lilo's worry wasn't for herself anymore. Due to her uncontrollable habit to protect all people, she sprinted in the direction of the fight. "I have to warn him!"

Arnold followed after her, holding the handkerchief to his bleeding scalp. "You're worried for him? Your kidnapper?" He couldn't believe anyone would ever be worried about that painted slob, much less someone as nice as her.

"Well yeah! He might've kidnapped me, but he's still a person and a human being. I don't want anything lethal to happen to him."

Shouts and cheers roared from the stands in the arena. Lilo doubled her pace. _Oh I hope I'm not too late_.

She rounded a corner and saw the two fighters had navigated their way through the maze and were fighting in hand-to-hand combat with one another. She saw Hatter swing a saber at Joker but he ducked just before it took his head off. How was Lilo even supposed to warn him from up here? And as an additional problem, she didn't even know how Hatter would strike. Did he have an explosion? A gun? A poisoned dart? Or did he manage to install a few of his own booby traps before anyone even got here?

* * *

**OH. **

**MY. **

**GOSH! **

**It's been FOREVER since I updated. I am so sorry for the wait you guys but I've been sort of in the middle of other fanfictions right now, plus the last few weeks of school have ben really stressful due to the fact that it's the end of the year and I have all these class finals that I have to pass or else. And to be honest when it comes to other things, fanfiction gets sort of pushed to the side in all the confusion. Till at last the updates gets to be a month to three apart from one another. **

**I'm really sorry guys! (Hides her face behinds her hands) **

**But I'm not being totally honest with you by saying this. In truth I've actually had this chapter done a while ago and have just posted it _now_. The reason for that is because there were a few things I wasn't certain about. I was a bit hesitant to post this cause I wasn't sure if this is where I wanted to take my story or not. Tell me what you guys think. Do you like how it's going?**

**I'm not making any promises but considering the fact that it's finally summer vacation I might be doing more writing for my fanficts. Can't promis anything. I'll probably be too busy finding a job and working in my mom's daycare to really be doing much writing, but I'll try my best.**

**P.S. I did fanart for this story. It's just one picture now but hopefully there will be more. It's on the link below. Hopefully that doesn't give too much away for what may happen later on.**

**.com/?order=11&q=our little girl#/d3hegde**


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